Everyone knows the story about the boy who wants to be a wizard. At first, he leads a lackluster existence, living with uncaring caretakers and sleeping in barely-habitable quarters. His circumstances vastly improve when he makes his way to a school for blossoming spellcasters, where all the teachers have funny names and the students [...]
I present to you a new feature here at Caltrops, the World’s Greatest Purple Website. A Let’s Not Play, with your host Worm. Today, Worm shall be not playing DRAGON AGE 3. Comments? Join us on the forum. Worm
You wake. You are wading in a blue, 8-bit ocean. The blocky, aliased sun shines brightly above you. In the distance, a hazy form clutters the horizon. You approach, and the outline forms into an island. What is the island? Why is it there? Why are you there? Proteus offers no answers, only beckons you [...]
Totem Games is a bit of an oddity. They are: 1. One of about two companies making historical naval combat games. 2. The only company making historical naval combat games about the American Civil War. 3. Russian. I purchased their latest product, "Victorian Admirals: Anthology", and I’m glad I did. I am happy to support [...]
Someone figured out how to do jump cuts in the Quake 2 engine and made 2 demo levels of nothing but. There’s so little here I’m almost offended I had to pay for it, meanwhile game reviewers and players lined up to suck the developer’s cock like it holds the cure. Average score: 9/10. This [...]
Seven years ago I did a thread on a different forum about what I thought the 100 best games were. It looks terribly out-dated now, and it didn’t include pinball games. That being said, I had Diablo in the top 100, but I didn’t go back and play it to confirm that information at the [...]
Sometimes it’s nice to destroy every living creature in a dungeon without having to remember that the Polish octal characters on your screen translates to pink dragon. Two such games are Diablo 3 and Torchlight. Here’s what I like about these video reviews: the Cable Bruddas (twin gamers bred specifically to game and game well) [...]
The original Grand Theft Auto games had a top-down perspective that faked 3D pretty well. It wasn’t until Grand Theft Auto 3 that everyone’s world changed and parents again had to wonder if video games were going to call out a lot of their shitty parenting. But what of those two original GTA games? They [...]
Easily one of the best 2D platformers ever. Artwork is absolutely gorgeous. Music is also pretty great (for a cartoon) and catchy, although some tracks are completely ruined because somebody thought there was anything redeemable about Yoshi’s Story. I hate to sound like I’m making excuses, but the real challenge [*fine oak pipe*] is in [...]
Jsoh and Jhoh Cable are time men, men who go through time and tell you whether or not games stand the test of time. Since this isn’t 4chan, you can see their work without it being deleted almost fucking immediately. Here’s the Caltrops Test of Time review for Super Mario 64, for the Nintendo 64. [...]