Archive for the ‘Review’ Category

Child of Light (PC)

Child of Light let me fulfill my lifelong dream of having luxurious flowing hair and the cutest little fairy wings to flutter around a magical storybook land. And when you fly around, your beautiful silken locks swirl and twirl about and make me feel so pretty inside ^__________^. But in a vicious rib-kick to fantasy […]

Star Wars: Battlefront First Impressions

I can’t help but think the Rebellion must be running out of recruits. Every Rodian, Sullustan, Twi’lek and Ishi Tib must have already been drafted before they got to me. As I repeatedly crash one X-Wing Fighter after another into the sides of Beggar’s Canyon while trying to figure out how to fly this goddamn […]

Review: Bayonetta 2 (Wii U)

BREAST ACTION GAME OF THE REAR! EXPLOSIVE HAND-TO-GLAND COMBAT! THIS ERECTION SEASON BAYONETTA 2 PUTS THE TITS BACK IN CONSTITUTION! Short summary: Gameplay-wise, there aren’t any substantial changes from the first, so if you didn’t like the first you won’t like this either. If you liked the first, you’d probably like this.

Review: Satellite Reign (PC)

Satellite Reign is one of the most beautiful games I’ve played since Trine 2. Shadowrun has a better plot, but its watercolor backgrounds failed to make an impression, Invisible Inc. has better stealth gameplay, but its cyberpunk vision is so dull it might as well be taking place in the same universe as the movie […]

Review: Sunrider: Mask of Arcadius (PC)

So I got led by a Steam curator to this game which promised turn based naval combat, something that’s been lacking so much in games that I’ve recently reloaded early 90s stuff like The Grandest Fleet and Lost Admiral Returns. It had embarrassing anime art and promised equally embarrassing writing, but like The White Chamber […]

Titanfall: The Cable Brothers Official Video Review

Two game-reviewing brothers, united against a common cause, review the latest from Electronic Arts. A Caltrops exclusive from Inherent Troll Field. This is a wild ride filled to bursting with language! The Cable Brothers Comments? Join us on the forum.

Planetarian: The Reverie of a Little Planet

Our Heroine Yumemi I feel like in deciding to review Planetarian I may have bit off more than I can chew. Planetarian came out back in 2004 and received a fan translation in 2005. It only recently received a licensed translation because some increased interest in Japanese Visual Novel games has made them somewhat profitable […]

Wolfenstein: The New Order (PC)

Let’s call it “Actually Serious Sam”. Though the settings and enemies wind up getting goofy beyond belief, it is BJ Blazkc– BJ Blasco… It’s the main character who makes this such a stirring experience. There is no wisecracking or clever quipping. There is a quiet man in a struggle against pure evil, recalling all of […]

Watch_Dogs Initial Impressions (PC)

(Editor’s note: I was really into the idea of Watch_Dogs. Loved the trailers, loved the gameplay presented. I’ll still buy it someday, probably. Sure, I’m not going to pretend that everyone on Caltrops doesn’t hate Ubisoft’s Uplay system because we do. But with that in mind, Caltrops Senior Writer jeep offers up the following opinion […]

Titanfall (PC)

Titanfall is good. There. Happy? It’s fine. Everything it sets out to do it does well and even if you’re not one of those insufferable losers who only buy 3 games a year, go to the Titanfall forums full of Titanfall jackoffs who have Titanfall race-car beds even though they’re 35 and argue about whether […]