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| I bought all the Halos before I knew what kind of games they were :( by Dream Cast 09/07/2016, 9:24pm PDT | ||||
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| Now I'm trying to make the best of it, playing through them all in order with an open mind and a minimum of grumbling. I just finished Halo 2, here are some things I would improve for the sequel:
I would start colour coding enemies. There are three kinds of enemies in Halo games (three in the sense that there's two kinds of people in this world, in actuality there's probably a dozen). 'Normal' enemies die when you kill them, but you don't have to kill them if you don't want to. 'Key' enemies need to die to trigger a script that lets you move on. 'Interminable' enemies will just keep respawning UNTIL you move on. Is there any reason these three types can't be uniformly coloured? Say, red and blue for the latter varieties, respectively? I think it would make a first playthrough a lot less alienating if I always knew what I did or did not have to kill, and the challenge came from figuring out how to actually do it. I would start numbering rooms. If you're going to copy and paste the same chunk of level over and over again, the least you can do is make it clear I'm not going around in circles. Just put a really big number somewhere visible in the middle of each combat arena, and smaller numbers on the exits indicating which arena they lead to. This change alone should bring about a 90% reduction in nausea and disorientation headaches. And you can't tell me the people who built the Halos use different numbers than we do or don't like sequentially numbering things, because their little floating eyeball butlers ("Don't trust the eyeball" --Planescape Tournament) already said the two otherwise identical Halos are called Installation 04 and Installation 05. Right idea, wrong scale! Here are some things I wouldn't change because they're already perfect: The story. The first one was kind of lame, but Halo 2 opens by diving full retard into the world of purple monkey muppet politics and pretty much never lets up. You haven't seen Shakespeare until you've seen it performed in the original purple monkey muppet. I can't even tell what they're saying half the time because I'm laughing too hard and they all sound like Grover anyway. Then Sgt. Superfly Johnson parachutes into the middle of the pod racer senate with a rocket launcher yelling "SHOVE THIS IN YOUR MOUTH AND SUCK ON IT". It's basically what The Matrix Revolutions was for computer programs but for purple monkey muppets. There's a mission near the end of Halo 2 where you play as the Keith David-voiced muppet teamed up with Sgt. Johnson that's probably the closest a video game has ever come to being "about" black people. It makes you think you're high even when you're not really. It's confusing and repetitive and full of Grovers and all the doors look the same. When you jump it feels like you're floating. The mushrooms explode into tinier mushrooms and it's all taking place on an inside-out planet where you're standing upside down and about to get run over by your own jeep. Don't even try to drive, it's hopeless. They fucking nailed it. |
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I bought all the Halos before I knew what kind of games they were :( by 09/07/2016, 9:24pm PDT  Trip Report: NT by 09/08/2016, 11:47am PDT Halo 3 is nine years old today, and the game I wanted Halo 1 to be. by 09/25/2016, 11:39am PDT Always a pleasure to read your reviews, Jerry! NT by 09/25/2016, 12:06pm PDT I think it really is Jerry. He sure can write like Jerry. by 09/26/2016, 8:04pm PDT |
