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by 0-6 Star DVD Review 05/26/2017, 2:29am PDT |
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At first, I was planning to spend this whole post making fun of Peter Sarsgaard's tiny penis. I couldn't believe my eyes, I was like "What is that? It looks like he had macaroni for lunch, and one of the noodles fell into his little tuft of OH MY GOD IT'S A SCHLONG." Then I thought about it for a minute. Dude was playing a love scene with Liam Neeson. If I had to put my penis anywhere near Old Man Neeson, he would need his fucking gall wasp microscope to find it. And it's not JUST gay panic - I've seen Taken, I know what his particular set of skills can do to a man's genitalia. Don't even get me thinking about my anus! Now all I can picture is the ending of The Grey, where Neeson's kneeling outside the cave entrance taping broken glass to his fists. Peter Sarsgaard's tiny penis is an American hero and deserves nothing less than a 0, the highest possible score on the Kinsey scale. The movie itself gets a 2. |
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