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| It's funny when there are hijinx. :( (spoilers) by Rafiki 12/26/2017, 9:49pm PST | ||||
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| The worst thing about Ironman 1 is now everything wants to be Ironman. Ironman was good, but I want to see anything else now. Every fucking movie now has to have jokez and quips and wacky slapstick, and then the scene ends with characters shaking their heads and rolling their eyes while the comedy horns play us out.
Whole chunks of this movie could have been cut with nothing lost. The scenes with Luke drinking fat alien milk and fishing. The scene with Rey looking into the infinitely reflecting mirror and ultimately learning absolutely nothing. Every moment with Chewbacca and the stupid furbies. Basically every scene with Finn and the retarded twee Asian girl from Questionable Content, since their whole story sequence ultimately amounted to nothing. Speaking of that plot thread, some dumb empire BB-8 is suspicious of the trashcan disguise on the real BB-8, and somehow everyone deduces that it's rebel infiltrators who are going to disable the rebel tracking device? Huh? Why did Poe have to deduce that Luke was there to create a distraction? Why would Luke not just announce, "I will create a distraction, you guys run away. PS, I'm not even here LOL!" Who hides their intentions from people they're trying to help when there's no consequences for being honest? Then the movie trying too hard to be clever by having reversals of reversals of reversals of reversals. Luke tried to confront Kylo Ren who went crazy and blew up the Jedi temple! No wait, Luke tried to murder Kylo Ren in cold blood so he defended himself! No wait, Luke was going to murder Kylo Ren, came to his senses, but Kylo Ren woke up, got angry, and blew up the Jedi Temple! The admiral lady is a fool who has no direction for the rebels! No wait, she's a competent and intelligent leader and Poe is an asshole! No wait, she's a fool and a coward! No wait, she's a brave and calculating leader who makes a noble sacrifice! Benicio del Toro is a nutty prisoner! No wait, he's a helpful, hacking genius! No wait, he's a callous wealth-monger! No wait, he's a thief with a heart of gold! No wait, he's a cynical opportunist! Watching this movie was like watching that Simpsons Halloween episode with Kang, Kodos, and the cookbook. What was the point of Luke's death? Obi Wan sacrificed himself as a distraction. If Luke could have just wished himself away the whole time, why didn't he considering he wanted to die anyways? And then there's the little things that annoyed me. The rebels are a military outfit that have, by this point, been around for about 50 years, but nobody behaves like it. Leia slaps Poe across the face like a mother scolding a child. Poe openly questions the chain of command in front of everybody without being dressed down and/or instantly thrown out of the command room. Or how about Luke getting hammered with 40 million laser blasts, coming out completely unscathed, and then Finn yelling, "We have to go help him!" Hey, good thinkin'. Leia flying through outer space :( One legitimately cool moment was the rebel ship jumping to light speed through the star destroyer. That was a great moment. Anyways, let's talk about the Force now. Lucas ruined it, but these films didn't fix it. In the first trilogy, it was some mystical power that dwelled in all things but some could control it better than others, and you had to go through serious training and meditation to develop and hone your skills. I guess this was because kung fu movies were popular in the 70s? Then in the 90s, Lucas saw the kids were into Dragonball Z, so the Force suddenly had power levels. In the new trilogy, the Force is a mutant power that suddenly manifests itself at a certain age so now we're watching Space X-Men. This shit sucks >:( |
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