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The Zionist Media Conspiracy
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by Pirate Pirate Movie Review 09/12/2018, 2:16am PDT |
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Pan is a remake of Star Wars, with all the names changed to ones from Peter Pan. It's also the first time I've ever finished a movie unsure if I'd just seen a rock opera or not. The cast performs like three songs over the course of two hours - Smells Like Teen Spirit, Blitzkrieg Bop, and one other I didn't recognize (not Breakfast at Tiffany's, though that would've been worth at least one star on its own) - they all come before the midpoint, and I don't think they even finish them? That's not enough pop songs for a musical, way too many for Star Wars with public domain characters.
Speaking of Breakfast at Tiffany's, this time they got a white girl to play traditional racist stereotype Tiger Lily. There was no winning that one. But how did they find the only American actor on the planet with what I'm 100% sure is a fake American accent to play Captain Hook? Not the Captain Hook you're thinking of, this one's Han Solo to Princess Lily's Princess Leia and Peter Pan's Luke Skywalker (he literally walks in the sky once he masters his magic powers). The Captain Hook you're thinking of is called "Blackbeard" here, and is exactly Darth Vader, right down to being interrupted with his mask off in his regeneration pod.
Since the file name didn't specify, I spent the whole movie thinking I was watching the P.J. Hogan Peter Pan from 2003, which I guess I still haven't seen yet? I was calling out all the shit Avatar ripped off from this version of Neverland, thinking I'd caught James Cameron in another Fern Gully snafu. Then the credits (which I watched all the way to the end looking for the name of that third song) had a 2015 copyright date and my whole case against Cameron flew right out the window like etc etc. I felt like that fucking prosecutor must've every goddamn week on Perry Mason. I know how he ended up in the wheelchair on Ironsides, that prosecutor must've finally had enough! Holy shit what a great Ironsides joke to end this review of Peter Pan on :( |
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Pan (2015) by Pirate Pirate Movie Review 09/12/2018, 2:16am PDT
Would you say you panned the movie? NT by TDARCOS 2.0 09/12/2018, 10:39pm PDT
You might say it didn't "capture my interest." by Pirate Police Procedural Review 09/13/2018, 1:51am PDT
Identity also had a stupid twist ending :( by laudablepuss 09/13/2018, 7:59am PDT
My name is by Michael Cane 09/13/2018, 8:14am PDT
My name is actually NT by Michael Caine 09/13/2018, 1:22pm PDT
I just saw 6 Souls. Not bad! by D.I.D. D.V.D. Review 09/14/2018, 1:47am PDT
Re: I just saw 6 Souls. Not bad! by laudablepuss 09/14/2018, 9:37am PDT
Re: I just saw 6 Souls. Not bad! by laudablepuss 09/14/2018, 10:00am PDT
I think we're learning a lot about ourselves from our responses to this movie. by D.I.D. D.V.D. Review 09/14/2018, 1:39pm PDT
?_? NT by laudablepuss 09/14/2018, 3:34pm PDT
That's supposed to be the glare of disapproval by laudablepuss 09/14/2018, 3:37pm PDT
OK, maybe you didn't say it, maybe it was Jesse Ventura. But I bet you agree! by D.I.D. D.V.D. Review 09/14/2018, 5:41pm PDT
The other guy made me want to watch this NT by ~_~ 09/14/2018, 7:02pm PDT
Have you seen Devil's Gate? It might be half a star better. by Barely Made It To DVD Review 09/14/2018, 7:45pm PDT
I did like one part by laudablepuss 09/15/2018, 6:43am PDT
I watched Shimmer Lake tonight. It was okay! Mild spoilers. by Rob v. Nate CorddryVD Review 09/17/2018, 12:44am PDT
Re: I watched Shimmer Lake tonight. It was okay! Mild spoilers. by laudablepuss 09/17/2018, 9:26am PDT
I can see your point, and I didn't DIS-like the movie, however... (SPOILERS) by Rob v. Nate CorddryVD Review 09/17/2018, 4:34pm PDT
Re: I can see your point, and I didn't DIS-like the movie, however... (SPOILERS) by laudablepuss 09/18/2018, 8:10am PDT
Sure, that works. I guess her heart was as cold as her ass was phat. by Pirate Private Memory Review 09/18/2018, 10:00pm PDT
In other news by laudablepuss 09/18/2018, 8:38am PDT
I wanted to do Breakfast at Tiffany's but I wasn't hungry for it NT by Commander Tansin A. Darcos 09/13/2018, 8:44am PDT
House Party: a great film, and a timely reminder why I shouldn't get an undercut by Pirate Party DVD Review 09/20/2018, 9:06pm PDT
Re: House Party: a great film, and a timely reminder why I shouldn't get an unde by Vested Id 09/20/2018, 9:15pm PDT
Kill the Messenger (2014) by Did the CIA Ruin This Movie Review 09/26/2018, 5:57am PDT
The Loft (2014) by Second-Rate Verhoeven Review 10/04/2018, 8:22pm PDT
The Quiet American (2002) by Vietnamese Pirate Movie Review 01/09/2019, 5:07pm PST
The one good scene in Sidney Lumet's terminal Family Business (1989) by Hong Kong Pirate Movie Review 04/13/2019, 6:03am PDT
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