Forum Overview :: Carmageddon Reincarnation
 
That was supposed to be a funny story. by Oh no my principles etc. 01/11/2019, 4:33am PST
Remembering myself home alone as a youth, grumbling and rolling my eyes while dutifully burning a giant jack-in-the-box head in the fireplace, is one of those mental images that never fails to make me laugh. Maybe you had to be there. At least I still talk to our mother. In fact, I spent Christmas with her again this year, and it was a lot less dramatic than last year.

My mom's the caretaker for a small private island near the city. Like, a couple hundred metres (nautical metres?) off the shore near. The facilities are technically large and well-appointed enough to qualify as a hotel for zoning purposes, though no one ever stayed there except the previous owners, a Texas hotel magnate and his family. The current owner is a Chinese billionaire with no interest in actually visiting the property. So all year round it's just my mom and the guard dog, a 120-pound Great Pyrenees named Odin, who is almost certainly the cutest thing you've ever seen.

How she got the job is kind of an interesting story. In 2009, my mom was awarded a substantial personal injury settlement (someone ran her over while she was cycling; yes, she was drunk at the time, but it was still 100% their fault). The majority she spent on narcotics and the remainder on a 10-ton sailboat. In 2012 she was living, broke and penniless, on her ridiculous yacht anchored in the city harbour. That's when she heard about the island needing a caretaker through the harbour grapevine. The Texan was so impressed to see her pull up on a yacht she actually knew how to sail that he hired her on the spot. I think she was just out of fuel at the time - again, narcotics.

The sailboat almost ended up sinking on the dock shortly thereafter because she didn't bother to maintain it. I think she let it go for a grand, which was of course immediately converted to narcotics. My mom's like Jack Sparrow: it's always either feast or famine with her. I could never tell her that, though, because she wouldn't know who Jack Sparrow was, and she wouldn't ask because it would just give me an excuse to start talking about comic books or whatever. Joke's on you, mom: I don't NEED an excuse to start talking about comic books or whatever 8)
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car2go is a scourge by Ice Cream Jonsey 12/16/2017, 9:08am PST NEW
    "Repositioning team" sounds like sarcasm. Just pay the $5 and move it yourself. NT by Oh no my principles etc. 12/16/2017, 9:37am PST NEW
        Whew! Thanks for the advice, anonymous guy. Thank God you're here. by Ice Cream Jonsey 12/16/2017, 9:59am PST NEW
            Mom, dad, things are going well out here in Los Angeles by Fullofkittens 12/16/2017, 10:30am PST NEW
                Ha! I'd also like to take back most of my previous message. by Ice Cream Jonsey 12/16/2017, 10:35am PST NEW
                    Now apologize for the forum software. by Oh no my principles etc. 12/16/2017, 12:31pm PST NEW
                        Re: Now apologize for the forum software. by Ice Cream Jonsey 12/16/2017, 12:39pm PST NEW
                            All this and I haven't even revealed which car sharing company I am the CEO of. by Oh no my principles etc. 12/16/2017, 1:04pm PST NEW
                                All this and I haven't even revealed which car sharing company I am the CEO of. by Ice Cream Jonsey 12/16/2017, 1:51pm PST NEW
                                    Admit it, for a while there it felt like the old days. We're bringing it back! NT by We're bringing Caltrops back. 12/16/2017, 2:06pm PST NEW
                                        MCGA! Lock her up! NT by MCGA! Lock her up! 12/20/2017, 2:19pm PST NEW
                                            MCGA might as well stand for "How Many Colors Was That Again" because it's what NT by we were all thinking. 12/20/2017, 2:32pm PST NEW
                            Man, Jonesy doesn't let them loose often but he's got some pretty good ones NT by in his arsenal 12/17/2017, 8:09am PST NEW
                        I thought you said he was going to respond like a baby? NT by Mysterio Lollerson 12/16/2017, 12:41pm PST NEW
            Nah, fuck this guy by that guy 12/19/2017, 6:56am PST NEW
                I'm glad we got this thread in before the deadline for Post of the Year. by Oh no my principles etc. 12/19/2017, 10:22am PST NEW
                    Just stop posting. Problem solved. NT by Oh no my etc "thought leader" 12/19/2017, 11:56am PST NEW
                        I'm going to share with you some index cards from my Caltrops character binder. by Oh no my principles etc. 12/19/2017, 12:09pm PST NEW
                            Bring back Bradley Svedka NT by Saltlord 12/19/2017, 8:03pm PST NEW
            Oh man, why didn't I listen to you last week? Here's a good post to make up for by Oh no my principles etc. 12/28/2017, 10:24pm PST NEW
                Stick to the zingers, this shit you posted here put me to sleep. NT by Mehphistopheles 12/29/2017, 4:52am PST NEW
                    I enjoyed it, but I also enjoy your posts. by Ice Cream Jonsey 12/29/2017, 11:45am PST NEW
                    I should've used my real Caltrops name instead of my fake Caltrops name. by Oh no my principles etc. 12/29/2017, 1:36pm PST NEW
                        I'm a little embarrassed to admit that I had missed the theme here with my NT by previous comment. -Mehphistopheles 12/29/2017, 6:53pm PST NEW
                Update: apparently he's back in treatment? by Oh no my principles etc. 01/08/2019, 5:42pm PST NEW
                Why is ur family so fucked up NT by Mysterio 01/08/2019, 6:38pm PST NEW
                    You mean my pretend filipino family, or my real family? by Oh no my principles etc. 01/08/2019, 10:04pm PST NEW
                        I kinda made that all about me. I can't help it, it's how I perceive the world. by Oh no my principles etc. 01/09/2019, 2:24am PST NEW
                            I don't know why I didn't include this detail, it's too good. by Oh no my principles etc. 01/09/2019, 3:04am PST NEW
                                Yo shits dark NT by Mysterio 01/09/2019, 2:19pm PST NEW
                                    That was supposed to be a funny story. by Oh no my principles etc. 01/11/2019, 4:33am PST NEW
                                        It was. NT by Ulrachi 01/11/2019, 2:13pm PST NEW
                                    No mo(re) "Yo" NT by Style Monitor 01/11/2019, 2:20pm PST NEW
    Break window, pour gasoline, toss match. NT by The Happiness Engine 12/16/2017, 5:16pm PST NEW
    Their UI is as stupid as their arbitrary design decisions. Great kraut company. by Saltlord 12/17/2017, 7:50am PST NEW
        This is all great and I support it completely. by Ice Cream Jonsey 12/17/2017, 11:27am PST NEW
            car2go network down for maintenance for ~6 hours in DC. Server shat the bed? by Saltlord 12/19/2017, 12:20am PST NEW
                car2gofuckyourself NT by The Happiness Engine 12/19/2017, 8:52am PST NEW
        You could always leave a bad review on the APP store, that'd teach em a lesson. NT by Mehphistopheles 12/17/2017, 11:24pm PST NEW
 
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