 |
||
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
| July 2004 by four20 09/27/2004, 4:02pm PDT | ||||
 |
 |
|||
| July 1, 2004:
Catherine just called me. We were supposed to do something/spend time together/get to know each other more tonight. She got called into work both tonight and last night (when we were supposed to also get together). She was really upset about it but asked me to pass by while she's working. I probably won't, I wouldn't want to get her in some heat with the boss. While talking with me, she mentioned that she was walking to work and just saw the Police drive by. She asked me to hold on for a moment while she told friends who were drinking on the street and gambling that "5-0 is around the corner". WTF! She hangs around questionable people and hails from a low-brow element (not that low-brow is bad). Yet I seem to fancy her because she really does attempt to live a pius life and not involve herself in the un-wholesome things her peers do (from what she's told me). In my view, she's sweet and in all actuality a good person despite some questionable things... I'm confused... I'd like to spend time with her in order to resolve my confusion. I'm confused because she has a rather genuine liking towards me. I'll be despised by some for being superficial, but she's awesomely beautiful! That's hard to overlook. I'm a guy and its something that I can't help. :( July 2, 2004: Why couldn't I resist going to Pita Pit to see Catherine! Now she really knows that I like her... Not that that's bad. Its just that I went so that I could see a young pretty blond girl; I had too, she's just too beautiful. Its not like she didn't glow she saw me. However, I'm thinking too much about sleeping with her and not about her inner beauty. I hope she doesn't call me again. This isn't going in a good direction. I know that a heart will be broken and it will be happenstance. :( July 3, 2004: Laura (a floormate) came by my room asking if I wanted to have a drink at 5:30PM. So yeah, we had a beer. GOOD LORD! She's like 5' 3" and petite but drank more than me! I left her unattended in my room and when I came back, she had taken the liberty to pour herself another beer despite already being drunk; that's all good, my kind of gal! Laura answered: "Once you start..." She swears like a sailor and talks in a rather unprudish manner. I told her about Catherine--- She gave me an impartial assesment; RUN! She said when girls are 17, they're kind of crazy and that she just probably wants me to get her pregnant. Good advice. Laura was burping and couldn't even open the door when we came back after a cigarette. YES! I have a new drinking buddy! She's an Economist at the young age of 24! She's also a hardline conservative like me, crude and vulgar (despite hailing from a high strata). She looks like Katie Holmes. Yet despite being 24, she also looks like she's 15. Some friends saw Catherine. It was more that they wanted to see who this girl is... They were blown away! Her looks are imprinted in my memory. :( July 4, 2004: This is baffling... On Thursday and Friday, [Catherine] was being kind of moody & aloof. Then last night, she calls me before work and explains that she really didn't want to work those nights and she was in a bad mood. So she hints that we should get together after her shift last night--- I also passed by her work to see her. She calls me after work, and said that she reconsidered going to my place after work because she has lots of laundry to do. Fair enough, with the schedule she keeps, she doesn't really have much time anyway. Its probably a good thing that we didn't meet up because even after taking a shower after coming home from Dance Cave, I was still pretty drunk. We just ended up talking on the phone for around an hour; although we were interrupted repeatedly because she was getting incoming calls. For her, 4AM is like the day time because she doesn't wake up unitl 6PM. What kind of friends does she keep to get that many calls at that time of night? She text messaged me tonight asking what I'm up to; I replyed that I'll call her @ 9:30PM. I'd like to spend time with her---- except, I can't. I have laundry and too much homework to do. I think I can find time for coffee or a stroll on a tree lined residential street; however, that's unlikely. She seems to have too much of an upper hand over me (across the board). Well, perhaps I'll see her tommorow. UPDATE I was able to resist and tell her that I can't really do anything tonight because of homework. July 5, 2004: Hmm... Catherine and I are going to hang out tonight. She called me quite a few times last night and we talked a fair bit and got along fairly well. Its almost as though she views me as being on a pedestal because I'm in University, older and have treated her in a chivalric manner. I love her surprise phonecalls that she makes when on her breaks, or when out with her friends. Her step sister answered one time and told her that I really sound like a polite guy. She's been tellling all her friends about me (exactly what, I'm not too clear); from what I know, they semm to approve. *BREAKING NEWS* As I was writing this entry, she called me for company during her break. She's working some home renovation stuff (a temp two week job). She hasn't slept because she was up at night talking with me, hanging out with friends and doing girl stuff (i.e. shaving her legs). So, if she's too tired, we might not see each other today. At first, my attraction to her was purely physical, yet with the hours we've talked on the phone, the one date, and seeing her at work (discretly) 5 of the last 7 days, she's beginning to really grow on me. July 7, 2004: Well, it finally happened. The 17 yr old finally acted like she's 17. After putting on a show for a week, the crazy side came out. She's scary. When I answered the phone, she unleashed a fury like I've never experienced from any girl before. I was with Laura at the time when Catherine called, I answered and was immediately confronted with such anger that I felt uneasy and was saying "oh fuck" to myself and couldn't say anything... The only thing I could do was hang up the phone. She ended up text messaging me--- the final line of the message read: " im sorry if u dont want to talk 2 me what ever bye". Its all good. July 12, 2004: I had too much breakfast. Four eggs over easy, potatoes, iced tea, coffee, crossiant and bacon. More like 10 strips of bacon! Kate was in front of me and asked if I wanted bacon and she heaped a motherload onto my plate. I woke up early to eat because I have to study for a test @ 6PM. However, now I'm too full and need to relax first. The best part of waking up is seeing lovely girls dressed really casually with their hair tied back. It better than coffee! I'm joking! I'm going to have to close my door today. My door is always open because I love pop-in visits or waving to people in the hall. A lot of traffic passes by my door because I'm located a few doors from the co-ed washroom/showers (its also why I know so many people here). I don't mind people visiting me, but it also brings: people who linger in my room because they have nothing to do, drunks, and the hyper who throw themselves onto my bed. July 15, 2004: I was hanging out with Party Girl Laura last night. Well, it was more of her coming to my room and drinking beer and her telling stories. We also hung out last night. She's fun, but I can see her really being a pest. Then again, she's always droopy eyed and on the verge of hiccuping whenever we hang out. She's the girl version of me that can also out drink me. She drank all of my Miller High Life. She hits me when I laugh at her, is slightly licentious, and always spills beer in my room. On Tuesday, she came to my room in her underwear (but wearing a shirt) to hang out in my room while I was watching 28 Days Later. Its almost like my room is hers. We get along like we're Scarlett Johanson & Bill Murray from Lost in Translation. Although we're not really unlikey friends because she's more of a hardline conservative ideologue than me (thus we have a social match). She also has my extra pillow (I have three), my wool blanket and my alarm clock in her room. Because I fell asleep early, and was too out of it, I couldn't pick up the phone when Catherine called me last night. She called me on Sunday drunk and was kind of moping on why I don't call her anymore. I messaged her yesterday to ask if she wants to have coffee or grab a bite to eat. After all, I should be friends with her in the same way I'm friends with many others. I've been availing myself of my T1 Internet connection and the U of T internal file sharing netowrk. I've been downloading movies and music. Movies download onto my PC in an average of 3 minutes. Here's what I have: Pulp Fiction, Ronin, S.W.A.T., Scary Movie 3, Terminator 3, Terminator 2, The Big Lebowski, The Butterfly Effect, Fog Of War, The Chronicles of Riddick, The Game, Blue Crush, The Bourne Identity, KIDS, The Girl Next Door, Mean Girls, Memento, 21 Grams, 28 Days Later, American Pie 3, Bend It Like Beckham, Confessions of A Dangerous Mind, Cruel Intentions, Eurotrip, The Hunt for Red October, Goodfellas, Kill Bill Vol 2, Lost In Translation, Pirates of The Carribean, Farhenheit 9/11. Lastly, I have a plethora of X rated full length features! My PC is rather powerful, its serves as a good makeshift home theater. I have a 19" Dell Trinitron monitor and 1000W speakers & subwoofer. Here are the hardware stats: AMD XP BARTON 2500, 1.83 GHz, 512 MB of RAM Asus A7N8X (motherboard) 2 X 256M Dual DDR400 WD 80G (8M) HDD LG/LiteOn 52X CDRW & 16X DVD Combo MSI GF FX5200-TD128M (Video Card) July 16, 2004: Like clockwork, Laura (a.k.a. the pest who looks like Katie Holmes) came over my room again to drink my beer, smoke my cigarettes and hang out. I don't mind the hanging out. But she did say, that we're such good friends and too close that there won't be a "penis vagina" thing going on between us (her words) yet we'll still hang out profusely while she simultaneously takes over my room like she does whenever she's here. I can't write too much now because she's in the shower an is coming back in a few moments. July 19, 2004: Laura came by again. I'd only been awake for an hour, having fallen asleep from 2PM until 7PM. She keeps talking and talking... She didn't stay at her boyfriend's (who she complains about) tonight because she said she wanted to hang out with me and asked if I was looking for her yesterday (I wasn't). "Warren asked me to stay tonight, but I didn't because I want to hang out with you". Now I feel bad, both because I haven't done anywork all day and that I can't hang out with her (we were supposed to watch a movie last night too). She keeps asking if I like hanging out with her or if she's bothering me while also apologizing (constantly). I got rid of her because I told her I have to do homework... She wants me to check on her (i.e. visit her in an hour so we can go for a walk and buy cigarettes). FUCK! She probably wants me to go drink with her (since she's already drinking like usual). I woulnd't mind, but I haven't done much work today and thus can't. Mer, I'll have something for you in the morning. Sorry for taking so long. I fell asleep today and just went to bed lastnight without doing any poetry. Thanks for your patience. :) July 26, 2004: I have an essay to write for sociology that due on Wednesday. I haven't started nor do I understand anything in that class, if I fail it (which is likely), I won't graduate. I passed the point of no return like a month and a half ago. I don't know what to do... Perhaps that's why I'm drinking premimum beer right now (which I never do). I buy "value" e.g. [Miller High Life: The Champagne of Beer!] beer because I buy beer in volume and can't afford premium beer. I have two weeks left to salvage this term... I need to finish so that I can start working (any job) in order to pay rent and party until next summer when I go to England and stay for three months while I try to get accepted into either the British Army or Royal Air Force as a commissioned officer. I've gotten out of bad spots all my university career... However this time, I'm within striking distance of finishing and have lost my reslove to fight. I was talking with Catherine on the phone... Nothing is going on between us; we're just friends. She told me that she's moving to Ottawa on Sept 1st to live with her grandmother. I'm happy for her because, I firmly beleive that people stagnate if they're in one spot too long. She'll also be leaving behind her unsavoury friends who have questionable practices. The force is strong in her. She works hard and is independent. Hopefully, she'll have a fresh start; especially with living in a new environment and hopefully socializatoin with different elements of society--- elements that don't do hard drugs, are connected to the night life and offer a girl with her looks work as an escort (her friends now). As someone I've befriened, I honestly hope that she is one out of X amount that I will be good friends with; perhaps even life long friends with. July 28, 2004: I spent last night moping and socializing rather than working on my essay that's due today. There's a 5% penalty for each day its late. After sleeping 12 HRs; which I just recently risen from, I'm faced with a watershed moment. If I can't do this paper and the next test, I will probably fail and not graduate. It will mean blundering the last few years... It finally caught up with me--- Mercy. Mercy please. Catherine told me that she does modeling. Curiously, I asked: "modeling clothes". She said sometimes not. WTF! I was really upset. I asked her is it amature stuff? She said yes. After she started seeing how upset I was and worried, she also started sounding sad. She began to change her story and told me that she's just thought about doing her so called "modelling" naked and that it was a mis-communication that I interpreted it as she poseing naked for a photographer--- pics that are also supposed to go on some website. I asked her what's the fucking difference between that and porn? She said there's none. Officially, she said that she hasn't modelled naked and that now she doesn't think she will because her mom and step-sister will disaprove. I don't know if I can believe her. Its like she changed her story to gain my approval. She also admitted that she doesn't do it because she needs the money, but something more along the lines that it makes her feel good. I'm so worried about her. I told her that I'm happy for her that she's leaving Toronto to live in Smith Falls (a town of 9000 souls) with her grandparents. She admitted that she's being influenced by the wrong crowd. I honestly think that she's running away from something. At least that's the impression that I get from her voice. She's still rather innocent. She claims that she was approaced and that she's willing to pose for the photographer. What ever the case, I'm really beginning to see porn as exploitation. Yes, I look at and watch porn. However, I can't see her modelling naked and not being reduced to nothing but tits, ass and holes. She's not trash. Its almost like porn is the trashing of girls. July 28, 2004: |
||||
 |
 |
|||
|
