Forum Overview :: Reviews
Darkwatch! by The Gaijin 08/24/2005, 12:27am PDT
Basically American McGee's Spaghetti Western. From the lameass guns to the lameass gameplay to the lameass story to the lameass enemies (flying BAR WENCH ZOMBIES OH GOD) this game really, really sucks. I had to give it a chance because it's a western, but thank god I didn't pay money for it.

Graphics 7/10
Sometimes the game genuinely looked good. Unfortunately these decent graphics were wasted on RETARDED concepts. Everything was spikes and dirt and DARKWATCH EVIL BLOOD BUUUUUUUUUUUH NUT

Gameplay 0/10
Some of you may have noticed the main character has one eye. Apparently, the developers decided to illustrate this point by giving you no field of vision or any real depth perception! Judging from the first hour, most of the gameplay is "noises coming from behind you, turn around, shoot a million times, repeat." Occasionally, you'll get to ride your HELLSTEAD (it was just a normal horse until YOU ATTACKED IT STEALING ITS SOUL AND FEEDING ON ITS BLOOD EVIL EVIL), and at that point all gameplay goes out the fucking window! You can fire your gun as fast as you want without reloading! You don't even have to dodge anything because your BLOOD METER hardly ever gets harmed!

Sound 0/10
All of the voices pissed me off, particularly the southern belle SASSY BEAUTIFUL VAMPIRE HUNTRESS. Bitch. Less shooting, more cooking me dinner. >:(

Story 0/10
You are a TOUGH AS NAILS CROOK OUT FOR ONE LAST SCORE. Apparently you've done NO research on this ONE LAST SCORE because there's no goddamn loot on this train. That doesn't stop JERICHO CROSS. Instead of maybe leaving when vampires start attacking, Jericho goes ahead and opens the giant skull embossed steel door with the evil green lights behind it. Then he becomes a SORT OF vampire. Then, some other shit. I didn't play it long enough to get to the DARKWATCH because this shit is stupid. DO NOT TRY AND REINVENT THE WHEEL. Westerns and vampires NEVER EVER NEEDED EACH OTHER EVER.

In short: the game is a waste of time. Hopefully Gun will be decent, because Red Dead Revolver was too mediocre to be the measuring stick for wild west games.
Darkwatch! by The Gaijin 08/24/2005, 12:27am PDT NEW
    Exhibit D in the "all games (not GTA) with extensive ad campaigns suck" case NT by FABIO 08/24/2005, 1:44am PDT NEW
        it also doesn't help that by FABIO 08/24/2005, 1:48am PDT NEW
    Outlaws was a great Western game. They should make a new one. NT by Fullofkittens 08/24/2005, 6:10pm PDT NEW
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