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SILENT STORM
review by Bitter
It's very polished technically, it just needs someone to inject some soul. |
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TEMPLE OF ELEMENTAL EVIL
review by Bill Dungsroman
Bill tries really hard to like a game, and fails. Look inside for a hidden surprise! |
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GAMEBOY THREE PACK REVIEW
review by Kab(uke) Seme and Jhoh "Creexul" Cable
Three Gameboy games are reviewed within: Boktai, Mario & Luigi Superstar Saga and Castlevania: Aria of Sorrow. |
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THRONE OF BHAAL
review by Bill Dungsroman
When fags on BG2 message boards screech “WHEN R THEY GOIN 2 MAKE BG3!??!!?” I just reply with “They already did. It’s called Throne of Bhaal.” |
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DISGAEA (PS2)
review by K. Thor Jensen
I haven't played Disgaea in two weeks. The time I would have spent playing this game has been replaced, in a very nearly 1:1 ratio, by furiously searching my room for the disk. |
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HOMEWORLD II
review by Bitter
Don't. |
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ICEWIND DALE II
review by Bill Dungsroman
IWD2 is pretty dull. It seems BIS peaked with Baldur's Gate II, since this game doesn’t have near the same excitement, depth, or fun as BG2 did. |
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FINAL FANTASY X (PS2)
review by Bitter
Subtlety, thy name is Square Soft. Though I haven't played any of the previous games in this series, and will very likely not be playing any of the future games, I enjoyed the gentle, subdued majesty of a game that names its main villainy thing "Sin". |
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BALDUR'S GATE
review by Bill Dungsroman
Your epic story begins in the famous Candlekeep, which is apparently the nerdiest keep along the Sword Coast of the Forgotten Realms. Instead of boasting a large, impressive garrison, it has the biggest library. I’m sure it turns out mythical heroes BY THE PLATOON with credentials like that. |
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POSTAL 2
review by ICJ
I'd like to offer you advice on whether or not to purchase Postal 2. I'd like to, but having paid the suggested retail price of $49.99, I find myself unable to give advice to anyone, on any subject, at any time. |
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LINKS 2003
review by creativepig
I watched Mike Weir rock the United States (effectively making it the eleventh province) on TV and decided it was time for me to play golf again. |
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DEAD OR ALIVE XTREME BEACH VOLLEYBALL (XBOX)
review by Fussbett
I love Tomonobu "Tekken 4 is a piece of shit" Itagaki, but when DOAXBV was released, my world fell apart so completely, I actually hated lesbianism for an entire afternoon. |
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TALES OF THE SWORD COAST
review by Bill Dungsroman
If you happen to be nostalgic – or masochistic – enough to
want to play Baldur's Gate 1 (BG1), then you will want to play this
expansion, without question. Since the damned thing comes bundled with BG1 for around $20.00
anyway, you may as well.
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ANIMAL CROSSING (GC)
review by jeep
I'm not sure what happened or how it happened, but the game goes from being about getting stoned, decorating your house feng-shui style and fishing to suddenly becoming this horrible nightmare...
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ATTAQ IRAQ (war)
review by Caltrops Forum
Just like everyone else, Caltrops can't stop talking about cocks, and now, Iraq. In this wild experiment in reviewing, a bunch of Caltrops forum people weigh in with their early thoughts about Attaq Iraq.
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XENOSAGA (PS2)
review by John "Creexul" Cable
Judging by my senses and perception skills, which are advanced light years beyond any fan of Xenogears or Xenosaga, they spent more time working on the detail of the 12 year old character MOMO's panties rather than working on a story that makes sense and isn't so goddamned preachy all the time.
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ICEWIND DALE
review by Bill Dungsroman
Ravenous retarded D&D fans ate up any ol’ crap BIS threw at them. Naturally, I count myself among them; Icewind Dale (IWD) was the only game I've bought in the last ten years without first reading reviews from a reputable source before purchasing (y’know, like PC Gamer. Stop laughing).
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SYSTEM SHOCK 2
review by Fabio
Everyone you know tells you that this is one of the greatest games ever made. Everyone you know is a goddamn whore. System Shock 2 is the perfect example of a good concept brought down by poor execution, just like communism.
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BALDUR'S GATE II: SHADOWS OF AMN
review by Bill Dungsroman
Baldur's Gate: Shadows of Amn (BG2) is long. It should have been two or three shorter games. "But Bill, a lot of the game is optional." Fuck you. You know what else is optional? Paying my electric bill and wiping my ass, neither which I'm any more likely to give up as I will playing through every nook and cranny in an RPG.
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HALF LIFE: CHEMICAL EXISTENCE
review by John "Jhoh" Cable & Josh "Jsoh" Cable
Creexul and his brother go into the past to attack a fan made and inexplicably fan loved total conversion mod for Half-Life. You know something's wrong when a mod touts realism up the ass and includes enemies that will take a minimum of four bullets STRAIGHT TO THE HEAD before even reacting.
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RYGAR: THE LEGENDARY ADVENTURE (PS2)
review by Fussbett
You probably wouldn't expect a game based around a spiked yo-yo wielding Roman gladiator to be a docile affair. Well start expecting it, Buster! This review also makes fun of James Hetfield right in the first paragraph.
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BATTLEFIELD 1942
review by Bodybag
Buy it. Loads of fun, despite the few glaring flaws. Just be warned that it will need a decent system with plenty of ram to be acceptably playable, and that problems like hit detection might be too large to address in any patch.
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WARCRAFT III
review by John "Creexul" Cable
Here is a game that is pretty cool at first. Eventually it sucks really really hard. It's really good to build up a huge army and ravage the
enemy base, complete the objectives and do all that happy horse SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But then you finish the mission, and it's like,
"hey, where the fuck's my huge powerful army?"
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FELLOWSHIP OF THE RING
review by Bill Dungsroman
As it turns out, Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring (FotR; I'll underline
it for clarity) is based on – get this – the book, whereas The Two Towers (TTT) is based on the film. You see, Black Label (via Universal/Vivendi) has
the book license, and EA has the film license. Or something; who fucking cares?
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FREEDOM FORCE
review by ICJ
The game starts with a revelation that the Earth is the last free planet in the universe. If you find your eyebrows arching up towards your beret at that premise, well, take heed, you dirty fucking beatnik: Irrational decided to start the game out in the 1960s, where commies were responsible for all the evil in the world...
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SOUL REAVER 2
review by Mischief Maker
Vampires are super strong, turn into mist and bats and wolves, drink people's blood, are totally immune to bullets and swords, and can get it on with any chick they want because of their hypnotic eyes. Now imagine for a minute the dozens of kickass games you could make featuring any one of those powers. |
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