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| Bill Dungsroman 9/10/2004 |
Buffalo Bills
|  | | | | Great Moments in Buffalo Bills History: Scott Norwood ensures he gets mentioned on a snotty games website 14 years after his first Super Bowl. | |
Last season I predicted the
Bills’ defense would show serous improvement. I was right; the Bills’ D placed
second overall for the season. I incorrectly thought that improved defense would translate
to a better record over their 8-8 of 2002. Oops, they only won six games, as many as their
division mate Jets won, and the Jets had to do without their starting QB for a significant
proportion of the season. And the Bills’ superlative D gives them great field
position, while the Jets’ defense usually makes it tougher on them. What the Hell? Oh
yeah, former OC Kevin Gilbride is fucking stupid and former coach Gregg Williams let him
do whatever he wanted, which was essentially jack shit in terms of mid-game adjustments.
New head coach Mike “Buncha” Mularkey is the old OC from Pittsburgh, so at least you’ve
got an offensive guy running things – Williams was a former DC. There are worse
philosophies than If Defense Good And Offense Sucks, Hire Former Offensive Coordinator As
Head Coach. Whatever, as long as Gilbride isn’t running your offense. Now it’s
former Pitt-QB coach Tom Clements. That’s cool, Mike takes some of his old staffers
on board and promotes them. QB Drew Bledsoe would do well to have a former QB coach as his
OC. Oh yeah, that offense? Thirtieth overall
last year. Somebody besides Bill Parcells needs to figure out how to maximize Drew’s
skills on the field. I mean, he’s got some good years left in him, and J.P. Losman
isn’t ready yet. It’s tough to figure out. WR Eric Moulds is one of the best
receivers in the league. Sure, he had a nagging groin last year, but I see him on a plane
to Honolulu
next February. That combination of size, speed and hands is just too good, Moulds is (or
should be) a fantasy football coach’s wet dream. #2 guy Bobby Shaw is just fine, and
first round pick Lee Evans shows huge potential – his hands, speed, and mature
attention to route-running makes him a solid #3 guy who will start before too long. But,
what’s this retarded McGahee/Henry Start-Me-Or-Trade-Me controversy? Overblown, it
seems; both players are now firmly denying any of that horseshit. Maybe because Henry said
it then gimped himself in the preseason and McGahee probably never said it at all (he
still has to prove his knee is 100%), I’m guessing. Hey, they have an offensive line
more suited to setting up the run anyway.
Okay, let’s get back to
the sweet defense. Still sweet, I’m happy to say. The Buffalo Jills (no, really) will
be twirling their pom-poms in misogynist-patronizing glee over defensive plays again this
year. The line is like a porn star’s blow job: deep and obviously talented. DTs Sam
Adams and Pat Williams are monsters who rule the inside. I like how two of the biggest,
fattest dudes in football are named “Sam” and “Pat.” These guys should
be named Alouicious Engleberger and Methuselah Balasubramanian. DE Aaron Schobel will vie
for a Pro Bowl ticket if he makes just a few more big plays. The Bills hope Chris Kelsey
beats out mediocre Ryan Denney for the other DE spot. The best unit on the Bills defense
is unquestionably the linebackers. WLB Takeo Spikes, MLB London Fletcher, and SLB Jeff
Posey are without doubt absolute badasses, and furthermore these tough motherfuckers are
one of the few starting LB trios in the league that play every down. All three can cover, blitz, clog the
run, you name it. Although SS Lawyer Milloy played with the grudge he came with after
being cut by the Patriots right before the season opened last year, he still got beat out
by speedy WRs (and some TEs). Still, he’s a solid, smart guy. FS Izell Reese could
learn some more from him but it might be from the bench, since the team wants Pierson
Prioleau to up the consistency of his game to the point where he could start in place of
Reese. Free agent addition Troy Vincent bolsters the CB position in place of departed
Antoine Winfield. Opposite the ageless Vincent is Nate Clements, himself a potential Pro
Bowl candidate. Six-foot Terrence McGee was fantastic in slot coverage last season as a
rookie and there is no reason to think he won’t be just as good this year.
In any other AFC division, I see the Bills earning a playoff berth with relative ease. But,
in the AFC East, I doubt it. A new coach, a
new offensive and defensive system (for al the defense’s talent), these are things
that carry a learning curve. Remember two years ago, when the AFC East was at three-way
tie? And guess who was the fourth team out? I don’t put much stock in Miami
but New England has become the new NFL dynasty and the Jets play rough and will have Chad Pennington the
whole year. But, there is a fairly good chance, if things click quick enough, that the
Bills can squeeze into a Wild Card spot over the Jets, who have problems of their own. The
first two months are going to be real important for these guys; a losing or near-.500
record for the Bills will herald their doom.
Miami Dolphins
|  | | | | Great Moments in Miami Dolphins History: Photoshop doesn't have a built-in "green haze" feature for depicting chronic... er use of the chronic, so I went with their LSD filter, which, hell, Ricky Williams probably likes more than football as well. | |
Head Coach Dave Wannstedt proved years ago with the Bears that he couldn’t coach a
team that wasn’t loaded with talent. Well, the Dolphins may look better than Wanny’s
old Bears did, but they aren’t the same Fins they were just a few seasons ago,
either. Not helping matters is ex-RB, ex-temporarily sane person Rickey Williams, who
would rather toke doobies hiding in India and spend all the money Miami gave him to, you
know, actually play football, and blame it all on his various personality disorders
instead of continue his career as a potential Hall of Fame RB when all was said and done.
So, who replaces Williams, who was once led the league in rushing? Travis “Most
Definitely” Minor. Hey, no problem: the Dolphins will go pass-happy. Yeah, except WR
David Boston, fresh from a disappointing stint in San Diego, blew a knee tendon in
practice. The Dolphins then rashly traded with Chicago (interestingly enough) for Marty
Booker, generously giving them DE Adewale Ogunleye. Why? Why give up a solid starting DE
who used to make up one of the best starting DE duo in the league with Jason Taylor for a
#2 guy behind the occasionally-great Chris Chambers? Because there is, essentially
speaking, nobody on the roster who is even good enough to be #3. Chambers would get
double, even triple coverage on every play, without reservation. Booker is actually pretty
good – if he stayed, he might nab the #1 spot by the start of next season. But, who
is under center? A.J. Feeley or Jay Fiedler? Probably Feeley. Why? Even though Feeley is
notorious for looking lame in practice, he goes off in real game time. His arm blows
Fiedler’s Ivy League noodle away, and the Dolphins are most definitely thinking pass.
Chambers could easily blossom as a downfield burner if they had a guy who could physically
get the ball to him. And oh yeah, co-owner Wayne Huizenga and GM Rick Spielman want Feeley
to start. Need I say more? The problems with the offense weren’t all Fielder’s
fault, however. The line was awful, and the team knows that they aren’t upgrading in
mobility with Feeley. The line has been revamped, with the addition of LG Jeno James from
Carolina and promotion of C Seth McKinney and RG Greg Jerman to replace all three starting
interior lineman from last season. OT Wade Smith excelled as a rookie last year and this
year’s first-round pick was Vernon Carey, who will eventually start as well. I’m
not really sure any of this is a guarantee of better line play, however.
The Dolphins have been known for their defense for several years now and it has been
relatively free of talent leakage. However, some chinks in the once-gleaming armor of this
unit will show this year. Now, you still can’t run on the Dolphins, because DTs Tim
Bowens, Larry Chester and Jeff Zgonina rotate in and all are monsters in run defense. But,
they’re all too slow to do much in pass. Taylor is still a Pro Bowl favorite, but
David “No Relation” Bowens isn’t as good as Ogunleye, but he is still
starter material. I still see a downgrade in pass defense. The Dolphins might blitz more
to secure the pass D. Well, LB Zach Thomas isn’t fast enough to help with that.
There, I said it. Oh, he still tackles like madman and is great in coverage. Junior Seau’s
Pro Bowl glory days are gone, but he’s still valuable – against the run. Marlon
Greenwood is merely okay. With a potentially anemic pass rush, the Dolphins are going to
be relying on their secondary more than ever this season. Well, they have a great
secondary, they always have a great secondary, right? Yeah, not so much anymore. FS Brock
Marion was released, for starters. I think he’s still a good player, but the Dolphins’
schemes require the FS to be great and back up
the CBs in coverage. As a result, Marion’s replacement will either be Arturo Freeman
or Antuan Edwards, both former CBs. CB Patrick Surtain will play nickel this season.
Relax, he hasn’t been demoted, he’s just so goddamned awesome he can eat up the
entire middle in nickel like nobody can. Free agent Reggie Howard is in from Carolina, and
he may replace Sam Madison, who is starting to slow. Either way, the Fins have a quality
guy at all three positions in nickel. However, a team with a cannon-armed QB might work
the sidelines on them, since the Dolphins’ best coverage guy will be in the middle.
The Dolphins have been nearly there for many seasons, but have stumbled for a variety
of reasons. This year, the reason will be lack of talent and lag time in the settling of
the offense. A new OC, a new QB, an almost completely new offensive line, and a few
obvious downgrades in the defense, these things don’t add up very well. Not in that
division, not when other teams have clearly held fast or improved. The Dolphins are out
this year, and Wannstedt is going to start feeling the heat losing coaches get.
New England Patriots
|  | | | | Great Moments in New England Patriots History: Drafting Irving Fryar #1 overall was a bad moment, but the guys taken after him in 1984 were all worse. So instead, a great moment for the team would be snagging the NFL's first game this season. The last two openers were in New York and Washington thanks to the 9/11 attacks and DC Sniper incident that happened the year before. The only bad thing that happened in Boston was Aaron Boone hitting a home run, but there's a 60% chance that any New Englander you encounter will argue that the Red Sox getting eliminated like that is on par with those other tragedies. This is pretty much why everyone hates them. | |
There is little, if anything, deficient with this team. A team that
has always been busting at the seams with intangibles is now showing it on paper. WRs
Deion Branch and Troy Brown are a great 1-2 punch who make Brady look good when Brady isn’t
in turn making them look good. #3 guy Bethel Johnson needs a little more seasoning, but he’s
one the fastest guys on the team. TEs Christian Fauria, Daniel Graham, and first-round
pick Ben Watson will all push for playing time, and are all quality players. The biggest
knock on the Patriots in the Brady era has always been the running game. Kevin “The
Other” Faulk never really made it to the marquee, as they say. So, the Pats just went
and got Corey fucking Dillon. Now, the Pats offense is wide open. Actually, it probably
won’t change much, except Brady isn’t going to have to face as many
second/third-and-longs as he used to. They’ll also be able to eat a Hell of a lot
more clock. C Damien Woody was lost to the Lions, but second-year guy Dan Kopper did so
well in his rookie season, there won’t be appreciable drop-off in talent. He’s
got Gs Joe Andruzzi and Russell Hochstein, above-par players in their own right, to help
him out. The bench guys are pretty good and they will be pushing the starters. Even though
Tom Ashworth and Matt “I’m Kinda” Light are small guys for OTs, their
athleticism more than makes up for it. Good thing they’re both in shape and have a
tendency to stay healthy: Belicheck is counting on it, since there are no real proven guys
behind them.
The Pats’ defense has always been held in high regard despite
its typical average finishes in the rankings. Well, last season they finished seventh
overall, a ranking they have long-deserved. The only big question mark going into this
season is at NT. Ted Washington is gone, so it’s up to Keith Traylor. He’s big
enough, but he’s actually never played in the 3-4, which asks the most of a NT. All
the DEs on the roster beside Traylor are more fitting as DEs. However, Warren, Green and
Seymour are great as DEs and will typically line
up there. Richard Seymour is the cornerstone of the the Pats’ defense. Ty Warren has
all the skills of Seymour, but just a touch less panache. The 3-4 scheme is further
bolstered, as it has to be, by the LBs. Mike Vrabel and Willie McGinest are big, quick
guys who are model 3-4 LBs. Tedy Bruschi continues to shine with his speed and quick
thinking, and Roman Phifer is apparently ageless. In the secondary, SS Rodney Harrison
adroitly avoids the free agent talent drop that many players, especially defensive
players, always seem to experience. He’s still one of the best safeties in the
league: intimidating, a great tackler, and valuable in run defense and in blitzing
schemes. FS Eugene Wilson is a converted CB and can cover the field like one still. He
needs to keep his eye on the ball a little better, though. CB Ty Law still commands the
respect of a top-flight, shut-down corner. He’d better hope he doesn’t get
bogged down by the NFL’s commitment to re-inforce the Pass Interference/Defensive
Holding penalties as they swear they are going to. Law says he has no plans to change his
game, but it’s his game specifically
(coupled with the Panthers’ CBs from last post-season) that prompted the league to
throw the flag more often. Nobody’s itching to throw it at him regardless. Tyrone
Poole will still get most of the balls thrown his way, but he’s a magnificent CB who
only really got burned by Carolina in the Super Bowl last year. He’s under the
microscope for overly-aggressive DB play too, though.
The only place you’re safe putting the ball is over the deep middle out
of the slot, Asante Samuel isn’t big enough to be a nickelback, but he is.
There is absolutely no reason to think the Patriots won’t again
be the team to beat in the entire AFC, even more so than in prior years. They don’t
care if you think you’re ready for them, or are committed to not being taken by
surprise by them. They are solid on offense, defense, and special teams, and are coached
by one of – if not the – best coaching staffs in the league. Injury is the only
X Factor that would herald a stumble by the Patriots this year. Someone’s going to
have to get lucky in the post-season to knock these guys off. My only advice, from
watching their two Super Bowl wins and a couple of post-season games: DON’T LET THEM
GET THE BALL WITH MORE THAN ONE MINUTE TO PLAY IN THE FOURTH QUARTER.
New York Jets
|  | | | | Great Moments in New York Jets History: Mark Gastineau congratulates Michael Strahan on breaking his single season sack record by FUCKING MAKING OUT WITH HIM. | |
Look for QB Chad Pennington to call more audibles this season, now in
his fourth year in OC Paul Hackett’s bastardized West Coast Offense scheme. He’s
a perfect fit for a short/medium range passing scheme like the WCO. Also great for the
scheme is WR Santana Moss with his great YAC-making skills, and newcomer Justin McCareins,
a nice big target for Chad. McCareins’ arrival demotes Wayne Chrebet to #3 guy,
working mostly out of the slot, but really that’s where he excels anyway. Also, he
isn’t complaining about it like he used to. Expect to see more 2-TE sets as well, so
Anthony Becht, Chris Baker, and Mikhael Ricks will all get serious playing time. FBs will
also get some some snaps, so Jerald Sowell and BJ Askew will figure in heavily. One reason
for the increased FB reliance is that, sadly, RB Curtis Martin is finally showing signs of
age. RB Lamont Jordan, who is definitely faster and younger than Martin if nothing else,
will also work himself into an eventual starting job. The Jets’ line looks pretty
good, as usual. C Kevin Mawae is a perennial Pro Bowl favorite, and he deserves it unlike
a lot of guys who get grandfathered in. Ask Martin how valuable he is, it’s usually
Mawae’s pull blocks that give Martin his running lanes inside. RG Brandon Moore is a
converted DL, so I hope he doesn’t get confused and try to tackle Pennington after
the snap. OTs Jason Fabini and Kareem McKenzie
are a solid duo, but elite corner blitzers can dust them. I’m not too happy with the
depth along the line, though, so the Jets had better hope the line stays healthy.
DT Dewayne Robertson was last year’s first-round pick, but he
was a disappointment. He dropped 12 pounds to up his speed, and he’ll line up using
the “Three Technique,” in which he’ll line up between the G and OT and try
to plow the G inwards off the snap. DT Jason Ferguson is a good starter, and will be part
of a four-man rotation of DTs. Things look up on the outside, however. DEs Shaun Ellis and
John Abraham are both Pro Bowlers. New DC Donnie Henderson wants to mix in a heavy dose of
3-4, so Ellis will line up as a LB in 3-4 packages. Why? Ellis is great vs. the run and
the LB corps isn’t all that spectacular. MLB Sam Cowart is starting to decline, and
he’ll be pushed by first-round pick Jonathan Valine, who has the speed the Jets’
LB corps desperately needs. SLB Victor Hobson and WLB Eric Barton are good guys, but
neither are burners who can cover sideline-to-sideline. How about the secondary? SS Sam
Garnes sucked last year, so the Jets kicked him and brought Reggie Tongue in from Seattle,
a definite upgrade. But! Tongue doesn’t learn new schemes all that quickly. FS Jon
McGraw has good range but he’s only started seven games. Henderson wants his CBs to
play a lot of man-to-man. That’s a shitty idea, Donnie. Sure, you brought in David
Barrett from the Cardinals, who is used to getting a zillion passes thrown at him, but
neither he nor Donnie Abraham nor Ray Mickens are shut-down guys. Sure, they’re all
starter material, but any team with a good QB and receiving unit can move the ball on
these dudes, and no doubt they pull in a ton of PI/DH flags.
I’m really no fan of the Jets’ defense going into this
season, and there are some potential concerns in the running game and along the line. Any
weakness will be exaggerated in this division, so it’s hard to see the Jets doing
better than a Wild Card spot, mostly by virtue of Pennington’s talent. I just see the
defense hurting more than helping them (again).
 Bill Dungsroman
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