Posted
on June 10, 2013, 6:00 AM,
by Jerry Whorebach,
under Article.
1. Super Mario Bros. (NES, 1985) [EDITOR’S CHOICE: GOLD AWARD]
SMB is the best because it’s the purest. All subsequent Mario games would dumb down the physics to one extent or another, giving you more control over Mario after he was already in the air. But that would neuter this game, a laser-focused left-to-right (you can’t even scroll the screen backwards) momentum-based action game built around mastering the run and jump maneuver to make Mario land exactly where you need him to. To this day, it’s the Mario that’s most like a pinball table. The version in Super Mario All-Stars is still pretty fun, and it’s how I finally played The Lost Levels (which I ended up enjoying way more than Super Mario Bros. 2 USA), but they changed the way Mario bounces after smashing a brick, making everything slower and floatier and at least 25% less like pinball. Criminal!
Posted
on June 3, 2013, 12:01 AM,
by Ice Cream Jonsey,
under Article.
I remember playing Shadow Warrior when it was a new release – the Build engine really was incredible. There’s a few sites that talk about what sort of games made them the waste of space gamer they are today. Man, the Build engine really had an effect on me. Okay, we all laughed at TekWar, but if I remember correctly, we were hit up with Duke Nukem 3D, Shadow Warrior, Blood and Redneck Ramage. How many engines are capable of four games like that? Okay, plenty of them, but still. What a great series of games.
Unless you’re part of the fists-against-eyes offenderati, I mean. Worm explains. But let’s not not play the Shadow Warrior reboot!
Posted
on May 31, 2013, 12:01 AM,
by Skullduggery,
under News.
The effects of methamphetamines on the human body are well documented. The drug provides users a euphoric experience by overloading the brain’s dopamine receptors to the point where they burn out and are no longer available to function. Short term users of the drug report an inability to feel “as happy” as they used to; long term users report an inability to feel happy about anything, ever. Behavioral changes (often permanent) for users include paranoia, delusions, aggression, hallucinations, and more. Physically, meth constricts blood vessels and restricts blood flow, causing damage to the addict’s skin and specifically his or her gums, causing rapid tooth decay and loss. The sensation of having “bugs under the skin” often causes those on the drug to pick and scratch their own skin off. There is a notoriously high infection rate of hepatitis and HIV/AIDS among users of the drug due to the sharing of needles. Those the drug doesn’t kill quickly often find themselves homeless, in prison, or worse.
Based on that description one might be led to think that no sane person would ever try meth, much less use it on a regular basis. But the fact is, people do. Anyone with access to cable television knows that methamphetamines will unequivocally ruin their health and wreck their lives. Meth contains lye, the primary ingredient in drain cleaner. It contains ammonia, which can permanently affect your lungs by breathing it in a single time. It also contains lighter fluid, hydrochloric acid, brake fluid, Drano, ether, red phosphorus from matchstick heads, and of course, ephedrine. And the best part is, drug manufacturers have no incentive to change their product because people keep coming back for it. Like moths to a bug zapper, it gets ’em every time.
The first documented case of meth mouth.
This brings us to Microsoft’s newest console, the Xbox One.
Posted
on May 22, 2013, 1:31 PM,
by Roody Yogurt,
under Review.
Everyone knows the story about the boy who wants to be a wizard. At first, he leads a lackluster existence, living with uncaring caretakers and sleeping in barely-habitable quarters. His circumstances vastly improve when he makes his way to a school for blossoming spellcasters, where all the teachers have funny names and the students play some fictional sport loosely influenced by real world ones. It isn’t long before our hero discovers sinister forces are afoot and finds out that he has long been destined for greater things.
That hero, of course, was Ernie Eaglebeak. The year was 1990, the game was Spellcasting 101: Sorcerers Get All the Girls, and the author was Steve Meretzky– although this plot was doomed to be ripped off by hack authors for years to come.
Posted
on May 21, 2013, 1:07 PM,
by Ice Cream Jonsey,
under News.
The “Xbox One” is the dumbest name for anything. It is the dumbest name for a consumer electronic in human history, at least. I always believed that the name “Wii” would stand alone as the dumbest name. Wii phonetically sounds like penis. “Xbox One” is worse because, and I can’t believe I have to say this, but because this is the third Xbox system, and the original one was just called “Xbox.”
Maybe “One” refers to the number of times a particular game can be sold, what with them trying to kill the used market.
… It’s astounding just how stupid that name is. I hope they name the 4th Xbox “Original Xbox.” I hope they name the next one “Colecovision.” I hope that there is some stupid, stupid fucking person at Microsoft that saw the terrible name for this system and sees it as a challenge to be overcome in 6 years.
How did something this dumb come into being? Here’s a quote:
When Senior Principal Creative Director Carl Ledbetter and his team set out to design the Xbox One, the only rule they had is everything had to be drawn without lifting a pen. “If you can’t,” he says, “it’s too complicated.”
How clever! You better be thinking that these very special, gifted people are clever as well. That’s the point, you see. That is why they told Wired, who gleefully published the quote like it was an Adrian Lamo chat log.
But I guess the Xbox One won’t contain switches anywhere because the pen has to lift. Or a battery. Or many other basic building blocks of electronics.
Posted
on April 25, 2013, 10:52 AM,
by lethargic,
under Article.
I don’t know if you know this, but somebody blew Boston off the map last week. Well, that’s how it sounds according to the news and social media. Watching events unfold on twitter that night I noticed “Sandy Hook” was trending. I always like to see how people try to tie one tragedy in with another so I clicked it. What I found was this tweet…
“Im still a teenager ive been alive for: -9/11 -the sandy hook shooting -the dark knight rises theatre shooting -and more“
And then another one…
“Sandy hook, theater shooting, Boston bombing, threats from Korea….and im still under 16.”
And another…
“9/11 -Virginia Tech Fort Worth Aurora, CO Theater Sandy Hook, shootings -Boston Marathon Bombing. And I’m only 17. #sad”
Posted
on March 26, 2013, 11:58 PM,
by The Warezwolf and Don Rogers,
under Review.
You wake. You are wading in a blue, 8-bit ocean. The blocky, aliased sun shines brightly above you. In the distance, a hazy form clutters the horizon. You approach, and the outline forms into an island. What is the island? Why is it there? Why are you there? Proteus offers no answers, only beckons you to explore her shores, her mountains, her ever-changing and fluttering array of flora and fauna that seem to exist for the oldest reason of all: merely to exist.
yep Jerry nope never been to New yokrk city myself I'll tell you why Jerry cause first time some fucken queen with aids tried to squeegee my car I'm going to get out and rip there fucjen arms off and shove that squeegee straight in theor fuc Ken ass they're going g to be spitting […]
Military, huh well nope I never enlisted tell you why first time that drill instructor raised his fucjen mouth around me id drop that sob like a sack of shit that sack if shit yup yup Id beat the shot out of him and it would take 10 guys to get me of him fuck […]
Exclusive wrote:I use it and never buy from the shits that pull that crap Want to be exclusive there for a year? Great! I'll never buy another game from you So you're never going to buy a game by Supergiant? I call bullshit.
Reviews in the forums
Pacific Drive (PC)
by Fullofkittens 1/2/2025 negative!
Commander Tansin A. Darcos
