Caltrops - Sly Cooper Collection





	[quote name="Horrible Gelatinous Blob"]So I went to a focus group screening of Sucker Punch. [youtube id="KrIiYSdEe4E"] Pros: <li> Visually, the action scenes are breathtaking. In the era of the Doug Liman shaky-cam, directing a well-staged, clearly-plotted action scene is something of a lost art, but if there's nothing else Zack Snyder can do, it's direct an action scene. <li> Hot hot hot girls wearing bustiers, corsets, and fishnets. Emily Browning's DSLs. Eyelashes on the girls that must be half a foot long. <li> The licensed music is...not bad. Not great, but it's interesting if nothing else. <li> The guy who plays Blue isn't half bad. Scarface without the ridiculous Cuban accent or drug problem. <li> I don't know how old Carla Gugino is (if only there was a way to leverage the power of the internet to find out), but she is still hotter than all holy hell. Cons: <li> It's a videogame. Seriously. There's an intro cutscene, then a tutorial level, then a few levels to learn the gameplay concepts, then the story takes a left turn so that you'll be "invested," a final boss that's easier than he should be, a QTE event to decide which ending you get, and then an ending cutscene. It's ridiculous. <li> Everything that's visually distinctive in the movie is stolen from something else (probably a videogame). Giant Japanese statues to fight (Jade Empire). Alternate history World War I soldiers with red eyes and gas masks (Killzone). Dragons and orcs (Every fantasy setting ever). Snyder doesn't have an original idea in his head. <li> These aren't characters. They're not even archetypes. You won't feel any emotion or connection to any of them. They're all complete ciphers, and with the exception of Emily Browning, largely interchangeable. In fact, there's two characters -- Blondie and Amber -- who are given no distinguishing personality characteristics whatsoever. You can substitute one for the other at any given point in the movie and it makes no difference at all. <li> Emily Browning wears one facial expression for pretty much the entire movie. <li> Don Draper is in this movie for some reason. <li> Yet again, half the goddamn movie is slow motion. Jesus Christ. Conclusion: It's beautiful to look at, like <i>Avatar</i>, but it's hollow to the core, like <i>Avatar</i>. Go see it on the big screen once to look at the pretty girls and the awesome action sequences, and then never think about it again. Zack Snyder is rapidly becoming the fratboy answer to Wes Anderson: plowing the same fields to ever-diminishing returns.[/quote]