Forum Overview :: The Netflix Instant Forum :: LIAR!

[quote name="Jerry Whorebach"]Maybe I missed a pair (not likely), but the first tits don't appear until 10 seconds into the movie proper, AFTER a twenty-six minute prologue starring Baby Conan. If you ever wanted to see 10-year-old Conan kill four full-grown Mohawk warriors with his bare hands in the brutally physics-defying fake fight ever filmed, this is the movie for you. In fact, I'm not even sure the prologue is technically in the same movie - the best part of the 1982 version was seeing how Conan went from mewling whelp to king shit of fuck mountain with nothing but a gigantic wheel and some warrior wisdom from Genghis Yoda. It was pretty much the ultimate '80s training montage. This movie elides over that part completely: one minute Baby Conan's looking into his dying father's eyes, the next Jason Momoa's leading a pirate raid on some kind of tit academy. It feels like they put together a complete eighty-seven minute cut only for some producer or focus group to tell them that wasn't enough content to justify the premium ticket price, so they had to go back and tack on a prequel to their own movie. I don't have any evidence for this hypothesis, except for the fact that every plot point from the prologue is re-established later through dialogue, and the narrator from the prologue (Morgan Freeman!) NEVER UTTERS ANOTHER WORD for the remainder of the running time. Also the fact that the finished product is <i>one hundred and thirteen minutes long,</i> which is frankly ridiculous for a 3D barbarian picture starring the tall guy from Star Gate SG-1.[/quote]