Caltrops - The Netflix Instant Forum





	[quote name="Fabio"][quote name="Fullofkittens"] COMPLAINT #1: Nothing against having a dumbass Cryptkeeper intro, but they went just a little too far with it. They keep showing a guy going WTF in between each video, but in the reality of the connective Bros In A House movie, these movies are theoretically supposed to be real. If you saw what was in the first video and you thought it was actually real, you wouldn't go "whoa DUDE!" and then put in another tape. You would freak the fuck out and grab every guy you came with, replay the movie, then run the fuck outta there. It would have been better if they just played the shorts back to back after the intro and then said "boo! Something kills all the bros." But no. COMPLAINT #2: Again with the Bros In A House connective tissue movie: they are there to grab a VHS tape to blackmail some guy... but not a single person knows what's on the tape or who is to be blackmailed. So... what are they even doing? Are they going to watch 200 movies and then decide which one is the blackmailiest? Some guys are walking around in the basement looking for... what? More tapes? The connective movie doesn't make any damn sense at all.[/quote] You forgot that every bro who sits down to watch disappears one by one, and everyone's reaction is "Huh? Where did he go? Oh well, better watch another tape." Are these bros though? Seems like they were going more droog, with mustache guy (who the fuck has that look in 2013?) as Francis from Trainspotting. In fact everything in this anthology was just some regurgitated horror shit. The dead old guy who turns out to be the killer is Saw. [quote]Ok, here's mini reviews of the shorts: <b>Amateur Night</b> If you've seen any marketing for the film, this is the one you know about, and it goes down pretty much like you'd imagine. Some bros take some hos back to a hotel with a plan to secretly film them and sell it as porn... but one of the girls is not what she seems. ^_____^ [/quote] Bordello of Blood meets that gargoyle short from Tales from the Darkness movie. [quote] <b>Second Honeymoon</b> Ti West made the excellent <a href="http://www.caltrops.com/pointy.php?action=viewPost&pid=141490">House Of The Devil</a> and has since been squandering the goodwill he generated there with the so-so <i>The Innkeepers</i> and now this piece of boring garbage. Something bad happens to one bro on his vacation, the end. [/quote] This one pissed me off. Lame married couple is disturbed by vagrant girl asking for a ride one night. The next night, the guy is stabbed to death in his sleep and the wife turns out to be the lesbian lover of the vagrant. The end [quote]<b>The Sick Thing That Happened to Emily When She Was Younger</b> If you do decide to watch <i>VHS</i> don't read any spoilers about this one. I probably would have enjoyed it more if I hadn't read about it beforehand. [/quote] SPOILER if you care! This one: also retarded. This supposed to be some <i>Moon</i> thing where the girls don't know they're zombie clones or whatever kept alive to harvest their hybrid fetuses what the retarded shit? [quote]Some Horseshit in the Woods[/quote] Slenderman [quote]COMPLAINT #3: Just how bad do people think VHS camcorders were!? Every time somebody pans a camera more than an inch, it's accompanied by a blast of static and tracking noise in the image. It's obviously special fx added in post. If you were like me the first thing that intrigued you about this film was "ooh, a shaky cam movie whose theme is short movies filmed on VHS camcorders! I'm in!" Nope. These were all made with digital cameras and then they added... authenticity... by using fx to pretend that their digital cameras were the WORST CAMERAS IN HISTORY. Also, two of the shorts were explicitly not done with camcorders. >:([/quote] What was with the timelines? The bros were using a giant VHS camcorder, but were talking about video websites. One short has wireless HD video from hidden glasses camera, most shorts have smartphones, one takes place in the late 90s.[/quote]