Caltrops - The Backrooms





	[quote name="blackwater"]Ever since Pinback made his post about the Backrooms Canon, I've been wondering about this shit. I even got curious enough to search the internet. I found a collection of terrible but also oddly compelling wiki pages, all based off of <a href="https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/the-backrooms">that one original 4chan shitpost.</a> Level numbers got boring at some point, so people started using punctuation, symbols, and just general stupid shit for level names. Like <a href="https://backrooms.fandom.com/wiki/Level_!">"level exclamation mark"</a> Despite the silly name, Level ! is actually a good level with a simple concept. Monsters chase you down a long hallway for 10 km. I wonder if anyone who edited this wiki could actually run (not walk) for 10 km. Of course we have level 0 (the level that started it all) and some other pretty cool levels, like an all dark level 6. But then things started getting a little bit silly. For example, oh look, it's <a href="https://backrooms.fandom.com/wiki/Level_329">a gimmick level based on a music video.</a> [quote name="Level_329"]Level 329 is an exact copy of the set used in Michael Gray's 2004 hit song "The Weekend". Past the view of the camera within the song are file cabinets that exponentially increase in height as you move away from the printer. The tallest file cabinet has been estimated to be 47 miles tall, touching the previously unknown black ceiling. The walls of the place are also these impossibly high cabinets, which have been found, based on native cartographers, to be shaped like the Greek letter Omega (?). The file cabinets create a maze-like structure in which all inhabitants must traverse, unless you can climb to their tops.[/quote] The article goes on to explain that while you're in the level you can "scrimmage around for pieces of loose paper to eat, with the only source of water being the humidity of the Level, and the apparent randomized moisture of these sheets of paper." Ooookay. Does this person understand that pieces of paper are not food? I also like that they describe a group of settlers who have "about 67548790 members." Yes, 67 million people are living off of moist pieces of paper. Another group is described as "contain[ing] a reported 1267589340 members" but it's hard to tell because they all kind of look alike. I know this is not real, but come on people. I think a 14 year-old wrote this. "Uhhh... there's eleventy bazillion people and the whole thing looks like a giant omega because that's KEWL!!!" The next level <a href="https://backrooms.fandom.com/wiki/Level_%E2%84%B5%E2%82%81">was written by one of them fancy-pants college students who took a math class.</a> [quote name="Level_??"]Level ?1 is similar to Level ?? but has some differences. This level looks like an infinite level with infinite rooms but you are mistaken because this level has an uncountably infinite amount of hallways, segments, and windows, which means it is practically impossible to explore the entire level.[/quote] Wow, what a dope you are, reader. You thought it was infinite but YOU ARE MISTAKEN because it's actually uncountably infinite. (smirks) And what does it look like? Well, here is a drawing from an artist: <img width=500 src="https://static.wikia.nocookie.net/backrooms/images/9/9c/A_rooms_drawing_from_an_artist.jpg"> What a surprise. The guy who took a math class did NOT take a drawing class. But wait, there's more! [quote name="Level_??"]God-like entities are not allowed to enter. There is no explanation why this happens. This level is described to smell ABSOLUTELY horrendous and blocks wanderers to fully describe it. The only word they are allowed to say is, "Bad."[/quote] So, to summarize: 1. Smells bad (but you're not allowed to say HOW BAD) 2. Keeps out God. Maybe God just doesn't want to hang out in a stinky infinite (sorry, UNCOUNTABLY INFINITE) hallway that a math nerd drew on a napkin with a green crayon? Just spitballing here. Let's kick it up a notch and go to <a href="https://backrooms.fandom.com/wiki/Level_890">level 890</a> <img src="https://static.wikia.nocookie.net/backrooms/images/4/44/Anomalus_Forest.jpg" width=500> [quote name="Level 890"]Level 890 seems to be a large forest of about 500 sq km. This level is dangerous because of the different areas on this level. Level 890 is also blood red and sometimes normal red but it's rare. Not much is known about this level and why it's blood red. The level itself is pretty dangerous because the trees inject liquid pain when touched and won't be pleasant. There are three areas to this level: the forest itself, the bloodthirsty lake, and the Unsummit.[/quote] Yes it's dangerous because of all the dangers, and it's blood red but also sometimes normal red. Who wrote this, Ralph Wiggum? I love the description of "the bloodthirsty lake": [quote name="Level 890"]The bloodthirsty lake is a very dangerous lake since it eats victims with their bloody arms resembling ones of a human. Also do not swim in the lake because it is a deadly acid. Also, the lake is boiling hot so don't get near the lake since it's very hot and has stretchy human arms. The reason there are more trees by the minute is that the lake spits out those trees.[/quote] I like how he keeps escalating it. It eats you! No wait, it's deadly acid! No wait, it's boiling hot! When something doesn't explode you, dissolve you or boil you immediately, the Backrooms authors love giving detailed stats for all the bad things that might happen. For example, from the <a href="https://backrooms.fandom.com/wiki/Level_7.7">"bee level"</a> (don't ask): [quote name="level 7.7"]Causes of death can be linked to bee attacks (10% of deaths), phantom bee attacks (80% of deaths), starvation/dehydration (7% of deaths), and other causes (3% of deaths). The estimated survival rate of a person who has stayed here for at least two weeks and has ventured here for at least five miles is 80%. [/quote] This isn't even close to the most absurd example. There are pages that talk about a 0.0006925% chance of something happening (how would any explorer be able to calculate that number?) Or you can get cast into "the void" where you will fall forever, and never be able to get out (but then how do we even know about this place, in-universe?) I guess the real liminal space is these wikis themselves.[/quote]