Caltrops - Peter Molyneux's The Movies





	[quote name="Brody Wilder"]<b>WINNER: <i>The Thin Man</i></b> One of FDR's first acts upon taking office was the repeal of prohibition, once again allowing responsible adults to openly consume alcohol. Overnight, people became wittier, sexier, and more capable of solving complex crimes - just like husband-and-wife detective duo Nick and Nora Charles. Trading bullets for bon mots, the drunken masters of deduction solved high society mysteries through a series of six pictures, none as good as this first one. With a clever script by actual married couple Albert Hackett and Frances Goodrich, even the unenthusiastic direction of Woody "One Take" Van Dyke was no obstacle to the natural chemistry of stars William Powell and Myrna Loy. White lightning in a bottle. <b>The Sure Thing: <i>It Happened One Night</i></b> Big-eyed anime waifu Claudette Colbert and your grandpa's Harrison Ford, Clark Gable, star in the romantic comedy that launched a thousand similar romantic comedies. Spoiled socialite Colbert escapes her overprotective father's yacht and sets out on a cross country odyssey to marry her equally wealthy sweetheart. Confused and frightened by the world of poors, she's picked up by down-on-his-luck reporter Gable, who agrees to get her to the wedding in exchange for the scoop. What follows is a sexier <i>Planes, Trains and Automobiles</i>, a formula so perfectly executed on its shakedown run that we've been using it more or less unchanged for the past 90 years. <b>Standing Tall: <i>Romance in Manhattan</i></b> It's been said there are only really two stories: man leaves town, and man comes to town. Having covered one of the former, let's take a look at one of the latter. <i>Romance in Manhattan</i> stars Francis Lederer as a Czech immigrant rejected at Ellis Island for lack of funds. Escaping deportation, the confused but earnest proto-Balki finds himself under the wing of street-smart chorine Ginger Rogers. Mostly remembered for dancing with Fred Astaire, Rogers - who we met last year playing Anytime Annie in <i>42nd Street</i> ("She only said no once, and that was because she didn't understand the question") - was an accomplished comedic actress in her own right, and those chops are on full display here. This paean to the American dream is sure to make you wonder where it all went so very wrong. <b>Orpheatic: <i>The Man Who Knew Too Much</i></b> Alfred Hitchcock, director of Britain's first talkie, delivers his first really good movie with <i>The Man Who Knew Too Much</i>. This parental horror film sees everyman Leslie Banks descending the London underworld to recover his kidnapped daughter from professional creep Peter Lorre. Rougher and more experimental than Hitch's own 1956 remake, the master of suspense here forgoes logic for a series of surreal vignettes set in a dentist's office, a blasphemous cult's chapel, a city block under siege, and the Royal Albert Hall. After seeing how neatly it all wraps up, you'll never again be able to watch the remake's conclusion - Doris Day saving the day with the power of song - without feeling insulted as both a feminist and a marksman. <b>For Adults Only: <i>The Scarlet Empress</i></b> Marlene Dietrich continues the rivalry with her answer to Greta Garbo's <i>Queen Christina</i>. That film is widely regarded as a bisexual classic and one of Garbo's two great pictures, meaning Dietrich and frequent collaborator Jo Sternberg would have their work cut out for them. Fortunately for us, they cleared that bar with room to spare, delivering arguably the best work of their respective careers. This insane biopic - which managed to slide in just before the new production code took effect - shows the erotic life of Catherine the Great reflected in a funhouse mirror. Far from fucking a horse, Dietrich rides roughshod over the men who try to tame her. It's baroque to the point of sensory overload, pitched somewhere between <i>Blue Velvet</i> and Hieronymus Bosch. Consider this a recommendation <i>and</i> a warning.[/quote]