Caltrops - Peter Molyneux's The Movies





	[quote name="Mischief Maker"]I don't mean to go all Zseni on everyone, but DAMN. This movie makes a lot more sense when you think of the spartan king as the world's biggest closet case. The inevitable tide of Emperor Carnivale Ru Paul and his pride parade of doom approaches, seeking only to make the spartan king kneel before him... and do what comes natural. And spartan law be damned, he will not give in to those urges! So he gathers together 300 "hand-picked" manly men who act all gruff and roar, "Hoo-ah!" to look all macho but who in between battle scenes, when their guard is down, are so giggly with one another you expect them to break into a tickle fight. Why does he use the <strike>unoiled</strike> untrained but buff arcadians as shock troops but turns down Sloth from the Goonies, even though Sloth demonstrates that he really knows how to "thrust a spear?" Simple, Sloth isn't pretty enough for him. Meanwhile back at home we have his long-suffering wife whose face is an emotionless blank slate after years of passionless marriage, even with her husband dutifully going through the motions once every full moon. When he decides to march to his certain doom she gives no resistance. And when he's gone she immediately begins shacking up with whoever she can including (it's implied) the skinny old dude with the abraham lincoln beard. All in the name of "saving her husband," of course. But the seductive powers of Ru Paul (literally standing atop a pyramid of men) cannot be resisted, even as his remaining forces lie huddled in a pile, their actions hidden by a protective layer of shields. What is the king's final desperate spear throw at the Emperor's mouth than him saying, "No! YOU suck it!" before his resistance breaks, he sends his wife's keepsake back to her, and the final image of him is one of him laying on the ground with eyeshadow on his face in the aftermath of having every orafice in his body penetrated.[/quote]