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| Re: Zseni, just stop by Casual observer 02/20/2005, 11:01am PST | ||||
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| Somewhat tired premise. This subject matter was explored and exhausted since Jules Verne decided to invent the Electric Rifle. Even (heh) Shirow has dealt with this over and over. As for the structure, you have the propensity to try to bring emphasis through two means - repetition and a single word floating unattached from sentences... That just... doesn't work.
Also, there's no possibility for empathy, as you don't stop to focus on a single character and instead try to envelope the entire fucking world in your narrative. That, also, doesn't work. Let me make an illustrative comparison. Ever seen The Scream? Of course you have, any pseudo-intellectual has. Now, imagine you holding a desktop globe and having every single person on earth painted as 'The Scream' on its surface. It just becomes a brown, drippy globe of shit. That, ultimately, is the effect you achieve with phrases like "Everyone was miserable!" In the end you're trying to be Ayn Rand in a few paragraphs. No. She sucked, you suck at being her in one 1/1000th of the space. Continue? Insert Coin! 10... |
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The Happiness Act. (comments/advice will be appreciated/handjobbed) by 02/20/2005, 2:02am PST  Zseni, just stop by 02/20/2005, 7:00am PST Re: Zseni, just stop by 02/20/2005, 11:01am PST Having seen "The Scream" makes someone a pseudo-intellectual? by 02/20/2005, 11:35am PST Not to mention that there is several of them. NT by 02/20/2005, 2:40pm PST Muntz's Scream you monkeys. NT by 02/20/2005, 4:05pm PST OH YEAH. by 02/20/2005, 4:34pm PST Goddamn, you're illiterate. NT by 02/20/2005, 5:04pm PST I liked it better when you didn't think you were a regular by 02/20/2005, 11:43am PST This computer doesn't take coins. by 02/24/2005, 7:04am PST Why would someone pretend to be me to reply with that? by 02/21/2005, 2:11pm PST |
