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by bink 03/03/2005, 5:07am PST |
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Examples of my terrible ideas in creative writing classes:
Some kind of dystopian future where everybody is hooked up to little pods that simulate virtual reality adventures that the government pays for. The guy wakes up in an empty city with no memory (OH NO) and wanders around wondering what happened to the world. The whole time he uses terrible invented language reminiscent of Neuromancer mixed with Clockwork Orange except without a spark of wit whatsoever. The horrible twist ending is that the government unleashes huge dogs on him to FORCE him back into his insulated pod of self-gratification, with an implication they're the devil? Maybe? Criticism written on the first page by the teacher: "Stories with more than one character and possibly some dialogue are good." Bonus point I guess: this was long before the Matrix.
Two guys stumble into a Chinese restaurant and say just the right keywords (by accident) to spark a drug deal in which instead of getting their chicken chow mein they get a huge pound of cocaine (ha ha!). Lots of dialogue in which the ching-chongs make fun of the crackers for being clueless and gay. The buddiez get home and SUDDENLY! their cop buddy knocks on the door. UH OH! HE LOVES CHINESE! WHAT DO WE DO? Two or three more pages of Elmore Leonard / Tarantino-esque "suspense" of the two palz preventing the cop from looking in the chinese food bag by various excuses and HI-larious interruptions. Ends with the door closing as the cop leaves and the two gaybos sigh a massive sigh of relief. Teacher's criticism: "Good suspense. Somewhat racist."
An absolutely disgusting story about a guy working in a Waffle House who is terribly rude and incompetent with his interpersonal relationships. He gets in a giant argument with some girl who works there because he secretly has a crush on her (AWW!) and ends up doing some kind of drastic, bipolar thing to get her attention or save her life or something that lands him in jail. And the woman doesn't fall desperately in love with him, but she gains a newfound respect for his NOBLE BUT ECCENTRIC WAYS. If you can figure out who this guy is supposed to be, congratulations! You have synapses. Teacher's criticism: "Nobody wants to read about unpleasant characters."
That's all for now. Creative writing courses were definitely an exercise in soul-draining banality which gave me LESS respect for creative endeavors and are largely the reason why I've never attempted to do any writing again. My teacher used to come in red-faced, slurring, and spent all period talking about the 60's: NOW I KNOW WHY.
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Question for the LADIES of caltrops by FABIO 03/01/2005, 11:13pm PST 
Your writing class was built on an INDIAN BURIAL GROUND! NT by conflictNo 03/01/2005, 11:34pm PST
I know the answer but I'm not telling by Ray of Light 03/02/2005, 1:34am PST
0 of 2 people found the following review helpful by Amazon 03/02/2005, 3:33pm PST
Re: 0 of 2 people found the following review helpful by Construction Worker 03/02/2005, 5:25pm PST
MEN are stupid; REAL MEN are not. NT by Dr. Phil 03/02/2005, 6:16am PST
Sampling Error by Bill Dungsroman 03/02/2005, 3:21pm PST
english and psychology are the top 2 female majors so I guess they're ALL fruity NT by FABIO 03/02/2005, 5:46pm PST
I think I might have just answered my own question there NT by FABIO 03/02/2005, 10:32pm PST
Mostly, but I'd have to say that about people in general. by Bill Dungsroman 03/02/2005, 10:32pm PST
the men by FABIO 03/02/2005, 11:16pm PST
the men: en espanol! by bombMexico 03/03/2005, 12:36am PST
my class was pretty much all white, yes by FABIO 03/03/2005, 12:47am PST
Re: my class was pretty much all white, yes by bombMexico 03/03/2005, 1:11am PST
My creative writing class made us write poetry. ABOUT SPORTS. by Fullofkittens 03/03/2005, 7:41am PST
Re: My creative writing class made us write poetry. ABOUT SPORTS. by Casual observer 03/03/2005, 1:34pm PST
Re: My creative writing class made us write poetry. ABOUT SPORTS. by Bill Dungsroman 03/04/2005, 4:21pm PST
I'VE GOT A STORY by Fussbett 03/05/2005, 9:51pm PST
Re: I'VE GOT A STORY by Entropy Stew 03/07/2005, 2:12pm PST
Re: Mostly, but I'd have to say that about people in general. by laudablepuss 03/03/2005, 12:50am PST
What about sociology? NT by Lizard_King 03/04/2005, 11:57am PST
We're dealing with majors that (non-athletic) people actually finish. NT by Bill Dungsroman 03/04/2005, 4:23pm PST
Here's the problem. by laudablepuss 03/02/2005, 6:17pm PST
Re: Here's the problem. by FABIO 03/02/2005, 10:31pm PST
Gayness posted one minute apart :( NT by Bill Dungsroman 03/02/2005, 10:33pm PST
Just to clarify by laudablepuss 03/03/2005, 12:38am PST
Re: Here's the problem. by E. L. Koba 03/03/2005, 3:04am PST
OH SNAP NT by OH SNAP Guy 03/03/2005, 5:35am PST
English classes and writing. by The Cheap Zseni Machine 03/03/2005, 11:18am PST
What does INC have that I don't have?! NT by mrs. johnson 03/03/2005, 12:03pm PST
A spine, hooked nose and circumsized penis. NT by Just a guy. 03/03/2005, 12:13pm PST
Talent, experience, effort and style, to name a few things. by Bill Dungsroman 03/04/2005, 4:31pm PST
Re: Talent, experience, effort and style, to name a few things. by Fussbett 03/05/2005, 10:01pm PST
Re: English classes and writing. by motherfuckerfoodeater 03/03/2005, 12:19pm PST
Re: English classes and writing. by The Cheap Zseni Machine 03/04/2005, 4:43pm PST
Re: Here's the problem. by Ice Cream Jonsey 03/03/2005, 11:12am PST
I'm taking a writing class as we speak. by William H. Hayt, Jr. 03/02/2005, 11:42pm PST
Fine, I'll chime in. by bink 03/03/2005, 5:07am PST
Your teacher, as if you didn't know, is a fuckhead. NT by Casual observer 03/03/2005, 1:55pm PST
Yeah fuck that guy! by laudablepuss 03/03/2005, 3:35pm PST
No, he was actually fairly cool. by bink 03/03/2005, 5:18pm PST
Re: Question for the LADIES of caltrops by The Cheap Zseni Machine 03/04/2005, 3:46am PST
Re: Question for the LADIES of caltrops by Horrible Gelatinous Blob 03/04/2005, 11:42am PST
Re: Question for the LADIES of caltrops by Ray of Light 03/04/2005, 12:16pm PST
Re: Question for the LADIES of caltrops by Creexul :( 03/04/2005, 1:48pm PST
Re: Question for the LADIES of caltrops by The Cheap Zseni Machine 03/04/2005, 4:31pm PST
Re: Question for the LADIES of caltrops by Bill Dungsroman 03/04/2005, 5:04pm PST
Re: Question for the LADIES of caltrops by Ray of Light 03/05/2005, 10:42pm PST
Re: Question for the LADIES of caltrops by Casual observer 03/06/2005, 2:03am PST
Arer we disagreeing? I can't see where. by Ray of Light 03/06/2005, 4:18am PST
Re: Arer we disagreeing? I can't see where. by Casual observer 03/06/2005, 2:20pm PST
Re: Question for the LADIES of caltrops by The Cheap Zseni Machine 03/06/2005, 12:38pm PST
This is a FAG forum, BITCH by friend of motheruckerfordoearter 03/06/2005, 6:18pm PST
Objection! Subject goes to heart of why we play. NT by SUSTAINED 03/06/2005, 7:45pm PST
Re: Question for the LADIES of caltrops by The Closing Credits of Your Life 03/06/2005, 6:43pm PST
Oh, yeah. My original Sampling Error post had a second point. by Bill Dungsroman 03/04/2005, 5:00pm PST
Re: Oh, yeah. My original Sampling Error post had a second point. by The Cheap Zseni Machine 03/04/2005, 6:10pm PST
More memories. by Fussbett 03/05/2005, 9:58pm PST
Re: More memories. by The Cheap Zseni Machine 03/06/2005, 12:42pm PST
y'all NT by :( 03/06/2005, 1:16pm PST
Re: More memories. by Casual observer 03/06/2005, 2:38pm PST
Loot = Lute. WoW much? Nah. NT by Casual observer 03/06/2005, 2:39pm PST
Re: More memories. by The Cheap Zseni Machine 03/06/2005, 10:24pm PST
Re: More memories. by Casual observer 03/06/2005, 10:36pm PST
Re: More memories. by The Cheap Zseni Machine 03/06/2005, 10:57pm PST
Disappointing. NT by Casual observer 03/06/2005, 11:31pm PST
You get what you give. NT by Helpful Mysterio Man 03/07/2005, 9:48am PST
Since when? NT by Bill Dungsroman 03/10/2005, 12:31pm PST
Re: More memories. by bink 03/07/2005, 3:14am PST
Re: More memories. by Quentin Beck 03/07/2005, 7:43am PST
I stand corrected. by bink 03/07/2005, 7:45am PST
What's this! by E. L. Koba 03/07/2005, 11:25am PST
I felt sorry for that dude. by bink 03/07/2005, 5:32pm PST
Re: What's this! by Ice Cream Jonsey 03/10/2005, 8:20pm PST
Math question for Zseni by Tony 03/08/2005, 12:40am PST
Statistics 95 makes you brain bleed. by Drummer from Whitesnake 03/14/2005, 2:45pm PST
Re: Oh, yeah. My original Sampling Error post had a second point. by Fullofkittens 03/06/2005, 2:52pm PST
Re: Oh, yeah. My original Sampling Error post had a second point. by Bill Dungsroman 03/10/2005, 12:30pm PST
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