Goon wrote:

Autographed hardcover copies of Flinx's Folly and Reunion, both by Alan Dean Foster. I have repeatedly expressed how little I like hardcovers and how little value I find in autographs I didn't get myself. And yet, here we are again...

Goon wrote:

it's a shame [Not receiving much cash for Christmas] had to happen in a year where I can barely afford to get other people anything, so i feel super terrible about it now since I can't even use some gift money to get them late christmas presents

Goon wrote:

$450 gift card to Outback Steakhouse

Goon wrote:

Oh, you didn't get me any money for Christmas? That's actually funny to me, because I was just going to spend the money to get you Christmas gifts anyway, and now it looks like I shan't be doing that. Congratulations on ruining your own Christmas, fucktard.

Goon wrote:

Unironic Family Guy pajamas (because apparently I love Family Guy!)
Oh hey, cheap cologne that broke in the packaging! Thanks Mom! Please enjoy the exact gift you wanted that I painstakingly searched the bowels of Manhattan for.

Goon wrote:

So I see all my cousins are here with their new wives/husbands. Pretty cool that on the jolliest day of the year I have to be reminded of how lonely I am. "How do you like still living at home? Can't blame you though, what with the economy." Hey Uncle Smalltalk: wherever I'm living is my home. Look it up in the motherfucking dictionary, you ignorant piece of shit. And, I could fill several dictionary-sized tomes with the shit you don't know about the fucking economy.

It's bad enough listening to my vapid cousin talk about how she's planning out her wedding. Why do they have to talk about children? "Hopefully next year we'll have a kid to bring." "Kira gave birth last night. Ha ha ha, I'm a grandfather now." And finally I have something concrete to add to the conversation. I point out that the world is filled with continuous indelible suffering and that no one asks to be born, and then I speculate that the best Christmas gift would be a gift to a child that could be born but isn't - the gift of celibacy and the pledge to never reproduce. Judging by the way they all stare at me, apparently I'm the only one in this family willing to explore ethics and examine the established beliefs. The resulting silence, while momentary, would have been a positive respite if it weren't for how much I hate being looked at. How hard is it to understand that I just want to be left alone? You're my family. You're supposed to "get" me. Fuck.

Goon wrote:

The entirety of my holiday gifts: (picture of 5 family size bags of chips)

Goon wrote:

When I went to unwrap the presents, they were empty boxes just wrapped up to look like presents. She couldn't understand why I was so upset - she said they were to brighten up my apartment! Why on earth did I think there were actual gifts?

Goon wrote:

(Asked for a huge 1080p TV) But then I noticed something: it was only a 720p display. I was furious, and when my parents woke up they asked me how much I liked it. "It's even bigger than the one you asked for!" Then I had to go on to eloquently explain that since it displayed at a lower resolution on a bigger size screen it would look shittier than 1080p on a smaller size set. How hard of a concept is that to grasp?

Goon wrote:

Four twelve-packs of Mountain Dew.

Goon wrote:

If you can't figure it out/can't find something dragon-related that I might like, go for the big-ass Megazords, whatever the current generation of Power Rangers is, I don't even fucking pay attention anymore.