|
by Jerry Whorebach 05/07/2013, 5:13pm PDT |
|
 |
|
 |
|
I was at that nationwide EB Games Spring Cleaning sale last month, the one where they were selling new-but-opened-and-stickered copies of shelfwarmers from the early part of this generation for a dollar each (they could have gotten LOADS for them on eBay if they'd just left them in the shrinkwrap, the dummies). I had a stack of Virtua Fighter 5, Prey, John Woo Presents Stranglehold Starring a Reasonable Likeness of Chow Yun Fat, something else with guns in it that I forgot the minute I picked it up (I think it had rewinding time as a gameplay element - TimeStorm maybe?), and I still wanted one more to make it an even five bucks. In the end, my decision came down to which box I thought would result in fewer disgusted looks from the pretty young cashiers: raggedy-ass cyborg murder simulator Quake Wars, or cheerful ladies volleyball vacationer Dead or Alive Xtreme 2.

[You can tell these are video games and not DVDs because of the terrible, nonsensical titles rendered in ridiculously ornate block lettering.]
I chose DOAX2. Not because I really believed that was the world we live in, but because it was the world I wanted us to live in. I must have heard the words "jiggle physics" about five times. Somehow I managed to find the one game in the entire store that uses advanced computer math to depict unrealistically bouncing breasts instead of realistically exploding human brains, and that makes me the pervert? Though looking more closely at the ratings now, I can see the ESRB and by extension society is against me on this one, so maybe the Shyamalanic twist ending to this post is that I really was a pervert the whole time and didn't EVEN realize it. That could possibly explain the fondness for shirtless fighters :( |
|
 |
|
 |
|
|
|