Caltrops - Peter Molyneux's The Movies - Oh man, this was boring.

Forum Overview :: Peter Molyneux's The Movies

by Jerry Whorebach 07/10/2014, 1:16am PDT

Why did we spend the entire movie following a secondary character? It's like the director thought no one would be able to tell he was just making The Phantom Menace again if the whole thing was shown from Anakin's perspective. We spend the first two acts watching Tom Cruise fix up droids and tool around in his pod racer on Tattooine, then FINALLY in the third act Qui Gon (Morgan Freeman), Obi Wan (young Dennis Leary), and Queen Amidala (Joseph Gordon Levitt in a wig) come get him so he can fly his starfighter into the droid control ship, blowing it up and causing all the droids to shut down just as they were about to finish off the gungans, hooray!

There's a scene in the middle there where Tom Cruise is standing in a room full of priceless cultural artifacts preserved by the Scavs, looking at that painting from 2001: A Space Odyssey, and you can clearly see on the bookshelf behind it next to all the leatherbound Shakespeare or whatever a whole row of Marvel Comics trade paperback spines. I would bet you anything that was supposed to be some kind of caustic metacommentary by SOMEONE on the big stack of index cards with famous bits of other sci-fi movies printed on them that passed for this movie's script. ("What are we shooting today, Jeff?" "It just says 'Doctor Zaius bids goodbye to Commander Taylor and the girl as they ride off into the Forbidden Zone'. I guess that means we're going to need Morgan?")