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Power Rangers by Nostalgic Canadian Pseudo-Review 11/09/2017, 11:27pm PST
I was nine in '93 when Mighty Morphin Power Rangers martial arts metaphored its way into my robot dinosaur metaphor. It was pretty much the raddest shit I'd ever seen, I watched it every day on YTV (they made like sixty episodes that first season, it was awesome). Then in the spring of '94 my family moved to the middle of nowhere, where there was no cable TV - you couldn't even get satellite TV! We just barely picked up CBC through an aerial on the roof. I went from taping Power Rangers while catching Addams Family Values at the cinema to choosing between Coronation Street and a fucking book.

My one saving grace that summer was the incessant commercial presence for Power Rangers season 2, coming fall of '94 to the CBC. Like the aftermath of a nuclear war, life was bleak and post-apocalyptic, but we would have continuity. I guess some moms must have seen the commercials, too, and they wrote enough concerned letters to the CBC Ombudsman to get it pulled for ethics violations (mischaracterization of Putty-Canadians) before an episode even aired. Leaving me sitting down to the premiere I'd been waiting all summer for and getting reruns of Degrassi High instead. So it's healthy for children to see a show about a gay teenager and a pregnant teenager and an HIV positive teenager who isn't even the gay teenager, but a show about a soft-spoken brother teenager who teaches kids to kick each other in the head with hip-hop dance moves is somehow dangerous? Ignorance like that is why we haven't been able to convince any black people to move here since they shut down the underground railroad.



I rented the '95 Power Rangers movie when it came out on VHS, but by that point it was too late. I was already eleven and clearly too old for it. I thought that would be the end of my Power Rangers story. But my Power Rangers story only went into hibernation, like Zordon, until one day it would be reawakened by five new teenagers with attitude.

The first 90 minutes of the 2017 Power Rangers movie perfectly recapture the experience of sitting down to Power Rangers and getting Degrassi High instead. The last 30 minutes of the 2017 Power Rangers movie perfectly recapture the experience of finally seeing a big expensive Power Rangers movie, only to instantly realize I'm too old for Power Rangers. In a bizarre twist of fate, the town where they filmed the Angel Grove scenes for this one is the same town where I'd go to buy comic books to fill the Megazord-shaped hole in my life back then.

RIP Bob Zimonick. You were always an enemy to Pogs, despite making a fortune on Pogs.
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Power Rangers by Nostalgic Canadian Pseudo-Review 11/09/2017, 11:27pm PST NEW
    HIS NAME WAS ROBERT ZIMONICK! NT by Thanks, jerry! 11/10/2017, 1:21am PST NEW
 
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