Forum Overview :: We Love Katamari
 
I'm disappointed no one wants to argue this. What kind of right-wing shithole by Jerry Whorebach 09/16/2019, 1:45am PDT
There are two kinds of people in this world: people who think beavers are cute, and people who've had dealings with beavers. You might be familiar with the beaver's smaller, less destructive cousin: the rat. Let a bunch of Peter Dinklage-sized rodents turn your basement into Dagobah, we'll see how long it is before you're hiring Mexicans to take care of it.

Like everything regarding wildlife, rules for killing beavers vary by location. In places without enough beavers, they might be protected; in places with way too many beavers, the government could be offering a bounty on penis bones. I've heard the "beaver baffler" pitched as a humane solution. A beaver baffler is a long pipe stuck through a dam, allowing water to pass. The beaver can't do shit about it because they don't understand how pipes work. That's probably a good solution if you've got one beaver in a city park or something.

Beavers in rural areas multiply like rabbits, and they have no respect for property lines. If you let them get a foothold on your land, next they're flooding your neighbour's land, then they're washing out roads and taking utility poles. By the time CWS gets involved, all they can do is set a lot of traps over a large area. So the beavers get to die drowning, or chewing through their own bodies.

Even if it were practical to catch them alive, you can't relocate beavers. Any place that can support a population already has a population, and they will kill to protect their territory. So even after spending a large amount of money earmarked for wildlife preservation, you'd still be stuck euthanizing them like dogs. If I were a beaver, I'd rather have the bullet. Actually that's not true: if I were a beaver, I'd rather die from blood loss after literally snapping my penis bone off in one of those hot supermodel beavers from the stamps. But we can't always get what we want.

The advantage of using a small-calibre, high-velocity round like the .223 on small animals is that it kills like a larger, slower round, but has a flatter trajectory, making it easier to hit a beaver in his vitals instead of accidentally blowing off his penis bone. When a beaver's injured he'll move like greased lightning for the water, and once he dives you can forget about it, you're never seeing him again. That's why beavers create artificial lakes in the first place, so they can forage more territory without straying too far from their escape hatch.

I don't know if you need rifles like those in States. Canada's kind of an exceptional situation; a couple hundred years ago, this country was choked with beavers. They were our cotton. While you were living the life of Scarlett O'Hara on lavish plantations, we were trading pelts for pemmican in a largely fur-based economy. At some point, we lost touch with our traditional ways. We got jobs saying "hi" to people in Walmart, or producing mid-budget superhero shows for the CW. Now the beavers are coming back with a vengeance.

Short of reintroducing their natural predators - which isn't going to happen, because they're OUR natural predators too - all we can do is start issuing .223s in the South like we already issue .308s in the North. Hey, I just found a use for the guns from your buyback program! We'd only need about 1% of them, you could still use the rest to foment civil war in Latin America.
PREVIOUS NEXT REPLY QUOTE
 
I just got my first ban from Resetera. They're running a tight ship! by Jerry Whorebach 01/20/2018, 5:25pm PST
    Are we at war with Resettia now? by Puddy the PS3 Poohbah 01/22/2018, 1:32pm PST
        Don't go to war on my account. by Jerry Whorebach 01/22/2018, 6:46pm PST
            Great avatar by laudablepuss 02/06/2018, 3:38pm PST
    My first post back gets a warning and "1 infraction points." by Jerry Whorebach 02/03/2018, 7:09pm PST
        They will ban you if you say anything good about the Kingdom Come guy by Oh 03/11/2018, 12:15pm PDT
            Vavra should tell his followers they can discuss him all they want on NeoGAF. by Jerry Whorebach 03/12/2018, 2:01am PDT
                Hey man. That hurts. by Kenji Carter 03/12/2018, 9:21pm PDT
                    I wish I could go back and rewrite that post :( by Jerry Whorebach 03/13/2018, 1:00am PDT
            I really hope patch progress doesn't scale inversely with him maga posting again NT by Worm 03/12/2018, 9:21pm PDT
    That place is an absolute fucking shithole. NT by John Gulp 02/06/2018, 11:10pm PST
    Bait thread attracts bans by It's pretty bad 06/24/2018, 7:57am PDT
        They have achieved perfection: by truly blind justice 06/24/2018, 3:54pm PDT
        This is not your thread for complaining about a forum you don't even post on. by Jerry Whorebach 12/04/2018, 2:02am PST
    Second ban, duration pending. Am I coming back from this one? by Jerry Whorebach 12/20/2018, 5:15pm PST
        Every single poster in that thread is a guy, right? NT by Mysterio Lollerson 12/20/2018, 6:12pm PST
            The term you're looking for is 'fluid' NT by Woke Mysterio 12/20/2018, 8:00pm PST
                Because, I mean, holy shit - by Mysterio Lollerson 12/21/2018, 2:36pm PST
        It was a permanent ban. :( NT by Ice Cream Jonsey 01/03/2019, 11:18am PST
            I have to appreciate the irony of banning a disabled man for ableism. by Jerry Whorebach 01/04/2019, 6:46am PST
    Look at these cunts. by Ulrachi 08/19/2019, 1:53pm PDT
        Whoops. I see now this is not the ResetEra sucks thread. Sorry Jerry. NT by Ulrachi 08/19/2019, 1:57pm PDT
            I guess it might as well be, I think its original purpose has run its course. by Jerry Whorebach 09/14/2019, 2:46pm PDT
                I could expand on that story. by Jerry Whorebach 09/14/2019, 3:56pm PDT
                    I'm disappointed no one wants to argue this. What kind of right-wing shithole by Jerry Whorebach 09/16/2019, 1:45am PDT
                        Not so fast pal by Angry Stewart Payne 09/16/2019, 6:54am PDT
                        This probably belongs in Knuckle Shuffle, Jerry. by (Hint: penis bones...) 09/16/2019, 8:19pm PDT NEW
        Too fucking good, look at this. by Oh 08/19/2019, 2:11pm PDT
 
powered by pointy