I always pictured losing my virginity to a more experienced woman.by Jerry Whorebach 11/08/2019, 2:47am PST
It would probably be a good idea if one of us knew what we were doing. Everyone says your first time is terrible, but I have high hopes. I think the mistake all those people made was not going into it with the emotional maturity of a middle-aged man and a sex worker who specializes in disabled guys. I saw this documentary about a Scandinavian country where social workers were basically pimps, helping girls on welfare get jobs servicing guys with Down syndrome. If I were the autistic kid from The Wizard, that would be my California.
You got me wondering if I have any other paraphernelias I haven't discovered yet. Lots, probably. Like if some statuesque shiksa wanted to play Ilsa, She-Wolf of the SS with me, I think we'd both enjoy that. It might get a little awkward, though, if after I finished she made me leave the room so she could hump a lampshade that kind of looked like me. I can just imagine my great-grandfather beaming down at us, proud that finally some good had come from the holocaust. Then putting on his hat and coat with wings on it, so he can fly down to the Talmudic law library on 42nd cloud and start looking for a loophole to get this wonderful woman into Jewish heaven. "MORTY WHERE ARE YOU GOING," says my great-grandmother, a floating lampshade with a nagging face on it.