Forum Overview :: Tansin A. Darcos's Alter Ego
 
EMERGENCY PROBLEM by Commander Tansin A. Darcos 12/13/2019, 3:10am PST
MY EYE HAS FLOATERS IN IT. ONE IS CAUSING A SERIOUS VISION PROBLEM MAKING ANYTHING NOT VERY CLOSE AND POSSIBLY VERY LARGE TO BE BLURRY AND IN SOME CASES UNREADABLE AND/OR EFFECTIVELY INVISIBLE. THIS PROBLEM HAS BEEN GOING ON FOR A COUPLE OF DAYS NOW AND WHILE I HOPE IT WILL GET BETTER AND CLEAR UP, I HAVE TO FACE THE POSSIBILITY IT MIGHT NOT.

SORRY FOR THE ALL-CAPS BUT I'M USING HIGH MAGNIFICATION AND HAVE TROUBLE SEEING. JUST TO SEND THIS MESSAGE REQUIRED STAFF HELP AND SERIOUS LOGISTICS: MOVE SERVICE TABLE AWAY, MOVE DRESSER HOLDING COMPUTER MUCH CLOSER TO BED, WORK TO LOCATE CURSOR ON-SCREEN, MOVE IT TO LOCATION OF MAGNIFIER AND THEN INCREASE MAGNIFICATION TO OBSCENE LEVELS.

IN FACT, PART WAY THROUGH WRITING THIS I THOUGHT IT DISAPPEARED. TURNS OUT IT WAS SOMETHING ELSE. BUT I TOOK IT AS A WARNING, AND TRIED SAVING ON MY COMPUTER. "TRIED" IS THE OPERATIVE WORD. TRIED LOADING ATOM; CRASHED ON STARTUP. STARTED UP WORD PERFECT, WHEN I TRIED TO PASTE IT HAS A MESSAGE BOX TELLING ME "UNKNOWN FORMAT." WHAT?! IT'S A GODDAM TEXT MESSAGE! (WHAT I ACTUALLY SAID WAS MUCH WORSE.) SO I'M GETTING AS PANICKED AS A JUNKIE LOOKING FOR A FIX, PLUS I EITHER CAN'T READ OR CAN JUST BARELY READ ANYTHING. I'LL SKIP THE REST OF THE TORTURE TO SAY I FINALLY SAVED IT WITH NOTEPAD. LATER I'M WORKING ON IT AND DID SOMETHING - I DON'T lNOW WHAT OR HOW - AND APPARENTLY CLOSED THE WINDOW. SO I WAS ABLE TO START A NEW WINDOW AND PASTE IT BACK IN, SAVING ABOUT 90% OF WHAT I WROTE, THEN ADDED THIS PARAGRAPH.

POSTING THIS MESSAGE WAS BOTH TIRING AND LITERALLY PAINFUL, MAKING SURE THERE WERE NO TYPOS TAKES A LOT OF WORK AND LOOKING AT THE SCREEN AT THIS ANGLE MAKES MY NECK HURT AND I'M NOT SURE I COULD STAND DOING IT FOR VERY LONG.

NOT SURE IF IT'S MY IMAGINATION BUT WHILE WRITING THIS I THINK THE BLUR HAS GOTTEN WORSE (BUT THE NECK PAIN IS LESS.)

I'VE LOST EVERYTHING ELSE: MY ABILITY TO WORK, TO BEND MY RIGHT WRIST, TO WALK, (AND WHILE i DISLIKE ADMiTTING IT PUBLICLY, TO MASTUBATE) TO MOVE, EVERYTHING I OWNED (EXCEPT MY COMPUTER), MY STRENGTH, USE OF MY LEFT HAND AND SOME FUNCTIONS IN MY RIGHT. ALL I HAVE LEFT IS MY ABILUTY TO READ AND TO SEE - AND BY IMPLICATION, ABILITY TO WRITE PROGRAMS = IF I LOSE THE ABILITY TO READ - AND ALL THAT GOES WITH IT - OR POSSIBLY TO SEE, I HATE TO SAY IT. BUT I WILL HAVE NOTHING LEFT AND NOTHING TO LIVE FOR.

PROBABLY THE WORST THING IS EVEN IF I WANTED TO I'D BE UNABLE TO COMMIT SUICIDE. I'VE ALWAYS FELT THAT I LOVE LIFE AND ALL IT HOLDS BUT NOW I''M BEGINNING TO UNDERSTAND WHAT A CANCER PATIENT SUFFERING INTOLERABLE LEVELS OF PAIN GOES THROUGH.

AW FUCK, ON TOP OF EVERYTHING ELSE I'M FEELING MAUDLIN AND CRYING, BLURRING MY VISION MORE, OR "THE STORM CLOUDS ARE APPROACHING" AND THE BLUR IS GETTING EVEN WORSE. I THINK i'LL JUST HAVE THIS ONE "PITY PARTY" THEN SOBER UP, STOP CRYING, AND GO ON LIVING, UNLESS WORSE COMES TO WORST, THEN i'LL GO ON SURVIVING, FOR WATEVER TIME I HAVE LEFT - PROBABLY YEARS = AS IT WILL JUST BE SURVIVING, WITHOUT THE ABILITY TO READ AND TO DO COMPUTER PROGRAMMING, IT WON'T BE A LIFE OR LIVING.

ALL THAT HAS HAPPENED IN MY LIFE HAS CONVINCED ME MY DECISION THAT I AM AN ATHEIST IS THE CORRECT ONE. iF THE HOLOCAUST ALONR WASN'T ENOUGH TO PROVE THERE IS NO GOD, ALL OF THE SHIT I HAVE HAD TO GO THROUGH HAS UTTERLY PROVEN IT TO ME "NOT JUST BEYOND A REASONABLE DOUBT, BUT BEYOND ANY SHADOW OF A DOUBT WHATSOEVER."

FACE IT, BOYS AND GIRLS, THERE AIN'T NOTHIN' OUT THERE BUT VACUUM, PLANETS, STARS AND DUST. LOTS AND LOTS OF DUST. AND A FEW BLACK HOLES. (BY "A FEW" I MEAN "MORE THAN APPLE, GOOGLE, MICROSOFT, wALMART, CARLOS SLIM, BILL GATES AND WARREN BUFFETT, COMBINED, HAVE IN DOLLARS - OR THE EQUIVALENT IN DOLLARS - IN THEIR BANK ACCOUNTS.) THERE ISN'T ANY GOD OR GODS NOR IS THERE ANY FORM OF HIGHER POWER IN THE UNIVERSE.

FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO READ MY ENTIRE MESSAGE (AS I FEAR IT MIGHT BE ONE OF THE LAST MESSAGES I'M ABLE TO WRITE), THANK YOU!

Paul "Commander Tansin Arogan Darcos" William Robinson
"A computer programmer and Notary Public in and for
the Commonwealth pf Virginia, at large, and
the State of Maryland in and for Prince George's County."

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EMERGENCY PROBLEM by Commander Tansin A. Darcos 12/13/2019, 3:10am PST
    If this is for real, you need to see an optometrist immediately =( by blackwater 12/13/2019, 11:55pm PST
        IF THIS IS FOR REAL, YOU NEED TO SEE AN OPTOMETRIST IMMEDIATELY =( by MYSTERIO MAGOO 12/14/2019, 4:53am PST
        Re: If this is for real, you need to see an optometrist immediately =( by Commander Tansin A. Darcos 12/24/2019, 1:50am PST
            TELL ME ABOUT THE EYEBALLS by dr. no 12/29/2019, 10:30pm PST
                Same. NT by Hannibal Chew 12/30/2019, 9:57am PST
            Re: If this is for real, you need to see an optometrist immediately =( by Daniel Berkhart 12/30/2019, 3:03am PST
    I WISH WE COULD BUY YOU A BIONIC EYE :( NT by Roop 12/15/2019, 12:05pm PST
 
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