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| Sorry ICJ, I guess we all must keep the wallets we find by kyrie derbingle 04/18/2021, 12:20pm PDT | ||||
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| I only have one story, but it's not a funny one, sorry. I'd ask the Commander for suggestions on where inserting a wicked pun or brain-tickling song reference might ignite the reader's interest without breaking the narrative, but I don't know if I've built up enough cred with him for an ask like that. I know he's big on cred.
Anyway, this is about me losing my wallet. It's pretty mundane overall, so feel free to skip to the last paragraph if you just want to know what happened without slogging through the setup. Back when I lived in SoCal, I commuted on a motorcycle because being able to split lanes knocked 45 minutes off my 15-mile drive to and from work. I'm an all-the-gear-all-the-time kinda guy, though, which means helmet, jacket, overpants, gloves, & boots. The Inland Empire has some rough areas, I rode through them daily, and there were often DUI/license check stops. Traffic lines up, everybody in cars (and the riders in t-shirts and flip flops) pulls out their license, speaks coherently enough to convince the cop that they're probably not impaired, and then drives away. Traffic moves at about the pace of a toll booth. Except for when it's my turn. I have to take off my gloves and helmet to see and unfasten the overpants buckles, get off the bike, pull open overpants, dig out wallet, etc. Then reverse that after the officer's 10-second glance at my license. In So-Cal traffic, remember. I see some kid in car seat racking the slide of his Fisher Price "My First Glock" while glaring at me through the windshield for adding even one second to his misery in this cattle run. On the other side of me, somebody's grammy is throwing up signs and finishes with a thumb-across-the-throat, maintaining eye contact throughout. The DUI checkpoints are very stressful for me, mostly because I know that if I get shot or run over it'll really fuck up traffic and then when the local news covers it they'll mention my name and how much time I added to everyone's commute Tuesday morning by dying. I'll have to die all over again from the magnitude of such dishonor. So, when I go out to the garage every morning to gear up/saddle up, I always take my phone and wallet out of my regular pants pocket and set it on the rear seat, gear up, then put wallet and phone in a jacket pocket for the ride, just in case they have a checkpoint set up that day. Except once while running late when I, amazingly, managed to leave it on the seat. I realized what I'd done as soon as I got to work that morning. Immediately set about cancelling credit cards, all the usual things. Figured both were gone for good--nothing survives unattended and unsecured in this area. I had some pretty weird things stolen over the years, not because they were valuable or even desirable, but simply because I'd left them where they were easy to walk away with. But, I got a call the next day from a middle school about a mile from my house. A young lady had found it on the street in front of her school the previous morning and motherfucking turned it in. She was so casual about turning in something that wasn't hers that she didn't even file a witness account or anything, and the office staff wasn't even certain who it had been. I told them I'd leave work a little early that day to pick it up and asked them if they could track down the young lady for me. I got to the school just after classes let out and the secretary pulled it out of a locked drawer--license, credit cards, it was all still in the wallet. Even to two 20s in cash. They'd identified the girl and she was there too. Have you ever publicly recognized and praised a pre-teen girl in front of her teachers and her 3 besties? They try to crawl inside their own skin from embarrassment, it's adorable. I gave her both of the 20s to take the sting out of it. |
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CALTROPS POLL - the finding of wallets by 04/16/2021, 11:35am PDT  Sorry ICJ, I guess we all must keep the wallets we find by 04/18/2021, 12:20pm PDT This is a good reply, thank you! I will check if I told by 04/21/2021, 9:40pm PDT |
