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| The Problem with Phantom Planet (mini-review) by A sadly unfunny Fullofkittens 05/28/2003, 1:01am PDT | ||||
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| They're too good. And I don't mean that in a good way.
I'm sitting here listening to Phantom Planet's latest, The Guest, and by every yardstick I can think of, I should love this record. I'm a complete pop-rock hook junkie, and there are so few bands making handclap-intensive rock in these '00s that when one comes along that doesn't completely suck, I should be grateful. When a band knows their theory, have their secondary dominants down, nice mode mixture and all that nice music major bullshit is in place, I should be ecstatic. When they have good songs on top of it all, I should get down on my knees and suck with my hands free to hand out some cash for their t-shirt. But I can't. This album just isn't any good. Maybe if it sucked a little more, it'd be better. See, there's this thing about rock. Bands have to sound like they're trying. Just as you don't want to hear Pavarotti singing the songs of the Beatles, you don't want to hear Radiohead sing the songs of Fountains of Wayne. It's gross - these guys weren't meant for this kind of thing, they sound like they're slumming. Good example: On the song "Nobody's Fault" (Objectively, the best tune on the record, by virtue of it being the fastest) we're in Elvis Costello territory - if I didn't know better, I'd say that it was a cover of a tune off of Get Happy - which is a good thing in my book. Anyway: here's our first couplet "Everything is ok everything is fine/I gave you everything you asked for, don't be so unkind" which is okay, if maybe a little uninspired, on its own, but Mr. Big Rock Vocalist can't leave it alone and drops a big fat melisma all over "unkind." Don't be so unnnKAH-uh-ha-ay-uh-hind! If you think terms like "melisma" are out of place in a review about a rock record, you're absofuckinglutely right. Much like Shiny Entertainment used to make games For Gamers, By Gamers, rock records are supposed to be made for the unwashed by the unskilled. Especially the geek rock. Geek rock is supposed to be empowering, fellas. Every note, every Maggie May-esque mandolin break, even the cover art (especially the cover art) is making me feel more like a 98-pound weakling. Phantom Planet - stop jizzing your talent all over my buddy holly glasses. Leave the Geek Rock to the geeks. 2.5/5 Fullofkittens |
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The Problem with Phantom Planet (mini-review) by 05/28/2003, 1:01am PDT  I don't like Trail of the Dead NT by 05/28/2003, 4:14am PDT Re: The Problem with Phantom Planet (mini-review) by 05/28/2003, 9:47am PDT |
