Caltrops - Article Submissions - Soldier of Fortune 2 REVIEW

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by Jhoh Creexul 06/11/2003, 12:05pm PDT

Randomly pasted. :( HAPHAZARDLY

- The overuse of fake scripted sequences are the worst ever seen in a game.

- If one hostage ever dies no matter what, you die instantly. Meanwhile, enemies are throwing grenades every which way but especially right at your feet while hostages try to run past you. Sometimes a grenade misses you completely but kills a random hostage anyway.

- Perhaps the worst thing of all is that aside from every detriment and flaw is a fairly entertaining basic fps game.

- the only way to avoid grenades is to run towards an enemy because the levels are designed to have nothing behind you but a wall

- Grenades are made out of super bouncy rubber that chases you or bounces back towards you no matter where you're standing

- Levels are designed by drawing a few zig zags in 3D and having a computer program turn it into a long protracted hallway and add random objects like computers or doors or windows around it (see also: every other Raven game ever made in the past few years)

- Most inspiration for game's areas = looking at a blank piece of paper, then drawing endless zig zagging hallways on them

- Enemies shoot you through fog or grass that you can't see through

- Revolutionary night vision and thermal vision that gives you visibility of up to 5 feet in front of you (turning them off lets you see even further)

- A complex stealth system that involves taking three hours to finish an area rather than just spending a half hour to complete it by just running around shooting everyone

- Stealth weapons include a single handgun with an optional silencer. And that's it.

- Stealth = hitting the "quick load" key 30 times from being caught constantly

- Bodies in this game weigh about 5 million pounds

- Ability to hold up to three different weapons that do the exact same thing, but some of them are just more worthless than the others

- Most clunky thing in a video game ever: the OICW's grenade launcher (the best time to use it is when you don't need it at all, such as breaking windows and blowing up trays that the game's map-creating program randomly adds)

- The only way to advance in most levels is the least obvious way possible (a big circular hallway that has a stack of desks somewhere in it leading to a broken ceiling with a vent in it that you have to crawl through in the prone position, which is like walking through a big open space, except with the use of the jump, duck, and crawl keys, and it's ten times slower)

- The purpose of fog is so that you can't see where the fuck you're supposed to go, who's shooting at you, or a very obviously gray ladder against a gray cement pillar through the gray fog

- Can't fire while prone, which defeats the purpose of any human going prone in the history of people laying on their stomachs

- This game is the exact reason why most human beings don't advance ideas, ever (only thing changed in this game is the graphics engine, and the amount of boredom generated by the automatically-generated level "design")