Caltrops - Cabaret Voltron

Forum Overview :: Cabaret Voltron

by Colonel K 07/22/2003, 7:37am PDT

mrs. johnson wrote:

I like it, but you have to be careful about your descriptions. For example, the bit about the sun shining is too tame, it's dull even. I sort of understand how you are structuring your sentences and the descriptions, but you need to give them more thought and possibly make them more abstract to attract more interest.

I was hesitant to make it more abstract, for a few reasons. The narrator knows only as much as the story's protagonist, so I didn't want it concentrating on something Gerald wasn't. But you're right on the sunlight part; it's about the only time I use adjectives, and it sounds pissweak. Were the other descriptions tame, or just not effective?

No title, but it's fairly brief. by Colonel K 07/22/2003, 3:23am PDT NEW

I love the uniform descriptions NT by Entropy Stew 07/22/2003, 4:28am PDT NEW

Re: No title, but it's fairly brief. by mrs. johnson 07/22/2003, 5:12am PDT NEW

Thanks. by Colonel K 07/22/2003, 7:37am PDT NEW