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| CRUSH! CRUSH! by Fullofkittens 07/23/2003, 8:53pm PDT | ||||
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| Now, that wasn't so hard, was it? Honestly, your dialogue reads fine to me. It's not Nobel Prize-winning, but it's a lot better than anything I wrote in that Creative Writing class.
So, something to think about for the future is, how can you reconcile this kind of thing with your Myst-esque lonesome fantasies. Right now we have a "story" with two guys whom we can feel we know because they've been characterized through their speech, but no reason to be interested in them. (If we wanted to talk to college dropouts we'd just talk to ourselves.) Then on the flipside, we have people doing strange and interesting things (in your other vignettes), but no point of entry (no characters whose nature we feel we can get to know). For instance: Sly Test. You got this guy Bennie, doing this stuff that's kind of out of an 80's rock video. Who is this guy? Does he climb trees like this often? People are asking him questions, but he doesn't understand them. Are the questions in another language? Is he a retard or something? ( I know that's not the point - he's in some atmospherically-induced tree ecstasy, which is fine, but I still don't feel like I know enough about Benny to understand why he's doing what he's doing.) Just stuff for you to gnaw on. |
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Obligatory Dialogue Extension by 07/23/2003, 5:26pm PDT  Fictional AIM logs!!! by 07/23/2003, 6:08pm PDT Re: Fictional AIM logs!!! by 07/23/2003, 6:11pm PDT You people will crush my spirit. NT by 07/23/2003, 8:13pm PDT CRUSH! CRUSH! by 07/23/2003, 8:53pm PDT Re: CRUSH! CRUSH! by 07/23/2003, 9:05pm PDT |
