Caltrops - Peter Molyneux's The Movies - This movie is utter fucking shit. (no spoilers)

Forum Overview :: Peter Molyneux's The Movies

by Fussbett 08/20/2003, 3:10am PDT

Mischief Maker wrote:

This movie makes the same mistake Godzilla 2000 made by focusing way too much time on the puny victims freaking out over the destruction being caused and not enough time on the battling monsters.

A valid argument about Freddy versus Jason and Godzilla 2000, but I don't think it requires a hard rule of "less about the victims" as you suggest. In theory, spending lots of time with interesting characters and then watching them react in a crisis of Freddy and Jason proportions SHOULD be great. Like if Quentin Tarantino (or I) got to write the script, the movie would instantly be better, for example. But the script was instead written by Martians who have never met a real life teenagers and used 80's movies as reference material. It didn't help when the casting agents hired horrible acting 25 year olds to play the teens.

Make no mistake, every second that Freddy, Jason or tits are not on the screen is perhaps the worst second in movie history.

Rest assured one of the screenwriters has a briefcase of magic cards back home because the film has the stupid idea that "fire" is Freddy's weakness while "water" is Jason's.

Despite hating the movie more than you, I was OK with this, and disagree. Freddy did not have a fire weakness. Secondly, the fact that Jason was scared of the water isn't the craziest thing in a movie full of crazy fucking things. I mean, he's a retard, and he drowned. This fact is the least of our problems.

Unkillable retard Jason comes across as the more likable of the pair while wacky Freddy makes audience members cringe at the memory of once finding this wisecracking schmuck scary.

When in doubt, have Freddy say "...blah blah blah, BITCH!" Hilarious. Everytime!

balloon-titted virgin

I've gotta commend ths movie for this. Every actress was hot, and had giant tits. Most got naked, and the star of the movie was truly the lead actress' blouse buttons. Strained to the limit, they must've been made from some space aged materials. The cinematographer was no slouch either, framing the breasts perfectly at all times, if not giving us the outright down-the-top cleavage shot. Kudos all around in that respect.

Horror movies. Action movies. Do you know the difference? Director Ronnie Yu does not. He's Chinese, so perhaps this is the problem. Ronnie Yu wanted to make an action movie that was sometimes gorey. And I guess he succeeded, but even the action was pretty lame. If I told you that there is a scene where Jason is on fire, walking through a cornfield, leaving a burning trail in his wake, you'd think that was pretty cool, right? And then to top it off, firey Jason hacks many teens to death in that cornfield. Awesome, right? No, it was somehow boring. All Freddy Versus Jason fight scenes were better done by actual superhero movies such as X2 and Matrix Reloaded. The best part was the very end (SPOILERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR) where Jason and Freddy stopped being boring superheros and began hacking each other appart in the most over the top Sam Raimi fashion, as you'd expect of immortal horror icons. That should've been the whole movie.

Also: the stoner dude. The stoner dude is the start-to-crate of movies targetted at young people. Freddy Versus Jason has to be the worst offender yet, making their stoner dude appear halfway through the movie -- almost out of thin air -- and worse, making him look nearly identical to Jay of Jay and Silent Bob fame. It's just ridiculous how this movie refuses to even have a single new idea beyond the premise.

The plot is one stupid even after another. I can't remember them all now, but the one that sticks out in my mind was after the cornfield massacre, where Jason kills like 20 fellow students, the starring gang of teens escape and drive home, dropping characters off at their houses. "Ok, call me later".

One million thumbs down.