Caltrops - =( - Spiritual Masturbation

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by mrs. johnson 09/11/2003, 1:08am PDT

So there I was, sitting there (which is here, actually), with an erection. I think to myself, â€œListen pal, you and I both know what youâ€™re going to do, so stop jerking around (HoHo) and reach your hands into your pants, pull out the dickdom that you inherited, and get to it.â€ Wait a minute, I replied in thought, who are you and how did you get into my head? Silence reigned. Not being one to let erect opportunities get away, I whip out my inheritance and look at it carefully. Everything seems in order. So I begin the proper ritual, but there is immediately a problem. No exciting and attractive females pop into my head. I attempt pornography; it only makes me feel slightly anxious for some reason. I know, I think, Iâ€™ll masturbate with Zen mind. As calm as a still lake, with a clear reflection. Begin! I clean out my mind of all thoughts regarding misc. garbage and proceed. I remember someone telling me once that relaxing your asshole will render you unable to ejaculate. So, after getting to the point of explosion, I violently relax my prostate. This is followed by an insane itch in the stomach that lies below the belt, but above the cock. Too involved in the current scenario, I canâ€™t focus enough to satisfy the itch, and continue to furiously abate my pre-menstrual fears. The orgasm seems to be coming on, but from the side, and without any emotion. The relaxed prostate is getting more and more difficult to hold, strangely enough, and the itch is really getting worse. After another ten seconds of this, I vomit from my penis quite a bit of gloopy protein and feel vaguely unsatisfied. Nuts to that idea. =(

the mrs.