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| Picture threads by Quentin Beck 07/05/2006, 9:02am PDT | ||||
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| At what level of ugliness does a semi-ugly person drop the whole 'face at an angle' strategy in favour of the 'zany face'?
Boringly, it seems mostly to do with nose size. Orientals, especially the Chinese, who have round faces and small noses, always pic at angles. Westerners, increasingly, too, because even those with big noses will take that hit if it'll fool you into thinking they have a jaw. The only ugly people who stare straight-faced and level at the camera are teenagers, people who think they look like Michael Douglas, and those with big pores or acne who photo under incandescents or through grainy low res webcams and, blown away by how well it turns out, forget about their goldfish eyes and horse mouth. Even funnier, though, are the ugly people who unknowingly write themselves off completely by posting a picture of themselves side-by-side with their gorgeous 'close' friend. In real life, people realize that the uglier their mate, the better they look in contrast, but on the internet, this strategy gets turned on its head because some ugly people give up on the looks front in an effort to prove that they get about with a handsome and fashionable crowd. This is stupid because it goes without saying that attractive people lead interesting lives, and cool people probably don't take pictures of it, so with this in mind all your effort should go into finding your angle. In my opinion, under present internet conditions and for almost any face, nothing beats a head inperceptibly swiveled to the left and tilted back until you're almost looking down your nose at the camera. This decreases the sleepy white space under the iris, cuts cm's of a long nose, sharpens the jaw without getting pinged for it, and more often than not, turns a 6 into an 8. We don't have an ozone layer in NZ; consequently, we have the world's highest skin cancer rate and age quicker than any nation on earth. A 25 year old New Zealander will be mistaken for 30 in any western country impolite enough to point it out. It makes us very aware of these things. We're dealing with lost ground and every inch counts. We may have lost the swivel, but the masses haven't yet picked up on the tilt. Exploit it. |
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