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Caltrops High Score Forum
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by Quentin Beck 09/11/2007, 8:53pm PDT |
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1. I must have been about 14. I am the oldest in my family and ashamed of my development. For instance, when my Mum first saw wisps of a mostache, she said, "Oh, what a shame...". [*Damaging!*] Anyway, I was watching Braveheart with my brothers and sister in a hotel. I was lying under the covers of a fold out bed, picking out pubes and putting them in a glass. Not compulsively or anything, just one of those casual fiddley things you do while your mind is on other things. At some point I must have stopped and forgotten about it. Then later, OF COURSE I drank from the glass! I made a crazy noise and spat back into the glass which made my sister ask me what my problem was, and I could not tell them, so that made them more curious and they stood outside the toilet while I washed out the glass and my mouth. I told them there was some kind of shit in my glass and they were satisfied. I remember worrying later that bacteria massing around the swollowed hair in my stomach would somehow form a single worm type organism and I would have to go to teh doctor to be cured and he would make me explain how I wound up swollowing pubes in front of my parents. I would go to great lengths to worry.
2. I am absent minded but it doesn't bother me much because I'm forced to meet interesting people when I leave my headlights on etc (life lesson)... But here is a case where absent-mindedness almost hurt me. I was masturbating in a posh single stall library bathroom with a sink, mirror, purple walls, and all that fancy shit! Unlike most bathroom stalls that you have to lock in order for the door to remain shut, this toilet had a handle seperate from its lock, and in my masturbational frenzy I just shut the door and thought everything was cool. I was standing over the sink at the time the door was opened, so I must have been close to cumming. The door opened onto the sink so it is probable the man opening it saw my dick, and thinking about it now, the mirror was in front of the sink, so he would have also caught the reflection too!
I've only been caught masturbating three times, and this was the only time the catcher has seen my dick. Luckily, I couldn't have picked a better guy to catch me. He was middle aged, bearded, tartan flannel shirted, etc... I saw him again browsing books as I exited the libarary and he was luckily a total freak.
I use to be very concerned about getting caught masturbating in public to the point where if you had footage of me wanking, you could have successfully blackmailed me for everything, so before wanking in public restrooms, I use to carefully inspect suspicious smoke detectors for cameras (not that I knew what the fuck I was looking for, but GODDAMMIT WHY THE FUCK IS THAT RED LIGHT STILL FLASHING!?!?), but, interestingly, I don't remember being very disturbed by this incident.
3. I was aged somewhere between 6-8 and bathing with my younger brothers and sister. I think our mother would usually put us in the bath and leave us, but sometimes she stayed with us. My dad would sometimes also bath with us. I can't remember exactly. Anyway, I eventually reached an age where I would always request that the jets be on so the bubbles would conceal... the shameful veins on my dick. When do the veins on a boy's dick become apparent I wonder? Anyway, my sister had seen the veins during one bath but thought I had drawn on my penis with a pen. PHEW! I let her maintain this illusion. But, one bath day, she told my Mum I was drawing on my penis and I would have strangled her if I wasn't frozen with shame. Mum explained my shameful secret to her. Shortly after that, we stopped having group baths.
4. A more recent one! I was having sex with a chubby prostitute in Hong Kong. I was very drunk. I couldn't cum and the pimp banged for a second time on the wall. We had given up having sex. We were both frantically trying to get me to cum with our hands. What the fuck happens if you go to a whore and can't cum? I didn't want to find out. This fuck cost $100. For about 5 minutes, we had both been trying to beat me off with a condom on! She was a fancy HK prostitute and for some reason I thought she didn't want me to cum on her. Maybe she told me that. I can't remember. The pimp banged again and I thought FUCK THIS and took the condom off and was thrashing it out of fear I'd go home wihtout cumming and feel like a complete retard. The room we were in was the only one I could see coming up aside from the room the pimp was in, and there were four whores outside when I selected mine, so what if some guy was waiting outside with his whore who wanted to come in and fuck! What if he was the one banging on the door? This concern didn't help things, and I was beating the shit out of it. I eventually came on her stomach I think and she had a quick shower. She was really nice! Perhaps she blamed herself for my troubles. I hope so.
Anyway, it didn't seem like any big thing at the time, but the next day, I had a flight and my dick was so fucking swollen! Perhaps it was more to do with me sitting on a plane for 11 hours with nothing else much to think about that made it seem so bad, but fuck. I believe I've jerked off more than anyone on this board and I jerk without lube so I'm use to a bit of dickburn, but when you've got nothing else to think about for 11 hours, it's a million times worse.
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Penis - 6.5 inches NT by Quentin Beck 09/04/2007, 6:29pm PDT 
Pssh, my penis is 8 feet long. NT by Bubba the Blue Whale 09/04/2007, 9:34pm PDT
No takers? I was sure worm was packing a lean 7+ inches. NT by Quentin Beck 09/05/2007, 6:37pm PDT
Penis - 6.78 inches NT by Zseni 09/05/2007, 8:42pm PDT
You can't measure envy in inches NT by OHHHHHHHHHHHH 09/05/2007, 8:45pm PDT
If anyone is packing more (dick or envy) let him step forward. NT by Zseni 09/05/2007, 9:48pm PDT
I am, but it doesn't count because I'm really a girl. NT by Mischief Maker 09/05/2007, 10:18pm PDT
Ours don't count, but we're bigger than everyone else. by Zseni 09/05/2007, 11:08pm PDT
No fat chix plx NT by Grumah, the helpful link-bot 09/06/2007, 2:59am PDT
You can have an orgasm anywhere with a fat chick OH FOLD YOUR EAR NT by ADC 09/06/2007, 5:06am PDT
Go out hoggin, fuck a big fat pig. NT by Da Diceman ohhhhhh 09/11/2007, 1:57am PDT
I'm not touching this one with a ten-foot pole. by Jerry Whorebach 09/05/2007, 10:40pm PDT
If I know what you are saying: by Grumah, the helpful link-bot 09/06/2007, 12:49am PDT
My "hard disk" has Carmen San Diego on it, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYIN'. NT by Jerry Whorebach 09/06/2007, 1:18pm PDT
Fine. 8" Sometimes I hurt women without meaning to. NT by CattleHumper 09/06/2007, 12:21pm PDT
You said my scrambled eggs sucked - I hardly think that's "without meaning to" NT by Zseni 09/06/2007, 4:29pm PDT
Sometimes I hurt women, with clear intent. O___________________________________O NT by Jhoh Clbbl O_____O 09/06/2007, 4:31pm PDT
I wouldn't laugh at a man with a 5.5 inch cock. by Quentin Beck 09/06/2007, 9:51pm PDT
If you didn't mean to hurt her you're not doing it right. NT by The Happiness Engine 09/06/2007, 10:21pm PDT
To put things in perspective, I'm 6'8" tall, so it's not that excessive by CattleHumper 09/07/2007, 8:58am PDT
It's not on the top of your head is it? NT by Worm 09/07/2007, 9:26am PDT
Hahaha by laudablepuss 09/07/2007, 4:03pm PDT
That's because you're a Worm kind of guy! by Worm 09/07/2007, 4:12pm PDT
AAAAAAAH AIDS! GET IT OFF GET IT OFF! NT by laudablepuss 09/07/2007, 4:28pm PDT
Being 6'8" is kind of excessive itself. NT by Jhoh Clbbl O_____O 09/07/2007, 11:46am PDT
I'm glad SOMEONE took this challenge seriously. NT by Jerry Whorebach 09/07/2007, 1:20pm PDT
If you are above this challenge, you are below 6.5 inches. by Quentin Beck 09/10/2007, 3:16am PDT
I have the smallest penis that anyone, man or woman, has ever admitted to having by Jerry Whorebach 09/10/2007, 3:46am PDT
Six Inches! by Worm 09/10/2007, 2:27pm PDT
Hey, we can be cock twins. NT by Jerry Whorebach 09/10/2007, 3:11pm PDT
Is this a good time to mention that the little man defies measurement? by laudablepuss 09/10/2007, 3:24pm PDT
I had to use a YARDSTICK. Because I don't own any other measuring devices :( NT by Jerry Whorebach 09/10/2007, 3:53pm PDT
That's not what I meant by laudablepuss 09/10/2007, 4:09pm PDT
Graduated Cylinders? NT by Worm 09/10/2007, 6:20pm PDT
You're not supposed to be so matter of fact about this shit. by Quentin Beck 09/11/2007, 12:19am PDT
So QB is a sex exhibitionist... it's always the last guy you would ever expect. NT by Will I ever see him the same way ag 09/11/2007, 1:09am PDT
To the windows to the wall. NT by Jhoh Clbbl O_____O 09/11/2007, 1:32am PDT
AWESOME! If you get to clear the balls out of the way, I'm about 9" NT by From tip to asshole 09/11/2007, 2:40am PDT
This man has the biggest taint I've ever seen. NT by Bob Odenkirk 09/11/2007, 2:48am PDT
7", thin as a rail, I'd like to install "bumpers" along the sides NT by Gleen 09/10/2007, 4:15pm PDT
Oh what a big man you are, hey let me buy you a pack of gum I'll show you how to NT by Richard Roma 09/11/2007, 2:20am PDT
I think from my musical taste we can infer that mine is tiny. by Fullofkittens 09/10/2007, 4:54pm PDT
You like men NT by Psycho Mantis 09/11/2007, 2:18am PDT
Four touching penis adventures for kids - part 1 by Quentin Beck 09/11/2007, 8:53pm PDT
Part 2? NT by Pi Is A Rational 09/12/2007, 8:57am PDT
Caught ONLY 3 times?! NT by You're practically a jerk ninja! 09/12/2007, 10:50am PDT
Being Caught By Your Own Mother Tops The Number of Times NT by Pi Is A Rational 09/12/2007, 11:04am PDT
Touching penis adventures for kids - part 2 by Quentin Beck 11/05/2007, 3:34pm PST
people with foreskins have a much greater chance of contracting STD's by you should watch out, whoremonger 11/05/2007, 4:03pm PST
That's a myth. by Jerry Whorebach 11/05/2007, 5:00pm PST
STDs are better than permanently numbed dicks. Such terrible, terrible dicks! NT by Quentin Beck 11/07/2007, 7:41pm PST
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH THE INTERNET. SO COMFORTABLE AND WORTHWHILE NT by pube-obsessed syphilitic 11/06/2007, 8:26am PST
What do you tell your girlfriend when you go prancing off to hookerland? NT by motherfuckerfoodeater 11/06/2007, 1:06pm PST
with tophat, coattails and a cane. NT by Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis 11/06/2007, 8:27pm PST
I say I don't intend to fuck whores, but I'd be kinda disappointed if I didn't. by Quentin Beck 11/07/2007, 7:40pm PST
Somehow, your plan to get me laid sounds even less appealing than Zseni's by Jerry Whorebach 11/07/2007, 10:26pm PST
I think QB's plan might also involve riding him. I read between the lines. NT by Fussbett 11/07/2007, 11:13pm PST
Are you suggesting he's Willem Dafoe in Auto Focus? by Jerry Whorebach 11/08/2007, 1:27am PST
Disappointing, Jerry. How often will dirty internet strangers invite you for se by Quentin Beck 11/08/2007, 10:09pm PST
Disappointing, Jerry. How often will dirty internet strangers invite you for se by Ice Cream Jonsey 11/09/2007, 12:10am PST
I'm in for $2 (CDN!) towards the Jerry Whorebackpack Fund. by Fussbett 11/09/2007, 12:24am PST
Re: I'm in for $2 (CDN!) towards the Jerry Whorebackpack Fund. by Quentin Beck 11/13/2007, 6:12pm PST
Oh, well as long as it's for an awful reason... NT by Fussbett 11/14/2007, 12:54pm PST
Re: Disappointing, Jerry. How often will dirty internet strangers invite you for by Quentin Beck 11/13/2007, 6:10pm PST
ICJ already made "Beyond Good and Evil" for you. NT by Fussbett 11/14/2007, 12:57pm PST
oh, do they let sex trade felons NT by still work in banks? 11/14/2007, 2:06pm PST
Whoring is a crime in boring countries like America? Too bad for your bankers. NT by Quentin Beck 11/15/2007, 4:50pm PST
Don't forget to scarf down tons of Mongolian cheese. I hear it's awesome. NT by motherfuckerfoodeater 11/09/2007, 12:39am PST
Is that a really really gross metaphor? NT by Mischief Maker 11/09/2007, 4:39am PST
Re: Disappointing, Jerry. How often will dirty internet strangers invite you for by Mischief Maker 11/09/2007, 4:38am PST
Thank you for clearing that up by Vested Id 11/08/2007, 11:48pm PST
Actually, it sounds more like Willem Dafoe in Off Limits by I need clarification 11/14/2007, 3:58pm PST
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