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| I want to tell you a STORY (he always wants to tell you stories). by Creexuls, a monster >:3 07/14/2008, 12:39am PDT | ||||
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| NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I HAVE FIVE CHILDREN ONE TWO THREE FOUR FIVE FIVE FIIIIIIIIIVE CHILDREN (NO) [/Neil MacDonald sarcasm ending tags] No but anyway. I had been registered to darknest, which is a site with a ton of WOW porn. There's a board for stories (FANFICS) on there and out of total boredom (and sadness?) I actually went around looking for some tauren stories. Naturally, pretty much none of them fit my PARTICULAR TASTES. I think you know what I'm talking about. Sick fuckin freak shit motherFUCK. Actually, I mean something more along these lines: 
This pretty much exactly sums up what every one of my tauren porn stories were about. I don't want to call them fanfics because that is very sad and I despise fanfics, but I am a total hypocrite and I have to live with that now, so yeah they're fanfics. :( So I thought, like Bobby Brown said in that song he made for the Ghostbusters 2 soundtrack, "if you want something done right, you gotta do it yourself, AOW." So I wrote up some stories about a tauren named Moog (I couldn't come up with any better names), who gets stunlocked and "raped" (psh?) by a bunch of night elf slut bitch skank whores. One of them even sticks her tongue up his ass, it's pretty hot. Instead of giving the night elves names, I just referred to them by character level. Then I wrapped up this short porn story with them all being fired through the air by a firehose blast of cum and knocked out, and then the tauren snaps out of the stun and plants a fire nova totem that blows everything up and vaporizes all the night elf bitches (FLAGRANT DISREGARD FOR THE LOOOOOOOORE). I actually got a bunch of positive replies, although a few people said that that even though it was a "funny" story they would prefer if I came up with actual names for the night elves. I hated this because I hate the names, not only in WOW but in pretty much all fantasy shit. Since I was doing this anonymously with the intent to never tell anyone, I compromised and just came up with some bunch of night elfy sounding names. I still hate them but I found it pretty easy to ignore that. Of course, when people were like OH YEAH I DON'T LIKE COMING UP WITH CHARACTER NAMES EITHER, I figured it wouldn't really be safe for me, a total newb and nobody on these boards, to start going on about how I think fantasy shit is retarded etc etc, and I didn't want to start fights already, I just wanted to write up some stupid degrading tauren porn. So I ended up writing big fat bunches of stories where our hero Moog gets raped by lots of different women. The second story I wrote was a draenei paladin who kidnaps him, takes him off to a cave that I know no one goes to anymore, and binds him down with some fuckin non-existent paladin binding magic shit (looore) and then raeps him and finishes before he cums, then just knocks him out and ditches him, so he has to jerk off alone at the end of the story. The third story was like a continuation of both previous stories where he gets revenge on the night elf AND draenei sluts by fucking them all into submission and huge giant sprays of cum firing them into the air and big soggy ponds of tauren cum and fuckin it's just horrible. When that was done, I ended up just writing more about this Moog tauren character and his continuing adventures in lvl grinding etc, although really it was all just porn. The longer I wrote a story the more I loathed myself, so I would always try to keep them short and just get to the damn fuckin part already. However, sure enough a bunch of my stories would have a bunch of STORY in them and plot this and talking that. My earlier works were a little too new wave for my tastes, I mean they were pretty rough and a little bare bones. *puffs hand carved oak pipe whilst sipping some fresh vichyssoises* Later stories had dialog scenes, ooooooo. Anyway my point was that the next series had Moog end up hospitalized in Orgrimmar (that is the main horde capital newbs) after a particularly humiliating stomping in the shitty boring gray country of Desolace. This is where my personal prejudices bleed through and POISON the narrative hrrrrrn because I portray Desolace unfavorably (and actually I tried to make fun of the game as much as I could, although knowing the audience I wasn't going to be really overt). Anyway he's in a bunch of casts and an orc chick blows him and then they pork and he fuckin destroys a building with his giant blasts of cum and they get kicked out of Org but go have adventures together and at this point it becomes a big fat mary sue napoleon complex xkcd wish fulfillment fic where my imaginary girlfriend is helping me with imaginary problems and we get through many dangers because of our love and hugging my pillow at night imagining it is a sweet and understanding but very sex charged and ferocious orc woman PERHAPS I CAN MEET SOMEONE LIKE THAT IN REAL LIFE oh wait I'm uh IMPOTENT oops I screamed that really loud. Actually that's not what the stories are like I don't think, and in fact I didn't get much satisfaction from my own stories as far as porn goes. I did like writing the stories, but I didn't want this Moog character to be some implanted version of me that is holy and perfect. The Napoleon complex thing yeah maybe, and the whole firehose of cum thing sure seems pretty suspicious doesn't it? But aside from that I just liked writing up adventures and the gratification of people actually liking them. As long as I tried not to have any personality there anyway, so I mostly kept quiet, and I didn't read or reply to any other threads there. I don't know if this makes me a gay retarded hypocrite furry, but if the story on those darknest story boards doesn't have a tauren in it then I'm not reading it. Wait a second, I'm reading and posting to fuckin wow porn story boards? WHAT HAVE I DONE WITH MY FUCKIN LIFE BLAM Well anyway I dunno why I decided to come out with this here. I don't really have any project meganish stories of crazy people that I can blab. Worse than posting to a wow porn stories board, I actually started hanging out on their IRC channel(!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!), which is exactly what I imagined it would be, a bunch of moderators all complaining about how the government is trampling our civil liberties, in between yukking it up about banning people and tying people down with their ridiculous rules. Aside from that though, most of them are okay, and I know one or two people from there (both mods surprisingly) who I think are sort of cool. One of them found out about my secret clapstro life and they were sort of understanding. I'm not sure if I'm going to be staying on that channel forever but I might try to keep in contact with one or two people there. I'm still in the process of writing stories. I have one half done now but I've barely been working on it recently, and I hope when I do finish it the admins or mods don't throw a fuckin shit fit because I bumped a thread that hasn't had replies for a month thread necromancy blah blah. The stories I have written, which add up to about 15 so far, I try to justify with ridiculous plot twists. The draenei paladin chick who rapes Moog ends up kidnapping him again and raping him so hard that she has incredible mindblowing orgasms billions of times greater than any mortal whatever could have etc and she is immediately depaladined and becomes evil and takes Moog off to Molten Core and uses her new evil magic to replace all of the lava in Molten Core with tauren cum which she uses to birth a demon army that is harder than Naxxramus and only the most catassy of alliance fag raids can hope to defeat. It ends with the evil bad guys defeated, the draenei chick is arrested and forced to have mandatory therapy sessions, and Moog returns to his soon to be wife, they eventually get married in another story after that and blah blah. I'm planning to have more ridiculous shit happen in the series I'm currently working on, if I actually finish it. |
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