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| True Tales of Astonishing Failure by Jerry Whorebach 09/01/2008, 6:05pm PDT | ||||
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| I like to think I'm a pretty smart guy. I mean, I'm not a genius or anything, but I can play Lumines till my hand falls asleep, and one time I actually won a game of Tetris. It wasn't real Tetris, it was a Radio Shack knockoff, but I kept a game going for so long that it ran out of speeds and looped back around to the first one. I don't know if real Tetris does that, but if anyone could find out, it's me. So my point is: I should be able to fit things in places, even under pressure. But I can't fit couches through doorways.
I was helping some old people move this afternoon, I guess because I'm a pidgeon and they saw me coming a mile away. And for a while there, I was doing okay, shuttling boxes and armoires like a pro. (My parents like to move house at least once a year, so as a kid I got pretty good at it). Then out came the couches, and instantly I went from help to hindrance. There's just something about the way certain types of furniture need to be rotated to make it through portals that freezes my brain like a deer in headlights. People try to help, they tell me to tilt it, no not that way, the other way, no YOUR other way, do you even understand what we're trying to do here? But I don't understand. I don't have a fucking clue, and I probably never will. H.P. Lovecraft wrote tales of creeping terror and existential dread. A recurring motif in his work was the unnatural angle, an angle so obscene, or downright impossible that to contemplate it was enough to drive oneself mad. I can relate, I think, because in my strangest nightmares, sex... is maneuvering a couch through a doorframe! Blah! |
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True Tales of Astonishing Failure by 09/01/2008, 6:05pm PDT  We can't help you with this one NT by 09/03/2008, 1:06pm PDT This is one area where Mexicans are smarter than Americans by 09/03/2008, 1:13pm PDT Re: True Tales of Astonishing Failure by 09/03/2008, 3:03pm PDT Nevermind. Here it is. by 09/03/2008, 4:20pm PDT And that wimpy husband was Garak I believe. NT by 09/03/2008, 4:22pm PDT |
