Joe Bob Briggs, in his old movie host show “Monster Vision” used to display, at the beginning of each film he screened, a tally of items viewers were about to be subjected to. The lists usually included severed heads, bloodsucking monsters, flying brains, that sort of thing. Well, maybe we need a Sam Mendes list. We can call it Uncle Sam’s Tally.

It might go something like this…

“American Beauty”:

1 jack-off scene by anti-hero (this opens the movie - remember, this won Best Picture),
1 failed marriage,
1 divorced neighbor,
1 drug dealer (hero figure),
1 hot teen lusted after by anti-hero,
1 precocious teen daughter who runs away with drug dealer,
1 cheating wife/entrepreneur,
1 Trans Am,
1 child beating and murderous homosexual Vietnam vet,
1 plastic bag flying.

Add-ons:

1 Best Picture Oscar.
1 Best Director Oscar.