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Adventure Pinball: Forgotten Island (PC) by Ice Cream Jonsey 05/16/2007, 3:14am PDT You can't change the button definitions, so you are stuck using "z" and "/" for flippers. The first time I hit the ball, it left the table, went over a waterfall, fell into a lake and my goal was to now let some thick-browed savage get off his island and join civilization by knocking shit down. Or something: I'll never know for certain, because it was the stupidest fucking thing I've ever seen in my life. I'd rather die than ever play another minute of this miserable waste of time. You know what it reminded me of? Gatorade (or Nike, I can't remember) used to put out these incredibly strained commercials where aliens were attacking the earth and Derek Jeter saved us all by hitting baseballs at them. It was like they were admitting that baseball wasn't interesting enough to make people buy sneakers (or Gatorade, again, sorry) so they had to tart it out. Pinball is interesting enough as it is, you don't need to mess with it, especially since anyone who plays pinball on the computer is by definition desperate and in a bad mood already because the bars have closed. Well, fuck Derek Jeter and fuck Adventure Pinball: Forgotten Island. Oh, the game also featured every bad cliche that you'd expect it to have with a "tropical island" motif. Cavemen shouting "oog, oog" constantly... the sound of the pinball hitting the flipper was that of coconuts being struck together, African tribal music as the soundtrack, etc. I didn't play long enough to confirm that one table was themed around preposterously-lipped cannibals throwing celery into a cauldron while squealing white women misunderstood their intent, but I'm certain it'd be there. The graphics also aren't as good as the 4-color pixel shit in "David's Midnight Magic." OK, they are, but all pinball reviews for a computer have to mention that game, so there you go. The graphics are worse than Wave Race 64, though, and this thing had 5 years on it. the dark and gritty...Ice Cream Jonsey!

Adventure Pinball: Forgotten Island (PC) by Ice Cream Jonsey 05/16/2007, 3:14am PDT