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Contra 4. by Jhoh Clbbl O_____O 12/07/2007, 9:47am PST
I searched for a new cheats file for my R4 for this game because I knew judging by all the gamefaqs faggotry about how the challenge is the most satisfying ever that this was just going to get everything wrong in the same way the previous Contra games did. Some of them even mention how THEY FINISHED ALL OF THE CHALLENGES ALL 40 OF THEM AND THE SOUND TEST MODE THEY UNLOCKED WAS WORTH IT and the only thing they have to do now is try finishing the game on hard without losing a single life. These people have no souls. Also, they like anime and cartoons.

I was right, but the game is sort of fun for the entire half hour it takes to play it from beginning to end on the hardest difficulty. The fun part involves you not having to swear at your DS from losing 10 lives in the first 10 minutes until etc.

Originally the games were about running around shooting enemies. You got codes for extra lives to get better practice in. In Contra 3 for the SNES they added a bomb that vaporized all the little enemy duders running and jumping around the screen, and would do a chunk of damage to bosses as well.

It should be obvious but where they went wrong right out of the gate with the Piss 2 and this DS game is that they have no extra lives code, no bombs. The games are half hour festivals of rote memorization of level layout, enemy placement, and boss patterns. That's it. People used to think this was cool because they were actually judging the game based on the graphics (the R-Type games) instead of the actual gameplay, and almost no game companies had made games that provided satisfying gameplay with eye candy without struggling with choking the magic special effects and large bosses out of the game.

Someone should just walk up to the devs of this game, say, YOU DIDN'T ADD AN EXTRA LIVES CODE, then punch them in the face. They made a Contra game incorrectly for like the 5th fucking time now. The ironic t-shirts at my Target(ses) and Hot Topic(s) don't have the Konami code on it because people didn't like using it.

Anyway, playing with cheats made the game worth playing because there are some giant bosses and you ride on a fucking space rocket as it fuckin turns over and crashes back into the ground jumping from hand grip to hand grip (jumping puzzles yes, but whatever, I have 99 lives anyway). Also, when you finish the game, it unlocks "challenge mode" which is 40 tiny mini levels that have challenges such as running through an enemy infested level without any guns, or limited ammo, or you're on a timer, such and such, and then they unlock bonus shit like an interview with some guy or actually a sort of cool collection of box art/screenshots/retrospective shit about all of the previous Contra games. Also, Contra 1 and Super C can be unlocked and they are old fashioned NES retro style, and the extra lives codes actually fuckin work too. So that's sort of neat. Also when I unlocked the sound test, one of the dude's voices says LET'S ATTACK AGGRESSIVELY which I laughed at remembering fondly the Super Dee Duper Contra 3 on the SNES because I think that's what one of the dudes says in the intro which I used to love watching because a giant alien face nukes a city and back then that was like the coolest effect in video game history.

Contra 3 was about 2 hours long beginning to end if you were good enough to get through all of the levels. It didn't need to artificially draw the game out by throwing a million enemies firing guns at you while bosses fire giant explosions at you or whatever shit in patterns you have to eventually memorize by losing at them several times over. That can make sense in a game like Elite Beat Agents, which is actually fun and has enough content for its length in the first place. But now they just make these Contra games 20 minutes long and then have you walk face first into a screen full of bullets and say OKAY NOW LEARN HOW TO DODGE ALL OF THESE WHILE TRYING TO SHOOT ENEMIES. This isn't a game anymore, it's just a level memorization sim. I think we posted about this for Contra Shattered Soldier a while ago but that was probably deleted because it was in 2004 or some shit, I dunno, but I can't seem to find it. :(

Overall 0/10 without cheats, 8/10 with cheats (excluding the incredibly short ACTUAL length of the game which should bump the score down, but shit I didn't pay for this game so who gives a shit).
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Contra 4. by Jhoh Clbbl O_____O 12/07/2007, 9:47am PST NEW
    front paeg NT by Grumah 12/07/2007, 1:47pm PST NEW
    So they didnt "make it correctly" because it doesnt have an extra life code? by Your mom 01/18/2008, 6:08pm PST NEW
        They didn't make it correctly because it's a 20 minute game that sucks. NT by Jhoh Creebul, Witch Toucher O_O 01/18/2008, 7:13pm PST NEW
        Yes, they didn't make it correctly without the code, you cunt. NT by Last 01/18/2008, 10:46pm PST NEW
            This is true actually. by Jhoh Creebul, Witch Toucher O_O 01/18/2008, 11:07pm PST NEW
        translation: "I am insane with bitter rage at wasting money on conta 4" NT by catassing faggot translator-bot 01/19/2008, 3:54am PST NEW
    action central apparently agrees with me (shameful?). by Jhoh Creebul, Witch Toucher O_O 01/23/2008, 9:13pm PST NEW
        Re: action central apparently agrees with me (shameful?). by Bananadine 01/24/2008, 8:45am PST NEW
    Re: Contra 4. by Jerry Whorebach 01/24/2008, 1:17am PST NEW
        for the record: by Grumah 01/24/2008, 10:11am PST NEW
        No, just searched for Contra Shattered Soldier, no posts. by Jhoh Creebul, Witch Toucher O_O 01/24/2008, 11:05am PST NEW
    Re: Contra 4. by Jhoh Creebul, Witch Toucher O_O 01/30/2008, 12:13pm PST NEW
        Continued. by Jhoh Creebul, Witch Toucher O_O 01/30/2008, 12:26pm PST NEW
            So basically everyone on sloarchan is just like you? NT by motherfuckerfoodeater 01/30/2008, 1:05pm PST NEW
                No, the opposite actually. NT by Jhoh Creebul, Witch Toucher O_O 01/30/2008, 1:32pm PST NEW
                actually, they arent being bitterly sarcastic there, they are serious :( NT by Grumah 01/30/2008, 3:50pm PST NEW
    Re: Contra 4. by Mysterious Stranger 09/08/2010, 2:54pm PDT NEW
    Re: Contra 4. by Mysterious Stranger 09/08/2010, 2:55pm PDT NEW
        Re: Contra 4. by Mysterious Stranger 09/08/2010, 2:56pm PDT NEW
 
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