World of Warcraft: The Burning Crusade (page 2)

Blizzard Hates Horde: 10/10!

According to sites that show the population of the various WOW servers, alliance outnumbers horde 2:1 on almost every server, 3:1 on a few, and then is 1:1 on I think one single server. Word around the player base is that the ratio is the same for blzrd (DEMOTED OF CAPS AND SOME OF ITS LETTERS) employees, so when a problem with horde factions, quests, or classes comes up, no one is able to find out about it because blzblz doesn't listen to anything that isn't presented from 50,000 night elves at the same time. After all night elves are such an amazing race, because you see they're like a normal elf, but............. wait for it.......... they have purple skin! It's more original than just a normal elf! We'll wait a couple years to make normal elves anyway and put them in on the horde side, even though those panda guys from Warcraft 3 might actually be a better idea for a new horde race AND YOU DON'T EVEN FUCKIN SEE THEM IN WORLD OF WARCRAFT THIS GAME IS FUCKIN RETARDED. So blz gets complaints from an alliance player who has a Little Mermaid poster in his living room and whos fat and psychopathic wife will thrash him to within an inch of his life about what horde shamans hurt their feelings by vaporizing them with a quintuple windfury crit sending them into a screaming fit to nerf shamans they're imba op and they interrupted them while they were watching Ow My Balls AND THAT IS NOT OKAY, and bliard makes it so there's no such thing as double triple windfury proc crit whatevers anymore and then it can't prox off yellow damage (WHAT?) and then they reduce the damage it does by half AND they add a secret (not even mentioned in the tooltip or the patch notes) cooldown on the windfury effect no matter how unlikely it was in the game, and then on the flipside when the horde shaman asks for something reasonable and necessary like the range of their totems increased from practically nothing to nothing and a half, blzridd stops reading the shaman boards (horde plays shaman, night elves don't) because they figure they've worked on shamans enough by making them not as good, just as the funay person comic guy (who plays alliance) wanted. Also, almost all the paladin gear has +strength, but barely any shaman gear does even though they need it just as much, in their $3,600 suits, come on!

They only just now got around to adding a skill that recycles your totems, unlike the past 2 years where if a shaman threw a totem down for whatever reason in a fight (usually to give yourself a handy buff like +strength or agl, etc), and then went to fight other guys over there, or just went back to town, the totem would stay there until it ran out where any enemy can walk and stumble dumb into pie right into your totem, somehow agor (I mean aggro) onto the totem even though totems don't attack or do anything that would justify an enemy becoming hostile from it, destroy your totem in one hit, and then aroagor directly onto you because it was your (fuckin) totem, putting you into combat even if you were out of combat trying to drink delicious mana drinks or taking a break or whatever shit you can only do while not engaged in combat, and no one at blz stopped to think to fix this until now AFTER TWO FUCKIN YEARS because there was no way of them knowing, because someone there like an employee or something would actually have to play a horde character or even KNOW someone who plays a horde character to ever find out, and they don't because they created a faction that they don't even care about. Except for the one lonely developer guy at lizzardb who comes up with the ideas for horde quests and town designs, who's constantly at odds with the one alliance blz developer who is supposed to help him create horde quests, and the alliance devguy just assumes that horde quests should involve poisoning children and animals because they think that's what the horde should be about, not that they would know because they only play a night elf, with a human warrior and gnome rogue as alts. Then the guy who actually plays horde just sighs and designs horde quests that involve good things, as an attempt to balance things out. No one else at blzrdrds knows about this because it would involve playing horde characters themselves, and why would they do that when half of the horde quests (especially ones taken from the undead guys) involve poisoning children and animals, JUST WHICH NUT CAME UP WITH THAT STUFF HUH? BACK TO HELPING MY NIGHT ELF RESTORE THE LIGHT OF ELUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNE BY COLLECTING 14 ELUNE CANDLES FROM THE CORPSES OF SHADOWBARK BURNFANGS.

If you really care about what windfury is, it's a shaman skill you cast that gives your weapon a 20% chance to do 2 extra attacks for double the damage of your normal hits. Your normal hits usually don't do that much damage (most shaman weapons are extra weak even though half your damage is melee PSH although that's the point of the shaman's weapon spells) but you can smoke half an enemy's health if windfury goes off, and windfury used to have a chance to go off on a windfury effect (or, psh, "proc" as they call it in the world of things going off GUNS ABOUT GO TO OFF HNNNNNNNNNN). Then thousands of alliance whined about it was too strong for months, so bulz first reduced the damage the windfury effect did by a ton, and then they added a secret cooldown so it couldn't double prox, and now apparently they made it a single magic effect hit equal to two hits or that's what the tooltip says and I don't even recognize what the fuck is the point anymore so I just use rockbiter instead (it just adds DPS to your weapon, STRAIGHT UP) and oh WHO THE THE FUCK WAS THE IDIOT WHO FEARED YOU FUCK!!!!!!!ING RETARD IDIOT, IT WAS GOING PERFECT YOU MUDDERFUCKER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THEN YOU FUCKING FEARED THEM, AND THE WHOLE GOD DAMN, FUCKING......... MAB THAT WAS FOLLOWING ME WENT TO ALL DEEFEREENT PLACES AND FUCKED ME UP!!!!!!

These kinds of things in the game are what lead to the Lenny Bruce syndrome where eventually you are yapping for all eternity to anyone you can about windfury or procs or crit chance or rogues not having enough PVE raid viability or warriors not having enough DPS in prot spec bloo bloo mysterious MMO in-speak shit, and you get shamans on the shaman boards posting lengthy experiments BASED ON 10,000 ENEMIES KILLED where they track how often windfury really goes off and they have this mathematical equasion showing that it is BELOW THE STATED 20% BLZ HAS BEEN LYING TO US ALL THIS TIME SHOULD I DUAL WIELD OR SHIELD SPEC?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But still, blarzzid should un nerf windfury, because fuck alliance. I didn't even get to the part about shamans either having to take the hunter gear (because it's mail) and just focus on melee attacks, or pick some of the more rare stuff with caster stats (shamans are half melee half spells with heals and 4 kinds of totems you can drop that buff you and party members) but have nothing for your melee shit. It's like there's no one at blizzard who knows what shamans should actually have. Meanwhile the gear of every other class has like +80 attack power and tons of stam and str and agl and blr and flf and ggg on everything (where the pre expansion gear only had that kind of shit for the super duper powerful raid gear).

Clearly lizzardb designed most of the new race's areas and quests and shit with the alliance more in mind, and more of the creativity spent there. The draeni blueberry space people have all these cool quests where you chase around ghosts and they give you short buffs that let you float and you use them to jump off cliffs and then a super fast swimming buff that lets you speed through the water to find this other thing, and then one guy gives you a 15 minute buff that gives you an epic mount to ride around warning people of an impending whatever. The blood elf belf opening area doesn't have any of this shit, it just has "kill 10 enemies" over and over and over and over until you go do the barrens quests.

Meanwhile, the new races let horde have paladins, previously an alliance only class, and alliance gets the shamans, with all their nerfed windfury and dropping the strength of earth totem then walking 10 feet away to fight more enemies and being out of range of your own totem that's RIGHT OVER THERE not even to mention boss fuckin fights in instances where your totems would cover one corner of the fuckin boss room and everyone's run out of range of them in the first 5 seconds BULLSHIT. But anyway, most of the shaman trainers in the draeni opening zones are from a race called "the broken." Ha ha ha nice little joke about how you refuse to fix one of the classes in your own game that I'm paying you money for but hey instead of making a race that has blue skin (IT'S LIKE PURPLE BUT A DIFFERENT COLOR) how about fixing problems that have been in the game for a couple years now? NO RUSH.

Players Threatening to Sue blzrrzd Funayness: 10/10!

The nature of a complex game such as this one can easily lead to many players ranting about things that no one cares about (DEATHCOIL IS IMBUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH OP NERF NOW NOW NOW I'M CANCELING MY ACCOUNT FOREVER) but the funniest and most pointless one would be right before the expansion came out, and buliz changed the whole honor ranking PVP fight battleground whatevers system so that all the swee rewards for doing battlegrounds were a million times easier to get. There used to be a really bizarre system where you got honor points and then they'd be calculated once a week to decide where your rank meter went, either increasing the meter or promoting you a rank or two, but there was a pointless and weird sliding scale where the more honor and rank and shit you were getting at one time the less it would count for in the next week and so on, and then if you stopped playing the battlegrounds eventually your rank would fall and you could get busted back down to having no rank if you stopped playing entirely. The stupid stupid faggots who quit jobs and divorced people just to get the high warlord/grand marshal rank basically wasted all that time to get gear that now only requires a few weeks of battleground grinding to get. The new honor system just has honor points that you get from killing players and capping flags, and the points stay there, and they don't scale or slide or decay.

So I heard from a guildie guild guild person who's in the guild (Team Snowglobe, RETURNING TO ROCK THE HOLY LANDS) that people on the WOW boards were planning to all get together and sue blizzard for RUUUUUUUUUUINING their lives by making the whole PVP rewards system better. Then we laughed about it. The end. :(
Things blblrdzrdrdzd Should've Added To the Expansion But Did Not Because They Are Incompetent: 10/10!

Out of the things they SHOULD be adding in an expansion pack, instead of retarded-looking new races (DID I MENTION THEY HAVE BLUE SKIN), would be some kind of in game radio station like the GTA games, hosted by the Huhuran guy telling us what's beast and what isn't, and the 50 DKP minus guy with strategies for the new raid instances. Perhaps with the Cloudsong kid doing traffic and weather together although if you were in traffic you'd already know what the weather is, making it kind of pointless to have the reports combined.

Another thing, they should add smaller mounts or some kind of movement speed increase skill for all classes at level 20. Right now, a few classes (shaman, druid, hunter) get a movement increase skill at 20, and the rest have to keep walking hundreds of virtual miles just to get back to the town where they can exit their game. MUTHAFUCKA WHAT THE FUCK.

Here's another thing! There are times when you're right in the middle of an area where you're fighting enemies all randomly planted around, like anywhere in the game, and you are fighting and fighting and suddenly the smoke detector goes off or the oven goes off (OR BOTH IN MY HOUSE YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING HA HA no just kidding I don't burn food that's wrong). What does WOW do to help you deal with this? Absolutely nothing. Because they are incompetent. THEY ARE INCOMPETENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! As a result of age combined with drink. What would fix this is a town portal, Diablo 2 style. The WOW equivalent, the hearthstone, can only be used once per hour, and takes 10 seconds just to cast it. I consider myself a good judge of things that are beast, and that is decidedly unbeast.

For some reason, the new flying mounts (they're like mounts, but they FLY at the same speed as the old old level 40 mounts, which is kind of gay) are only usable in Outland. Probably because when you take a flight path over a zone border in the old planet, you can see seams and abrupt texture changes, probably because most of the flight paths weren't even added until way later in the game. The flying mount is neat when you want to go over some obstacles in the world or float directly over the roads and land yourself right in the middle of a quest area, but you'll probably still use your lvl 60 fast ground mount because it moves faster. I'm sure bgggsdbfdsfd has a reason for that, but it's probably a gay reason.

Also, you have to be level 70 to get the epic mount, which means using it for quests is pointless because you no longer need experience. There are a few level 70 quests that might get you a gear upgrade, but there's still a chance it'll be bugged somehow.

Game Ending:

The end of the game comes when you hit level 70, and then go on wowwiki and read what's required for a bunch of the end game instances, which are going through the high level instances to get key fragments for the 10 man instance and combining them and then you have to do the high difficulty super hard versions of the previous instances to get through the quest chains to attune for the raid instances at the end. You read those things and say "fuck that" and cancel your account.

Final Verdict:

GUILTY. Also, if you already play this game, it's good for a while. If you don't, this is not a good reason to start playing. If you're really hard up for crusades, play Warhammer 40,000: Dawn of War: Dark Crusade. That's a pretty good crusade. And it's dark instead of burning, and everyone knows that dark is way cooler than burning, in my not so humble opinion, HEH. 8)


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