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A Scandal in Cubefarm Bohemia! by laudablepuss 02/18/2005, 5:09pm PST
Sometimes, I hate being a network admin. I really don't want to know about the personal lives of the idiots and perverts who make up my user base. Today I got a glimpse into the personal life of one of them, and I'm writing this so I can forget. Wait. I guess I'm going to try forgetting about it after I post.

Today, a user got an error from Windows saying that he had a duplicate IP. He kept getting kicked off the network, even after rebooting. I took a look but couldn't figure out why Windows thought the IP was already in use . . . DHCP informed me that only that machine had the IP and when I released it from his machine, I couldn't ping it from mine. No network appliance or printer or anything else had been given that address by mistake. What the heck?

Windows helpfully records the MAC address of the device with the duplicate IP. So we started tracking it down. We have a packet sniffer (I can't provide many details since I didn't set it up) and we used it to find the thing and examine its traffic. We still had no idea where the physcal device was. It moved around, getting different IPs over the course of a few hours. Kinda strange.

Well, we see that this thing is being used to connect to a certain mail domain as a certain username that happened to coincide with a username on our network. So my coworker and I went up to have a talk with the user, to politely inquire if they knew anything about this. I'm not terribly imposing physically but my coworker is pretty big guy, maybe somewhat intimidating. I explained that we were looking for a computer on our network that was acting strangely, that we'd seen this machine log into the aforenotmentioned email service with what appeared to be his name. Well, this guy looked scared. He has his own office, he was sitting and we were standing, and he looked like he wanted to defenestrate ASAP. When I asked if I could look at his machine, he asked in return if I could come back in 20 minutes. Okay, sure.

20 minutes later we go back up. He's not there. We take a look at his machine, but there's nothing interesting there. But, as we suspected, there was a second laptop sitting off to one side and somewhat hidden from view from a person in the doorway. Clearly not one of ours. I fired it up to take a look. The guy comes back at that point, and I inform him that his machine seems fine, but I was curious about his other laptop. Oh, that's mine. No kidding? Can I check the MAC address on it? I never hook it up to the network. He takes a seat and we talk for a bit, us explaining why we're worried, giving him some crap about thinking he might have a Trojan or something. Out of the blue he tells us his Dad died and that's why he's "stressed out". Stressed out isn't the same thing as nervous, and he's got a cold sweat going. Okay, whatever, we leave without looking at his laptop. I'm already feeling bad about making this guy miserable.

We get back and the third guy in my department has news. He's been sifting through the previously captured traffic and he's got packets showing the mystery machine connecting to an escort service, and an email from a girl confirming an appointment with Nervous Guy. I never wanted to know about this stuff. How dumb can this guy be? Using his laptop from work, using his own real name for these transactions . . . Hopefully he's been terrified into not connecting that thing to our network anymore, but if we see it's on there again, I'm going to open it up and determine once and for all whether it's got the MAC address we're looking for. And then, maybe trouble. I don't even want to contemplate it.

:(
NEXT REPLY QUOTE
 
A Scandal in Cubefarm Bohemia! by laudablepuss 02/18/2005, 5:09pm PST NEW
    demand he pay for a threesome and charge the company for team-building exercises NT by Kthor 02/18/2005, 5:26pm PST NEW
        The real scandal's that he was scared about the entire thing. by Casual observer 02/18/2005, 5:29pm PST NEW
        Sounds good except for the part that makes me ill. by laudablepuss 02/18/2005, 5:37pm PST NEW
            Right, no fat dudes! If he was hot though, then it's boner city. NT by Fussbett 02/18/2005, 5:55pm PST NEW
                So I guess I'm a fag? I disagree. by laudablepuss 02/18/2005, 5:59pm PST NEW
                    Re: So I guess I'm a fag? I disagree. by Casual observer 02/18/2005, 6:14pm PST NEW
                        I second that. NT by Lizard_King 02/19/2005, 5:42pm PST NEW
                            It was kthor who made the quip, so I lean toward laudable's interpretation NT by Entropy Stew 02/19/2005, 9:31pm PST NEW
                                Agreed. I just liked how the man's fitness level was the deal breaker. NT by Fussbett 02/20/2005, 1:25am PST NEW
                                    It's a threesome, if you have a chick between you, a gross guy is worse. NT by Worm 02/20/2005, 7:24am PST NEW
                                        Agreed. NT by Fullofkittens 02/20/2005, 10:06am PST NEW
                                            Negative! A *real* threesome features two girls, FAGS. NT by Bodybag 02/20/2005, 10:21am PST NEW
                                                Fucking Kthor and his fake fucking threesomes. NT by Worm 02/20/2005, 10:30am PST NEW
                                                    Re: Fucking Kthor and his fake fucking threesomes. by Casual observer 02/20/2005, 11:15am PST NEW
                                        We should rate the hottness of men more often. NT by Fussbett 02/20/2005, 12:18pm PST NEW
                                            When does Dungsroman weigh in? It's been like, two days. by laudablepuss 02/20/2005, 3:53pm PST NEW
                                                And spoil the conjecture of the caltrops dregs? No way. by Bill Dungsroman 02/21/2005, 1:58pm PST NEW
                                                    How did you know my nickname was 10 Minute Mark??? by laudablepuss 02/21/2005, 2:50pm PST NEW
                                                    Hey, remember when OGF had anal sloppy 15ths with his baseball team? by Fussbett 02/21/2005, 3:50pm PST NEW
                                                    WELL DID SHE CUM OR WHAT? NT by Creexul :( 02/23/2005, 7:17am PST NEW
            A hot whore? I'd fuck her. NT by Mysterio 02/19/2005, 2:44am PST NEW
                But instead you'll have to wank. NT by Kthor 02/19/2005, 12:17pm PST NEW
    Update by laudablepuss 02/22/2005, 9:42am PST NEW
        Brazil by Motherhead 02/22/2005, 10:32am PST NEW
            Re: Brazil by laudablepuss 02/22/2005, 11:22am PST NEW
        You should've gathered all the info about the whores and stuff. by Creexul :( 02/23/2005, 7:13am PST NEW
            Re: You should've gathered all the info about the whores and stuff. by laudablepuss 02/23/2005, 2:55pm PST NEW
 
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