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MASTER OF SUPREMACY 8: a space combat sim etc. etc. by Electronic Arts & Zseni 03/17/2005, 12:33pm PST
In an attempt to fill the void of Supremacy's weak space combat, I give you:

Master Of Supremacy 8: The Caltrops Space Combat Strategy Simulation RPG

Gameplay proceeds as follows: An unlimited number of players may participate; in practice, a game seldom exceeds two. As with Starcraft, players choose a game location, craft team, and set some game options; play proceeds in turns until they are bored.

SHIP STATS: HP, Attack, Defense, Charisma, Genius, Special Abilities

HP: you know, how much you can hit the ship until it's dead.
Attack: you know, how hard the ship hits stuff.
Defense: you know, how much the ship can convincingly protest it didn't get hurt.
Charisma: Influences intership relations.
Genius: A high genius score can lend the "piercing", "penetrating", or "funny" attribute to attacks.
Special Abilities: Not actually a stat at all! These are specific to certain types of ships.

Stats range from 0 to 20 except HP, which may range from 5 to 500.

Genius Attacks: Ships with a Genius of 13 or above may have piercing attacks which ignore defense when calculating damage. Ships with a Genius at least 16 AND a Charisma above 12 may have funny or penetrating attacks: funny attacks may cause other local ships to attack the victim, and penetrating attacks cause damage leaks, constantly draining HP until the end of the game.

HYPER MODE: At a certain damage level, most ships enter Hyper Mode which adds additional attacks or abilities.

Craft Teams: Ships are classed as "Sulky", "Histrionic", or "Hilarious." In general, Sulky ships have high defense and soak or ignore attacks; Hilarious ships have high attack ratings and tend to have piercing or funny attacks. Histrionic ships are a prestige class and usually only advanced and experienced players can effectively use them.

Below are noted some of the major ships in Caltrops:

ARCHCANNONS: These steely giants seldom, if ever, are defeated.


Team: Hilarious
HP: ? Attack: ? Defense: ? Charisma: ? Genius: ?

Special Abilities:
- Divine Retribution: Fussbett never enters a fight that he can't win.
- Flawless Defense: His defense is flawless.
- Social Prowess: Who doesn't like Fussbett? Only losers don't like Fussbett.

Hyper Mode: Has never been witnessed.


Team: Sulky
HP: ? Attack: ? Defense: ? Charisma: ? Genius: ?

Special Abilities:
- Imaginary Damage Calculator: Damage to Creexul is converted to imaginary numbers. And then ignored.
- Null-Dimensional Collision Box: While appearing to be a large, slow, and vulnerable ship, attacks on Creex miss him completely.
- Memelord: He says it, you ape him. Have fun flipping that keyboard, fags.

Hyper Mode: The same as regular mode.

JUGGERNAUTS: This special class of ship is as dangerous and bejeweled as it is vulnerable and horrifically expensive.


Team: Histrionic
HP: 200 Attack: ? Defense: ? Charisma: 20 Genius: 18

Special Abilities:
- Chaotic Attack: Zseni's attacks are apparently random and have chaotic effects. Some of them include:

* Zsenicology: this psionic blast attack has a chance to instakill or spnak "mentally unstable" ships. They have a random chance to be piercing or penetrating on normal ships; however, if Zsenicology does not result in at least one fatality, Zseni's charisma is drained proportional to the damage caused until the next Lunar Rebirth.
* Eldritch Errata: beams of pure obscure useless information obsfucate the entire battlefield and ships with low genius may be instakilled or lose several turns in the murk.
* Gravitas Attack: these law- or morality-based ramming-a-point-down-your-throat attacks do more damage for consecutive Gravitas Attacks, although the damage from a single odd one is spurious.
* Science Fact: While dangerously plausible, ships with high genius randomly reflect these attacks, which can rebound on Zseni as critical hits.
* Gender Cloud: Ships attacking Zseni must successfully save vs. obsfucation during this attack or get driven into a debate about gender and sex, which will result in, at best, their short and merciful death.

- Chaotic Defense: There is absolutely no telling what Zseni will be vulnerable to at the time of attack. Successful hits on Zseni are randomly critical, whether from peashooters or Archcannons, and (less successfully) randomly ignored.

- Fast Regeneration: Zseni recovers quickly from non-critical hits and will win any battle that descends into passive-aggressive attrition.

- Lunar Rebirth: A successful string of critical attacks will kill Zseni, who will run away and cry for about a month before returning under a temporary Sulky cloak.

- Charismatic Presence: Zseni's presence in a fight will raise the attack ratings of both co-aligned and counter-aligned ships by random values; if Zseni is forcibly driven from the battlefield, counter-aligned ships will piss and moan at the Histrionic player to unban Zseni.

Hyper Mode: Zseni gains Granny Porn Blitz. Since only BDR and Senor Barborito are vulnerable to this attack, Zseni relies on her considerable arsenal of regular attacks.


Team: Hilarious
HP: 350 Attack: 18 Defense: 10 Charisma: 17 Genius: 16

Special Abilities:
- Reluctant Alliance: Counter-aligned ships grudgingly respect INC; co-aligned ships are slow to come to his aid.

- Phaser Weenie: Not actually interested in anything, at all, INC primarily skates over a battle, lacing everyone with cheap shots, before gliding back into the night.

- Real Life Girlfriend: INC has a real life girlfriend, so attacks on him in-game are commonly ignored. Especially attacks from people who don't have or can't keep girlfriends.

- Gaming Career: INC gets a set amount of upgrades for each per-player/per-hour time unit that passes in the game. Seriously gay fanboy gaming dorks consider him an Archcannon.

- Beautiful People: INC will readily turn discussions into chats about the famous people he has seen or gone to school with. Ships attacking INC must save vs. genius to keep from falling into his thrall. Ships in INC's thrall automatically attack BDR.

Hyper Mode: INC enjoys L.A. while you sit at home, playing Master Of Supremacy 8. You sad little person.

DESTROYERS: More like "homewreckers", less like "battleships." These ships aren't afraid to make a lot of noise.


Team: Histrionic
HP: 500 Attack: 15 Defense: 0 Charisma: 13 Genius: 14

Special Abilities:
- Overdeveloped Fight-Or-Flight: BDR goes into Hyper Mode as soon as he is attacked.
- Sucker: BDR has no defense at all, and compensates by taking forever to shut up - driving away all but the most ravenous or brainless attackers.
- Po-Faced Angler: BDR can switch the topic of any conversation to himself, with a chance to Disgust players with higher Genius than him. Disgusted ships are forced to retreat out of firing range.
- All-Seeing Eye: BDR flawlessly parries all attacks from Mysterios and ATORs, since he's always checking the IP logs to see who posted what.
- Poison Pen: BDR never runs out of ammunition and can re-use bullets without thinking he's degrading himself at all.
- Hyperaggressive: BDR will attack anything that moves within his firing range.

Hyper Mode: BDR gains Forever Scrolling, a text blitz attack that muddies the waters of any discussion beyond recognition and causes all participants to lose a turn for each turn they continue to attack him.


Team: Sulky
HP: 400 Attack: 0 Defense: 20 Charisma: 9 Genius: 9

Special Abilities:
- Damage Soak: Worm absorbs the first 20 attacks against him in a given battle.
- Immortal: When Worm's HP is reduced to 0, he starts posting in another battle, where his HP is somehow 400 again and everyone is just supposed to forget how badly he got whipped in the last fight or something.

Hyper Mode: Worm's charisma jumps 7 points and he's just too cute to hit.


Team: Sulky
HP: 200 Attack: 20 Defense: 20 Charisma: ? Genius: ?

Special Abilities:
- Null-Dimensional Collision Box: While appearing to be a large, slow, and vulnerable ship, attacks on Jhoh miss him completely and hit Creexul.
- Pulpit Thump: Jhoh shits out a lot of Little Green Footballs cut-n-paste, then laughs at anyone who responds (at all.) He can invoke Archcannon Creexul to assist in Pulpit Thump.

Hyper Mode: Jhoh disappears in a cloud of squid ink; Archcannon Creexul takes over the fight.

ROGUE SQUADRON FIGHTER ACES: This collective of second-stringers, like Casual Observer, bombMexico, motherfuckerfoodeater, bink, and Souffle of Pain, are ready to step in and fill the power vacuum left by the departure or death of a regular! Hopefully soon... They are only dangerous en masse.


SPACE TRADER Ice Cream Jonesy: as the only supply shipper in the game universe, ICJ wins no matter who else loses. The strong and soothing bonds of commerce quiet many of space's troubled waters. And look out for his occasional piercing and funny attacks! This kitten has claws!

GEMINI FIGHTERS Fullofkittens and laudablepuss: almost indistiguishable, experienced players can determine which of these two is which by remembering that Fullofkittens makes the occasional adroit point, whereas laudablepuss is the loveable idiot of the two.

ART AIRJET K.Thor Jensen: This fame-kissed fruitloop has the inheritable - possibly even infectious - Hipster Scum trait, which doubles his attack strength in battles against ships with lower charisma, and halves it in battles against ships with higher genius.

ENTROPY STEW Entropy Stew: Possibly one of Zseni's stray attacks. Semi-alive, like a virus.

THE MYSTERIO EMPIRE: this hive-mind of anonytools travels in enormous mists of non-identity. As single fighters they are weak, and their only power is cloaking; however, rumors that all of them might be controlled by a single evil central brain are persistent and convincing...
MASTER OF SUPREMACY 8: a space combat sim etc. etc. by Electronic Arts & Zseni 03/17/2005, 12:33pm PST NEW
    Re: MASTER OF SUPREMACY 8: a space combat sim etc. etc. by Choson 03/17/2005, 12:45pm PST NEW
    Self-delude much? by Caltrops 03/17/2005, 1:08pm PST NEW
        Caltrops wouldn't ask that, it already knows the answer. NT by Bill Dungsroman 03/17/2005, 1:25pm PST NEW
            CALTROPS HATE RHETORICAL LINE OF QUESTION NT by Caltrops 03/18/2005, 11:47am PST NEW
    I SENSE ASTUTE OBSERVATIONS (WOW) by Creexul :( 03/17/2005, 2:39pm PST NEW
        It's mistakes like these that keep her from graduating to archcannon. by Fussbett 03/17/2005, 6:29pm PST NEW
    Arch Master Ultra Lord Creexul Whatever retired me from the fleet. by bink 03/17/2005, 3:34pm PST NEW
        Your posts aren't good. :( NT by Creexul :( 03/17/2005, 3:59pm PST NEW
            Neither are Worm's, but I don't see you demanding him to leave. NT by bink 03/17/2005, 7:44pm PST NEW
                Re: Neither are Worm's, but I don't see you demanding him to leave. by Ice Cream Jonsey 03/17/2005, 9:02pm PST NEW
                    And he ignored them, like any logical person reacting to shrieking "regs." NT by Person Who is Definitely *NOT* bink 03/17/2005, 10:05pm PST NEW
       NT by begging to differ 03/17/2005, 9:43pm PST NEW
                    Do people think that was someone atoring me? NT by Worm 03/17/2005, 9:45pm PST NEW
                        no NT by begging to differ 03/17/2005, 9:47pm PST NEW
                            It's a good post then? NT by Worm 03/17/2005, 9:50pm PST NEW
                                Yeah, come out and show your public support for Worm, fag. NT by Person Who is Definitely *NOT* bink 03/17/2005, 10:04pm PST NEW
                                    I just realized, Fussbett's post is too good to get bogged down by this shit NT by cut it out. Worm 03/17/2005, 10:05pm PST NEW
                I wish you would leave, bink. NT by I need clarification 03/23/2005, 8:03pm PST NEW
                    I wish! You would. Leave, bink. NT by bink 03/24/2005, 4:38am PST NEW
                        I wish you. Would leave? Bink. NT by bink 03/24/2005, 4:39am PST NEW
                            I wish. You would leave! . . . Bink? NT by bink 03/24/2005, 4:40am PST NEW
    Re: MASTER OF SUPERCILIOUS 8: a cry for attention sim etc. etc. by Bill Dungsroman 03/17/2005, 4:31pm PST NEW
    Thanks. Thanks a lot for not picking me. NT by Klaus Daimler 03/17/2005, 11:42pm PST NEW
    Finish the rest of the characters. I can't get enough meta. NT by Fussbett 03/18/2005, 5:40am PST NEW
        Re: Finish the rest of the characters. I can't get enough meta. by Electronic Arts & Zseni 03/18/2005, 1:34pm PST NEW
            This should be our new About page. NT by Bill Dungsroman 03/18/2005, 2:40pm PST NEW
            You SUCK, MM by Electronic Arts & Zseni 03/18/2005, 2:52pm PST NEW
            frogmen? NT by FABIO 03/18/2005, 5:01pm PST NEW
                Didn't get that ref, either. NT by Bill Dungsroman 03/18/2005, 5:03pm PST NEW
                Probably confused you with laudablepuss by Voyons Donc 03/18/2005, 5:12pm PST NEW
                    I guess I'm indistinguishable from Fabs AND FOK both. :( NT by laudablepuss 03/18/2005, 5:48pm PST NEW
                    -5 parody points then by FABIO 03/18/2005, 6:48pm PST NEW
                        WAY TO PROVE HER POINT YOU MOPY BITCH NT by Count Fistula 03/18/2005, 9:50pm PST NEW
                            Well, I will! by Bill Dungsroman 03/18/2005, 10:58pm PST NEW
                                I know what my name means, thanks. by Count Fistula 03/18/2005, 11:50pm PST NEW
                                I tried not to let anyone see me laff when I saw "anal fistula" in terminology. NT by Creexul :( 03/18/2005, 11:54pm PST NEW
    Way to lazy up my specs by Entropy Stew 03/18/2005, 3:21pm PST NEW
    MASTER OF SUPREMACY 8 EXPANSION PACK: Alien Demise Technology by Electronic Arts & Zseni 03/22/2005, 2:51pm PST NEW
        My SB was better. You lost the forest for the trees. NT by Ghosts of Zseni's lost arguments 03/22/2005, 4:11pm PST NEW
        Pathetic by Caltrops Kids Club 03/22/2005, 4:52pm PST NEW
            Do you happen to have a dueling scar on your face and a Persian cat on your lap? NT by Mischief Maker 03/22/2005, 5:16pm PST NEW
                I really blew it, yelling at BDR. by Electronic Arts & Zseni 03/22/2005, 6:36pm PST NEW
                    Nice Try, asshole. by Mischief Maker 03/22/2005, 7:03pm PST NEW
        I always thought SB would be a pair of ships that crash into each other a lot. NT by Creexul :( 03/24/2005, 5:00am PST NEW
            That's much better than the thing I thought of. :( NT by Zseni: Warrior-Poet 03/24/2005, 10:44am PST NEW
    Wow, you did great Un luogo magnificopbzl :)))25 by Goqcavdy 02/24/2009, 5:25am PST NEW
    wromg is still not satisfied? I remember last time he only did this for a day NT by Weyoun Voidbringer 02/24/2009, 1:55pm PST NEW
        Hey, you're on topic, punctual, and persistent! Need a job? NT by Spammer CEO 02/24/2009, 2:25pm PST NEW
            hey everyone look, wrom made another terrible shit post again, what are the odds NT by Weyoun Voidbringer 02/24/2009, 3:10pm PST NEW
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