|
by Ray, of Light 02/17/2003, 7:40pm PST |
|
 |
|
 |
|
Owing to the handiwork of a brilliant rhetorical tactician, I'm hesitant to announce that I don't watch TV. But I don't. Except for last night, that is, when some people came over and insisted they see the Simpsons' 300th episode. After a scuffle with the basement's coaxial empire, I got things "rigged up", and looked forward to being entertained in the same manner as ordinary people. Would everything make sense? Would my ignorance be obvious? I would find out.
And find out, I did! The shows are familiar, but what in hell happened to advertising? One commerical, for tiny tampons (o.b., if you're wondering) was set in adjacent bathroom stalls and stopped (just) short of clots-into-water sound effects. The ladies in the audience felt it "went too far".
A second ad, for DoA:XB/VBall, had a room full of teen boys and pillows demonstrating how the game can give you an errection.
On what level is all this necessary? I was a teenage boy once, and in need of many things, but more errections? No. I once waited an hour for a subway car with room to sit. That ad sells pillows more than a video game.
Equally, if I had some medical condition that grew me a vagina and required I place things inside it, it would be enough to say: "Hey! Those things in your vagina? We make smaller ones." End of commercial, sale closed.
These ads do get attention, however, and attention is the chocolate-covered, nicotine-salted, liqueur-centered crack rock that defines an advertiser's existence. The trend is as unstoppable as it is unneccessary, much like advertising itself. You can steel yourself for newer, edgier ads, for everything from high-fibre cereal: "You gotta fill the bowl, to fill the bowl" ... to automobiles: "The Dodge Bicep, with Trunk-in-Front™! Assuming you don't take it in the rear, why should your car?" ... to beer: "No fooling this time! We will get you laid!"
Then, when we think we've hit bottom, the tampon people will take it to the next level -- "The o.b. Blood Wraith is our Wickedest tampon yet! It stops flow dead, and leaves your camel-toe intact! Look for the limited edition crimson-foil box (Box!), and Get It In Ya!" -- and the vicious cycle begins again.
Where does it end? I'll tell you: here, on the internet, where we already see stirrings of realization that "ad-supported" equals "crap," and demand for ad-free content. I pray we'll show the same sound judgement in the coming wave of Edge, and demand product with some measure of dignity.
Should we fail, it will be Japan making jokes about us. Funny ones.
Ray! |
|
 |
|
 |
|
|
|
Would you like that rectal exam with edginess, or without? by Ray, of Light 02/17/2003, 7:40pm PST 
Re: Would you like that rectal exam with edginess, or without? by Zseni 02/17/2003, 8:17pm PST
I hate to disagree because I do agree . . . by Senor Barborito 02/17/2003, 8:47pm PST
HAW HAW HAW commoner. by Zseni 02/17/2003, 9:05pm PST
Good point. I concede. by Senor Barborito 02/17/2003, 9:24pm PST
Re: Would you like that rectal exam with edginess, or without? by Lufteufel 02/17/2003, 9:52pm PST
One thing you learn from watching TV in Texas... by conflictNo 02/17/2003, 8:28pm PST
Acutally, every time I turn on a tv (rarely), I see a commercial for trucks n/T NT by mrs. johnson 02/17/2003, 8:43pm PST
DON'T MESS WITH TEXAS! -nt- by E. L. Koba 02/17/2003, 10:43pm PST
It's understood. by conflictNo 02/17/2003, 10:59pm PST
So? Which one are you? -nt- by Ray, of Light 02/17/2003, 11:06pm PST
Warnchoocommondaywninfineout?! by conflictNo 02/17/2003, 11:39pm PST
Re: One thing you learn from watching TV in Texas... by Zebco Fuckface 02/18/2003, 11:47am PST
When did Larry King start posting here? by I need clarification 02/18/2003, 12:03am PST
Re: When did Larry King start posting here? by niche 02/18/2003, 1:45am PST
Larry King has always posted here. Get better intel. by conflictNo 02/18/2003, 12:53pm PST
Play ball by I need clarification 02/18/2003, 4:27pm PST
Re: Play ball by laudablepuss 02/18/2003, 6:22pm PST
YEAH, ME TOO [NT] NT by I need clarification 02/18/2003, 6:30pm PST
Oh right right right. Still fronting. by conflictNo 02/18/2003, 7:13pm PST
No, no... by I need clarification 02/18/2003, 7:44pm PST
White poster most in need of a blow job. by Git 02/18/2003, 8:28pm PST
Why do I even bother? by I need clarification 02/18/2003, 9:39pm PST
With me tonight are Bronson Pinchot, and a Flying Elbow to Your Argument's Face. by Ray, of Light 02/18/2003, 6:50pm PST
In my corner is Alex Karras and The Absolute Righteousness of Capitalism by I need clarification 02/18/2003, 7:36pm PST
Thanks, and join us next week, when my guests will be Extremely Uninformed. by Ray, of Light 02/18/2003, 8:31pm PST
Someone's lost track of the thread, and I think it's Not Me. by I need clarification 02/18/2003, 9:45pm PST
If this Were the Bible, This Post Would be in Red. by Ray, of Light 02/18/2003, 10:27pm PST
HAHAHA did you just say the INTERNET would save us? by Bill Dungsroman 02/18/2003, 12:09pm PST
Re: HAHAHA did you just say the INTERNET would save us? by Ray, of Light 02/18/2003, 6:30pm PST
Ah, now I see. No, wait. I don't. by I need clarification 02/18/2003, 10:00pm PST
We're over here! by Ray, of Light 02/18/2003, 10:45pm PST
See, that's the thing by I need clarification 02/19/2003, 1:37am PST
Please stop trying to agree with my former and wrong self KTHX by Senor Barborito 02/19/2003, 6:10am PST
Re: HAHAHA did you just say the INTERNET would save us? by Bill Dungsroman 02/19/2003, 2:23pm PST
You're missing out on the whole tv thing by Hitler! Argument's over. 02/19/2003, 3:41pm PST
|
|
