Caltrops - Rants - Wics? Weaners?

Forum Overview :: Rants

by Bill Dungsroman 06/13/2003, 1:41pm PDT

Sure sure, we all know about the phenomenon of wiggers, white boys what act black, yo. From Eminem, the epitome of the white Ebonic Man ("We have the cuss-words; we can re-invent him."), who might actually talk like that, to your average white boy who banged N.W.A. on his car stereo in high school and memorized all the TUFF lyrics (me), the stereotype is well-recognized (and appropriately ridiculed). But what about whiteys that act like Latinos?

Ever seen this? I knew two girls, unrelated in any way (except they both worked with me at the casino I used to work at), who did this. One was more understated, she liked to put every available inflection possible in any opportunity that presented itself to speak Spanish. Naturally, she took advantage of each and every opportunity that came up. Once, and I swear this is true, she was speaking to a Mexican fellow who came up and asked in Spanish if one of the dishwashers was working in the back. She replied "No," but somehow she said it with a Spanish inflection. Amazing. Of course, she married a Spanish dude, but what was funny was, he looked white and didn't have an accent. Hmm. Oh, but she called him "Papi" and such. She was as white as Crispin Glover, melatonin-wise, BTW.

The other girl went whole hog, though. She made herself look as Latin as possible, dying her hair and wearing that Chula (or whatever, my Latin slang derogatives are rusty) dark makeup, and speaking with a forced accent most of the time. She did all the things the first girl did in spades, plus frequenting Latin dance clubs and so on. She had a somewhat dusky complexion, but apparently she was half-Italian. I'm guessing the other half was within the realm of WASP, since her last name was Felton.

These girls grew up in Vegas, just like me. I know the neighborhoods they lived in, which weren't even close to Latin-dominant. What the fuck? Is this one of those mysterious, gay-ass things girls do to ingratiate themselves with their chosen male romantic interest demographic? The phenomenon doesn't seem as prevalent among white girls who dig on the dark meat, knowumsayin, or maybe I just meet freaky broads in this weird town (not outside the range of possibility). Do white chicks that like Azn dudes exclusively (are there any?) dye their hair jet black, straighten it, and wear clothes with dem kooky symbols on them?

BDR