Caltrops - Rants - Shocking report (a little E/N, but justified this once) on Neurontin, my own bit

Forum Overview :: Rants

by Senor Barborito 07/12/2003, 1:32pm PDT

Read this first.

To put it bluntly, Neurontin was a massive hoax. A trick played on bipolar patients such as myself for the past few years that has cost us (V and I, and every other person with a prescription for it) thousands of dollars and in some cases much of their lives - presumably in a few cases it did cost them their lives, as the suicide rate amongst bipolar people is 5x the standard one. Under the guidance of Dr. Kenneth George I began a treatment regimen consisting *solely* of Neurontin in October 1998 as an 18 year old at the start of my sophomore year of college. This followed his initial misdiagnosis of me as simply depressive which lead to a psychotic episode at the hands of Celexa - I suppose I should have considered myself warned, but I knew nothing about what I was up against.

I got burned pretty hard as a result. As my symptoms worsened I grew erratic and began lashing out and making increasingly rash decisions culminating in my walking out of college for good. Upping my Neurontin dosage provided some small comfort as the drug does treat anxiety symptoms, at least, but nothing more.

Getting off of it is the kind of Hell reserved for heroin addicts. Very slowly over the past three months - before even reading this article and on my own because I realized it was hurting and not helping me, I've managed to kick the habit, though it has fucking hurt. If I seem to have become calmer with only the occasional fit - the fits match exactly to each drop in a pill, perfectly. L_K I think you noticed me lashing out at someone a few days ago? That was my first day without any at all. Sorry to whomever that was - to be frank, through it all I have not been in control of my own words or actions to a very high degree every time I drop a pill, it's like being burned alive at stake but only inside your own brain.

As for thanks, I need to thank a certain local (fellow bipolar) doctor in Bellevue who just left his practice after falling in love with another patient who over just the past year got me into a regimen of real drugs that has truly helped me, and who has been responsible for all the steady improvement I've seen - particularly these last few months where I've finally reached a happy, stable equilibrium to the extent that a severe type I ultra-rapid cycler is capable of such. To everyone I've treated like shit since coming to OMM, I deeply apologize. I'm not talking about banter, but rather about the people I've really and truly screwed over. I can honestly say the person who did that is no longer the person who writes this, we have little enough in common outside of a shared history and body. He was absolutely not in control of himself, and I assure you he suffered far more mental anguish internally than any pain you were wishing upon him.

The question is, of course, is what do after one's kicked the habit and started to repair oneself - 'what now?' Well, a move back east with Veronica (whom I have never and will never deserve) is in the works thanks to a looks-to-be-successful job transfer for her and with that will come either a job or a completion of my degree - I'll let the rejection notices decide that one for me. I'm not really sure what I'd like to do, at the moment. Job would be in computers (fucking duh), and the schooling would be towards the purer sciences with an aim towards nanotech. I'm not sure how we'll handle the server during the transition or after it (and I appreciate any offers or suggestions in Site Comments or emailed to senor-barborito@zombieworldNOSPAM.com) but I promise all of you it'll stay up with as little interruption as humanly possible.

Sorry for the gayness, I was going to post this when the move back east actually happened, but I felt the report was too good timing to pass up,

--SB