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| 8/14 -- The Greatest Tragedy Ever by Fussbett: In a Crisis (tm) 08/17/2003, 5:17am PDT | ||||
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| "Where were YOU when the lights went out on 8/14?"
That's what our grandkids will ask us, if we aren't so traumatized that we'll ever be able to love again. I was driving towards a traffic light that went out at 4:15pm. Thinking nothing of it, I proceeded to the next light, where I concluded that the whole street must be down. Making my way back to the office was increasingly difficult as I needed to make a left turn -- or The Dead Man's Gamble Turn of Death as us power-outters soon called it. Being smart or possibly nervous, I overshot my usual route, and made a bunch of right hand turns (The Safe Man's Easy Turn of Delight) instead. Traffic lights were out all over. As if I was rationalizing a crazy dream, I concluded that the traffic lights must be on a common "traffic light grid" which was down. So naive. Getting back to the office I saw that everyone was out in the parking lot, chilling. Citywide power outtage! By nightfall, a great moonlit party broke out that featured dancing in the fire escapes, cooking on the barbeques, and a real community spirit... Somewhere far from me and my building in the suburbs. Instead I walked ten feet in the pitch blackness before giving up and heading over to my corner Korean store, which was of course open for business under candlelight and calculator power. Fucking Jews. I was in the back of the dark store, snapping the flash on my digital camera so that I could see the pop selection. The old Korean man thought that was hilarious, but stopped to help me not locate a root beer beverage. I took my second choice pop bottle to the counter and just for kicks snapped another picture of the scene. 
"WHAT YOU DO NOW?" "I took a picture" "WHY YOU DO THAT?" "For fun" I felt a little mean for ruining this poor woman's night with a photo, so I also bought a package of M&M's. $1.20? Fucking Jews. By 1:30am I was trying to sleep which was a joke. Lying on top of the bed, sweating in my underwear. Sure, it looked sexy, but I was as far away from sleep as a person can get. Though the heat was responsible for most of my restlessness, I was also bothered by the unsettling knowledge that my car was nearly out of gas. As much of an inconvenience as it is to have a car run out of gas, I also have a slight phobia about being places without my car (read: transportation away from bad emergency danger). It's a very very slight OCD thing, but at 2:00am when you're wide away and sweating to death, it's suddenly more important. Lights were on elsewhere in patches of the city, so I hatched an elaborate plan. On fumes, I drove to my dad's place, snuck around in the dark with a flashlight, stole my sister's car keys, and used her car as a recon vehicle to search for a working gas station with a jerry can in the trunk. Seeing one hundred cars lined up at the city's sole operational gas station is a creepy sight, dudes. It's an end-times kinda sight that I don't want to see again in my lifetime. I persevered and was rewarded. I found a gas station that had a damaged store window where someone had thrown a rock, I suppose. As a result, the staff wasn't letting people into the store and you couldn't pay with cash. However, those of us lucky enough to be in the upper echelons of society could use our credit cards at the automated pumps. Why were there not more people at this gas station? I'm not sure, but I took full advantage, putting gas in my sister's car and then the jerry can. Fussbett: In a Crisis (tm). Fueling up MY car back at the driveway I then drove again to the station to top up my car. Who knows how long the gas situation will be spotty? I might need to drive to a new timezone the next day, or outrun looters, or pretend I'm playing OutRun. On my second fueling a black guy approached me and asked if he could pay me some cash for gas as he was without a credit card. Fussbett: In a Crisis (tm). I said that was fine and we began to chat as I pumped the $50 into his van. (I hope he didn't see my small nozzle!) I wasn't listening to his tale of plight very much. I was just mentally congratulating myself for helping this creditless black fellow in his time of need. I'm a good person! Then he catches my ear by dropping the sound bite of the day "You really don't realize how much we rely on electricity..." Except I do know exactly how much I rely on it. Everytime I buy a new powerbar or extension cord or when I look for an apartment with utilities included I think about how much I love electricity and how much I plan on using it. But I guess I've learned that lots of people out there take it for granted. Then my new buddy ends his little speech with a moral. "...and maybe we should be trying to conserve it a little more." Holy Christ, I had my very own magic negro right there in flesh and blood! Was he an angel? A ghost? Jesus? Would I heed his lesson? Thank fuck I decided to help him out. Fussbett: In a Crisis (tm)! So I guess that's the outcome of the blackout. I'm probably going to heaven now. |
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