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| Machismo revisted. by Zseni 07/25/2004, 2:54am PDT | ||||
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| It's obvious to me that the anonymous masses don't want the case closed on macho men, so here we go. Even at this moment, at the gay laboratory behind the back 40, my sword-handle-wrapping boyfriend is holding a dialog with my well-into-12th-set-of-reps-on-70-pound-bicep-curls brother.
voce stupido throughout: Bro: Hey Weap, maybe we can get some beef jerky. Weap: Together, you mean? Just you and me? Bro: Yeah I found a really good deal online, maybe we could share some jerky.... Weap: Yeah just us. Bro: Then we could go to Auto Zone. Weap: And get a nitro kit, yeah. A cheap one. Bro: Then we could do push ups together. Weap: At my shop. (to me, skirted, ankles crossed, seated at the computer after having fixed them fresh hot pancakes) No girls allowed. Bro: Yeah it's just us manly guys and our jerky at the shop. Weap: We're just installing the kit. Sometimes I have to take my pants off to do that though... Bro: I'll just take my pants off if it makes it easier for you, bud. Weap: Yeah that might save some money on the heating bills. Because you have a really hot ass. Bro: You said that out loud again, dude. Weap: (looks guity) See but they were kidding because even if they were gay, it's summer and really hot out already. Everyone I've polled, and I have done so extensively, finds the whole idea of 1. frugality and 2. group internet jerky purchasing because (1 and 2) macho completely ludicrous. Who have I asked? Among the many: the bladesmithing community. Members of Teamsters Local 162. The men of the local college debate team...and the wrestling team! Setting: warehouse, midnight shift. Players: Kit, a broad-shouldered load-toter on her second husband. Israel, a woman of fantastic height and the only one to ever overpower me in a shoving match. Biron, the local college debate team's ex-star slut - male, hairy, beer-swilling, very virile. Me: (to assembled group, visiting on union business) Guys, I have to know: is it macho to save money? Is frugality macho? Kit: Um... Israel: What, like being cheap? Me: No, like saving money. Like say you buy something online with a bunch of other guys to save money. Kit: Do men shop online? Israel: (laughs, loud and for some time) That doesn't sound macho to me. Biron doesn't like me. He ignored me in the group, so I caught him on his own while he was doing his thang. Me: Biron, is frugality masculine? Biron (is also an economics graduate student!): How the fuck would I know? Do I look like the expert on masculinity around here? Me: I just thought that since you probably have a penis somewhere on your body... Biron: That's a hasty generalization. Me: No, seriously, just answer the question. Biron (harassed): No, it's not. Get out of my fucking way, I'm trying to work here. The default answer for the entire group of five wrestlers that I talked to was "(laughter) no." to both points. One elaborated: "It's macho to make do with what you have." That got a round of agreement from the other four with this one. "Yeah, it's macho to not need beef jerky." But it was the Weaponsmith and some selected knifemakers and swordmakers from across the country that turned in the hits. Not only was the answer a resounding NO! to frugality and group internet jerky purchasing, many of them found the question itself almost insulting. Me (trying to make friends with angry elderly guy famous for his work on handles and sheaths): Ha ha, you're the kind of guy who has an epoxy for everything. That's pretty macho. So - uh - is it manly to be frugal? Handlesmithin' Steve: I don't have an epoxy for everything. I have two kinds of epoxy: slow set and fast set. If I'm working on something that doesn't need one of those, I don't need it [the thing that I'm working on.] Me: Ha ha yeah. Handlesmithin' Steve: What do you mean, is it manly to be frugal? Do you think I'm cutting corners or something? I handed the phone back over to the Weaponsmith at that point. Me (talking to Spanish-born Taipei-based sword collector and Aikido expert who has worked in a number of martial arts areas of interest): I wanted to ask you a couple of oddball questions, Rodriguez, Rod The Slice0r: Shoot. Me: Is it manly to be frugal? Like to try and save money on stuff. Rod The Slice0r: What do you mean, manly? A man doesn't get upset over details. How much money are we talking about? Me: (repeats Spy magazine result as example) Or like purchasing something online in bulk to save money. Rod The Slice0r: That's ridiculous. That magazine must have gotten something wrong. Me: I'm just repeating what I heard. Rod The Slice0r: No Chinese businessman would ever do such a thing. Why would he let someone know that he needed that little money? Me: So a manly man wouldn't do something like that. Rod The Slice0r: I don't buy cheap things online, take that as you will. Another martial artist, this one a tall Celt with a long history of being an annoying asshole and a long future in the military ahead of him: "No, you make beef jerky youself on shelves next to the water heater." Which seemed to me eminently sensible and masculine. So there you have it, ladies and frugal guys and gentlemen. Also, Ray!, we were discussing MACHO - not boyish, not guyish, not "things that male humans do." Macho. Grossing out girls is not macho and neither is being a whiny demanding fop. Did you seriously blither about me not being sufficiently competitive? Because I used the word "play"? I wanted to engage in a pitched round of the Glass Bead Game, not the Earnestly Discussing Whether Ray Is A Man Game. You were a fucking disappointment, you blithering, mincing, quibbling faggot. |
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