Forum Overview :: Cabaret Voltron :: Re: Brew (Give this one a read, if you don't any others)

[quote name="Colonel K"][quote name="mrs. johnson"]That's very useful, thank you. I'm not quite sure how to work out the pacing issues or the difference between the two quasi-comical descriptions. Are you saying that the non-working ones are too stuffed full of useless words and outstay their welcome? I really should edit these before posting, but I always finish at 4 am, and then I fly into my bed. the mrs.[/quote] Overstuffed, really. I'd probably say that you've distracted - and sometimes bored - the reader with too many ideas, none of which you've pursued consistently. And with the unpolished language on top of that, it's overstuffed in both presentation and concept. I liked what you did with <i>Integration</i>; it was thematically tight, and the digressions didn't splatter everywhere. Parts of this, and that one about the army did. I don't know how you write, but based on the number of ideas you have, it's probably more complicated than my conceptual 'so...there's a <i>guy</i>...in a...room....' process. But like any serious writing: essays, articles, or responses to Ray of Light posts, compose it before returning, hours later, to edit. [/quote]