Caltrops - Reviews





	[quote name="Flavio"]This game comes a <i>very</i> close second to Devil May Cry 3 as the best action game for PS2. This is the game Final Fight <i>should</i> have been. <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=09RoRIezR-I">This trailer</a> is pretty much all you need to know. It also doesn't even contain one-fifth of the <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mr0py4nXvMI&mode=related&search=">zaniness</a> to be <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o4JmHpcd18U">found</a> in the game. Funnier than Disgaea (the Phoenix Wright guy produced). Better pick it up now while you can. Clover studio just got dissolved, and this game is getting <a href="http://www.gameinformer.com/Games/Review/200611/R06.1010.1149.33430.htm?CS_pid=281483">destroyed</a> by <a href="http://ps2.ign.com/objects/822/822478.html">professional reviewers</a>. In a couple of years you can bet that the same reviewers will be calling this a "hard to find, underappreciated classic THAT FOR WHATEVER REASON didn't sell well". It's only $30! Buy! Now! Singing this game's praise is pointless, so let's just debunk all the reviewers' negative points: [quote name="Game Informer"]Tack on the constant borderline offensive caricatures of broad groups of people (Immaculately groomed, oiled-up guys dressed up as showgirls lisping, “You wanna go brokeback, cowboy?” Please.) and most gamers will be hard-pressed to find God Hand deserving of their time.[/quote] This guy gave the game a 6/10, but not before giving himself a 10/10 for self righteous, humorless cunting. [quote]Locking the camera close in behind the character’s head is almost never a good idea, and certainly not in this case.[/quote] The camera is a zoomed out version of Resident Evil 4's (the same guy directed both), did anyone complain about that? You get a radar telling you who's around and behind you. There is nothing wrong with the camera. [quote]The automatic targeting mechanic bugs out at least once every five minutes of play. [/quote] Completely false [quote]Enemies are too predictable, and most are entirely incapable of doing anything to you once you’re up in their grill.[/quote] Once you get good enough, one on one non-boss enemies are no problem, but you're always fighting groups. Enemies will always try to surround and fuck you up, forcing you to dance around looking for an opening to launch them across the screen and break the group up. [quote]is it too much to ask that more than four enemy types show up per two hours of playtime?[/quote] The game is 10 hours long, so that's....20 different enemies! I'm cool with that, although I think there were a lot more. You have nimble enemies, hard to hit midgets, big slow strongmen, ranged attackers, clowns, robots, demons, and lots more. Lack of variety = completely false. [quote]Even with all these problems you’ll occasionally stop, take a breath, and think to yourself, “Man. I just rocked those guys hardcore.” But for every one of these moments where every element of the game works together seamlessly, there will be 15-20 minutes of frustration, cursing, and boredom.[/quote] There are never any slow parts or DMC item hunting/backtracking moments (there is one moving platform jumping puzzle). It's a true old school brawler that consists of nothing but wave after wave of enemies attacking you at every step of the way. Since that's the case, I guess this is the reviewer's way of admitting he sucks. [quote]t’s just nowhere near as polished or visually accomplished as the Viewtiful Joe series or the brilliant Okami. [/quote] "Not Japanese enough" [quote] If only it weren’t plagued by a spotty camera that reminds me of PSone games from back in the days before the controller had two analog sticks and tedious level design.[/quote] You'll see "tedious level design" as a common complaint, which I guess is another way of saying that the background graphics are merely functional to deliver top notch gameplay. Graphics are really the only area where stupid fucking Ninja Gaiden isn't completely blown out of the water by God Hand. [quote name="IGN"]It's somewhat apparent that God Hand was meant to be a joke on many levels, much as a film director might intentionally make a B-movie. The game practically encourages button mashing, enemies are extremely generic, the level layout is very uninspired, the dialog and jokes are poorly written and delivered[/quote] I don't think "B-movie" means what this guy think it means, also "intentionally". This game is as much a button masher as DMC3; you will get slaughtered if you try. [quote]gameplay mechanics are so old-school it hurts. While Clover took a huge risk in hoping that this sort of off-kilter design would appeal to some gamers, and there will probably be a few folks out there who will dig this extremely niche design, by and large the joke simply falls flat. Dead flat.[/quote] I can't tell if he's calling "humor" or the brawler genre extremely niche. Funny, reviewers were slobbering all over Ikaruga's niche design. What did God Hand in? The extremity of the nicheness. [quote]This customizable aspect, and the fact that you'll earn and buy new moves as the game progresses, means that <b>you'll constantly be switching up your attack style and incorporating new moves</b>.[/quote] ^ "Button mashing" [quote]t really doesn't make any sense that your health isn't refilled since you're very likely to die a minute later anyway and then restart with no penalty. And of course, you have to wait through a load screen when you continue.[/quote] You get less bonus money the more continues you use so yes there is a point to not having your health refilled. The load screens are 3-5 seconds. [quote]Enemy design is extremely generic with demons and such that reek of early '90s arcade brawlers.[/quote] I had to read this twice to find out it was a negative. Extra credit if you can name a single demon themed 90s brawler. [quote]The most annoying aspect about this is that you'll often have to fight demon spirits that arise from fallen enemies. They take a while to kill and simply act as roadblocks to slow down your progression.[/quote] Be warned: this game makes you fight enemies. Even <a href="http://rr.ps2.ign.com/rrview/ps2/god_hand/822478/50877/">crazy Japanophiles are speaking out against IGN</a>. [quote]Haha, ya I guess the jokes were pretty lame, but in English. In Japanese, they are quite funny, in Japanese, as the game was intenteded to be, to the Japanese people, who were their primary target consumers, else the game would be made in English to start with. FYI. This game is over a year old, obviously it does not meet up to this years standards because its already old news... I would just think that you are not understanding the Japanese aspect of the game, and are too quick to jump to North American conclusions about the game. [/quote] The game actually <i>was</i> made in English from the start, but he's totally right about the obscure cultural humor of hits to the balls being <a href="http://www.poetv.com/video.php?vid=6889">exclusive to Japan</a>.[/quote]